Coming out to my gay younger brother...

[bankside]

You should tell him the same way he told you.

It definitely would have been important in his mind to tell you, a big deal. He would have worried about your reaction in the same wahy. I assume you had the courage to make him feel okay about it.

He told you when he was ready, and I'm sure he waited as long as it took for him to be ready. Now you tell him when you're ready. You can also tell him you're proud of him for figuring it out earlier in his life. That means something to a guy coming from his big brother.

But tell him! And give yourself the same freedom that you want him to have.

 

[jaysizzles]

Your brother will completely understand...he knows what you are going through and what's to come.

I'd tell him everything you said in your post...especially the part about being proud of him and his courage. It's obvious you respect him...it's most likely mutual in that regard.

My older sister came out to me only around 6 years ago...she had been married with kids, then divorced. I was the first one she confided in. She got a lot off her chest that day...I sat and listened. All she wanted was an ear, support, a hug...someone to tell her all was ok and she was loved. Having me in her corner made it all the easier to come out to the rest of the family. We were close before...just brother/sister close though if you know what I mean. That talk brought us together in a special way...we have a special bond now and are extremely close. It can and will be the same with you and your brother.

good luck!

 

[xdudex123]

He won't be disappointed, he went throught all the same shit as you're going through right now. He'll be proud that you had the courage to do it.

You're hella cute btw, maybe we can have a double date with your bro and his bf. Lol. Good luck bro.

 

[tommy296]

I have a brother that's 16 years older than me and I came out first. He was married, with kids and was the "perfect" one in the family. When he and his wife split, he called me to tell me about it and also told me he was gay. My response was, "I know - I've been waiting for you to figure it out. You're my brother and I love you - it doesn't matter." And really, it didn't. I was able to clear the path for him, and I'm grateful that he had a much easier "coming out" experience with the family because of that.

If you're concerned about your brother feeling disappointed, just address it and thank him for making it easier for you. And most importantly, just be a happy, healthy, proud and out gay man!

 

[seven_sins]

I' bet that he already knows. I can't conceive of him being disappointed that you didn't tell him earlier.

 

[Seasoned]

Your brother will be overjoyed. Regardless if what you might think you did pave the way for him. You were the first one he told for a reason, and that reason was that you made him feel accepted and loved and he trusted you.

Move to the next phase of your life and return his favor to you. Let him be the first in your family to know.

PS I have a younger gay brother who was out while I was still married to my ex-wife.

 

[Lefty]

Chris...

Have you ever lied to him about it? I mean really lied? Or have you just

committed the SIN of Omission on more than one occasion? Do you really

think he will care once the two of you are on honest footing with each other?

HELL NO.

 

[creatus]

I think I was the first person in our family to whom he told he was gay

Well, I guess it's a quite important reason to tell him first; the rest of family, friends, relatives, coworkers, etc - all of them could definitely wait a bit - your brother has deserved to know (or to hear from you, if he really already knows) first, in my opinion.

But it sounds like you have got a great brother, so if you tell him the same that you told us here, I don't think there are any troubles going to arise. Good luck!

 

[Nomenclature]

He could very well be a little pissed that you hadn't told him sooner, but he'll be happy to know he's not alone.

 

[rareboy]

I have this feeling that I've been lying to him since and I'm afraid he will be very disappointed [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] with me when I will finally tell him...

He has no right to be. Make sure he's the first person to tell. Tell him you've been struggling with this and that his bravery and attitude finally convinced you to come out. Tell him you wish you had his courage and confidence.

Just because you're the older bro doesn't mean that you automatically get to be the leader you know.

 

[G-Lexington]

Your brother was in the same spot you were once. Maybe for not as long, or not as deep, but he's been there. It just took you longer to sort it out, and longer to work up the courage that he had. Tell him already. I can next-to-guarantee he won't be disappointed. And I can almost-next-to-guarantee he won't be surprised.

Lex

 

[Nomenclature]

I'm sure I'll be crucified for saying this, but I think people shouldn't have to go through the whole "coming out" process. If someone asks you, "are you gay?" just say "yes" and leave it at that.

Yeah, I get what you're saying. There really shouldn't be this whole terrifying social stigma about it; the risk of losing everything. Maybe one day it'll be that way; I've spoken to a few teens from this generation who have gay friends at school, and it's really not that big of a deal "We're just attracted to different people." In fact, Gay/Straight Alliances and the"moment of silence for gay hate crimes" are becoming a bit more popular in schools now.

So maybe our children, or grandchildren won't even have to "come out" if they're gay. . .but right now, our generation still really has to worry about this, especially when we're coming out to older people, like our parents; They were brought up in an era where racism and homophobia were the norm, so they don't really understand differently.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I'm sure I'll be crucified for saying this, but I think people shouldn't have to go through the whole "coming out" process. If someone asks you, "are you gay?" just say "yes" and leave it at that. If they want to know more, they will ask you. But if nobody asks, why even bother talking about it. It's not their business anyway. Why feel compelled to tell someone who doesn't ask you? Maybe they don't care, they don't want to know, they aren't ready for the truth or it's completely a non-issue to them. There could be any number of reasons why they didn't ask you, so why even bring it up? I just don't get the concept why anyone should feel compelled to tell anyone they are gay, out of the blue. It's ridiculous. Just wait until someone asks you, then when they do, simply answer yes and say no more. It's that easy, really.

As far as I'm concerned, the "coming out process" is more an internal one than an external one. It's becoming comfortable enough with your sexuality to not only say "if somebody asks, I'll tell them" (which frankly doesn't happen that often), but to be in a position that you really don't care who knows. Which means, for instance, not playing pronoun games ("I've started dating somebody, and we're quite happy") under the guise of "it's nobody's business". Because if you're really comfortable with it, you won't care that they know. And thus you can say things like "My boyfriend and I went out last night" or "I had a date last night, but he and I didn't mesh too well".

Lex

 

[latinheat]

hey im proud of you for admitting it.... i don't know you but you seem nice and i don't think he'll be mad or disappointed just confused why you didn't come out when he told you or earlier but just explain how hard its been k good luck and hope everything goes well

nick

 

[MisterMajestic]

Hi guys!

I'm new on this forum and I'd like our advice.

I'm 32 years old and I've been trying for many years to accept being gay and to come out to my family, friends and coworkers...

I think it's time for me to go forward, but one of the things that keeps stopping me is my young brother...

He is 22 years old and he has been out for 2 years already... I'm very pround of him: he has a very rich life and he's going out with a very cool guy, which my family loves very much...

I think I was the first person in our family to whom he told he was gay... I didn't had the courage to told him I, also, was gay...

I have this feeling that I've been lying to him since and I'm afraid he will be very disappointed of me when I will finaly tell him...

Usually, that's me, being the older brother, that pave the way but on this matter, I feel that my younger brother is the one that can teach me about courage and self-affirmation...

Does anyone of you have been confronted to that kind of situation? How should I tell him and how do you think he will react?

Thank you folks for your help!

Your brother will be cool with it...Sounds like you have Great parents and i see them having different feelings about the situation than your brother...They may not even address it out loud...It's one thing to have 1 son that is Gay but when another son "comes out" the FIRST thing they will think about is not becoming Grandparents...

Yeah it's selfish in a way and also completely "normal"....Our Parents have "dreams" for us and sometimes we crush their dreams to follow our own path in Life...I have a feeling your Parents will accept you and your future relationships just like they embraced your brother...

One thing I want you to remember..Don't be too hard on them if they say "So we wont have any grand-Kids?"....Remember your parents have a right to react to things as most Parents should...When it's all said and done they will Love you unconditionally..

 

[aneal_lingus]

I have a gay brother who's 10years older. my mom wasn't too keen on me being gay and mentioned it being a phase, but she's adjusted since. now she uses my brother as a leash in a way to pull me back when she thinks I'm going to far in whatever I'm doing. It gets annoying, but I'll admit it helps. She doesn't want me to be too public with my flamboyancy, even though I am much less than my brother. I'm not completely obvious. First impressions say I am but people usually dismiss it.

I luv my gay bro!

 

[Audio Tech]

I sometimes wish my brother were gay. We could go to clubs and other places together. Well, at least we'd have ONE thing in common. My bro and I have NOTHING in common. Makes me sad.
We are like distant room mates.

 

[MisterMajestic]

For the grandchilds thing, my brother and I still can adopt!

That is so true...And if you decide to adopt in the Future please, please, PLEASE consider adopting an American kid...Americans rush over-seas to adopt kids because of the quick-paper work but there's so many American children that need a family...