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Coming out to my straight [male] friend today

Greenherbz

Greenherbz

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Well,

I just texted my straight friend saying that 'i needed to tell him something later'
im not going to come out via text, i just did that so i wouldn't chicken out later today bc i was going to tell him last night but got too nervous so i backed out.
this is the first time I'm telling one of my straight male friends from high school [who now goes to college with me]
all the kids from my high school still hang out in college and we have a relatively close network so i hope it goes okay
tips, comments, advice welcome...
hope this goes good, i REALLy hate this conversation lol
 
Yeah me too, I was thinking that i wasn't actually going to say "I'm gay" but instead just say that "i like dudes" because i felt like it was a little more casual and stuff but my friend Megan said she doesn't think thats a good idea she said it sounds strange, opinions?
 
Why tell him...he probably already suspects so let him be the one to bring it up. I think if you know he's straight don't push his buttons...enjoy him for being your friend...why put up walls that don't need to be there.

A friend at your age is more important than you know. Think hard about this as it could change things forever. Good luck with whatever you decide..|
 
I can assure you he doesn't suspect at all lol
Im not telling him in hopes that he'll secretly have feelings or anything, I'm telling him because I want to come out to my friends and he is the one who I feel will take it the best [the most open minded]. I want to come out to my friends because the stress of hiding it is killing me and I want to meet more gay people/start dating. Also i want my friends to realize that gay people can be 'just another guy' and that their impressions of us as a whole are wrong. I want them to think about something they've probably never put much thought into--what life is like for gay people. I want them to acknowledge my hardships, and it also explains to him why i never want to go to the club with him to pick up chicks.
 
It also helps to tell them why you're telling them.

Good reasons:
  • Because you're a good friend and I don't want to lie to you.
  • Because I wanted you to hear it from me.
Bad reasons:
  • Because I have a crush on you.
 
Greenherbz said:
Yeah me too, I was thinking that i wasn't actually going to say "I'm gay" but instead just say that "i like dudes" because i felt like it was a little more casual and stuff but my friend Megan said she doesn't think thats a good idea she said it sounds strange, opinions?
Click to expand...

hi Greenherbz,

I disagree with the advise given by Megan that you should not use something like "i like dudes". Towards my opinion, there are alot of suble way to tell your friend that you are gay. You prefer guys, so why not use a phrase like 'i like dudes' (or 'im not into girls' etc.).

You told us:
I want to come out to my friends because the stress of hiding it is killing me and I want to meet more gay people/start dating. Also i want my friends to realize that gay people can be 'just another guy' and that their impressions of us as a whole are wrong. I want them to think about something they've probably never put much thought into--what life is like for gay people. I want them to acknowledge my hardships, and it also explains to him why i never want to go to the club with him to pick up chicks.
Click to expand...

All of this are very, very good and very, very valid arguments to tell him (ASAP) that you are not into girls. Definately, you will feel very, very relaxed afterwards.

Good luck, and please keep us informed.

Best wishes.
 
Good luck, man.

KaraBulut gave some very good advice. You should preceed telling him with something along those lines.

And I agree with your friend Megan: don't say "I like guys" or "I like dudes." Using one of those phrases could send him the wrong message or he could interpret the message incorrectly (thinking you're into him).
 
This is a milestone day for you and I'm wishing you the best. I'm glad you prioritized your coming out strategy and I'm glad you planted the seed so as to not back out later today. That's exactly the same thing I did when I kept postponing telling my good friend.

The words you use aren't important as long as you leave tonight being heard and understood. The two of you have communication history and anything deviating from how you normally speak to each other will sound clinical and distant. Be real with him, get your point across as to why it's important he knows and thank him for being a good friend.

You've got a whole lot of JUBBERS with you tonight. Good luck and best wishes. Today will be a birthday of sorts.
 
good luck, I remember doing that with my best friend too, I did it when I was a little drunk, I said I have to tell you something. He says without missing a beat, "youre gay right?" I said yes, so I never really had to say it out loud. But anyway, he said he already suspected since I never talked about girls when we went to the clubs either. He took it well, and nothing changed. I think he was just waiting for me to tell him tho.

Hope it all goes well!!!!
 
There is no "casual" in this. You'll be freaked out of your mind, and that's ok. Just say "I'm gay". It's simple, straight (haw haw haw, see what I did there?) to the point, and short enough so you don't back out in the middle of the sentence.

If he will care, and respond in a negative way, he will do that regardless of the words you use. If he won't, then he won't. True friends get all "Aaaaaww!!!" on you when you come out to them btw ;)
 
Greenherbz said:
I can assure you he doesn't suspect at all lol
Im not telling him in hopes that he'll secretly have feelings or anything, I'm telling him because I want to come out to my friends and he is the one who I feel will take it the best [the most open minded]. I want to come out to my friends because the stress of hiding it is killing me and I want to meet more gay people/start dating. Also i want my friends to realize that gay people can be 'just another guy' and that their impressions of us as a whole are wrong. I want them to think about something they've probably never put much thought into--what life is like for gay people. I want them to acknowledge my hardships, and it also explains to him why i never want to go to the club with him to pick up chicks.
Click to expand...
Hey brother... hope everything went well! I just recently told my two best friends in the last month my self and did so for all the exact reasons you mentioned. I actually got the courage from another post someone put up a little bit back. I was nervous as hell my self because my one friend would always crack 'fag' comments so I didn't know how it would go, but I think I changed his views on gay guys.
 
Hope everything went as good as expected. I did the same as you for the same reasons. When you have friends that don't know the real person you are, then it feels like you're not being really open to them... feels like they're not very close to you because you're hiding something from them just like you'd do with any other person.
Please post your experience!
 
I remember coming out to my best friend (through text) and not a damn thing changed between! So hopefully it goes the same for you
 
KaraBulut said:
It also helps to tell them why you're telling them.

Good reasons:
  • Because you're a good friend and I don't want to lie to you.
  • Because I wanted you to hear it from me.
Bad reasons:
  • Because I have a crush on you.
Click to expand...

This is very good advice.

Don't just make a big announcement about this fact because he might not know what to do with it. And if he doesn't know what to do with it, his mind might start making up reasons why you're telling him and he could start jumping to conclusions.

So tell him why you want him to know.
 
thanks for all the advice!
sorry it took me so long to respond but anyway I never got to tell him.
He had friends come into town from back home, and they were here all weekend. I ran into him at a party but obviously that wasn't a good time or place.
I will make sure to explain why I am telling him. He's a good kid, and although we haven't been hanging out as much as we used to [ive been really depressed/withdrawn but he always invites me to do stuff, i just say no bc i know he's going to be trying to get with chicks and i don't want to have to either play along or entertain myself] i think he will still take it well. hopefully
i still feel like i could vomit every time i seriously think about saying it
 
^Very true. You're on the path to tell him. I hope it's soon so you'll be able to dump your anxiety. It's a shame most of us have to go through these feelings over something which ought to be just another casual fact like eye or hair color. Hang in there and do report back. We are cheerleaders here.
 
I DID IT!!!!!! (!)(!):D:=D:

Altough way later then expected, I got to tell my friend today and it went well. He told me he still had my back and we were "still nigggas" and that he wouldn't tell anybody.
Now, during the rest of winter break (about a month) I will continute to tell all my close friends from high school because everyone will be in town.
We are all still good friends, so it helps to have him as an ally when i start to tell the rest of my straight guy friends from high school!
When i explained to him my being gay was the reason i didn't want to go to the clubs w/ him he said "dude! you shoullda come anyway, you coulda picked up guys.. i went to the club w two gay dudes the other week"
so it was a good experience, and now that he knows i feel less hesitation about telling the rest of my friends.... bc even if he had reacted badly and basically told me to screw off, i still wouldnt regret telling him bc i know its what i wanted to do
anyways thats all! yay me :p
 
Congratulations. You gave yourself a perfect holiday gift. Bravo.
 
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