The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Coming out to parents overseas

Yeehaw

Yeehaw

Sex God
Joined
May 10, 2006
Posts
673
Reaction score
0
Points
16
Location
Toronto
Has anyone here been in the same boat as me? I've always wondered how different my life would be had I not been separated from my parents for the past 8 years since my late teens when I moved to Canada from China. Now as I'm getting close to my late 20s my parents have been hounding me about girlfriends, marriage and kids. Like am I going to tell them on the phone and get it over with? Or, should I get them over here or fly back home to tell them in person? I've never been lucky in the long term relationship department so a bf to bring along for support is not happening anytime soon, and I really feel like I HAVE to let them know soon cuz I can't take this questioning from them especially my dad anymore.

So, to those who fly solo in another country, how did you do it?
 
I personally wouldn't recommend doing so over the phone. Take the time to sit down with them and talk about it.
 
Generally, coming out over the phone isn't the best idea. You don't get a chance to interact in person, or have the person see and touch you for who you are and see that you're still the same person.

On the other hand, sometimes it does make sense. I came out over the phone (5 separate phone calls in 1 day) because I came out when I was older, and all my family lives all over the US. We generally only get together once every few years, and coming out at a holiday didn't seem like a great idea.

Plus, I had it bottled up for so long, I just needed to get it out.

So I did it by phone.

In your case, I guess it depends when you next plan on seeing them. Have you seen them at all in the past 8 years? When were you planning on going next?
 
Go back and see your parents. I think that's the only way to do it. It seems like you're doing fine on your own, and I assume you're financially independent of them. So plan a week where you visit the family. Be courteous and understanding about it. It's only in a parent's nature to want to know when their son or daughter will be getting married. Then I suggest that you come out a couple of days before you leave back to Canada. If they take it badly, then you only have to be there another day, and you can leave them to sort it out (it took you until your late 20s to come out to them, so give them some time to adjust). If they are accepting, then you have a day to plan your next visit back :)

The best of luck to you.


P.S. If parents overreact badly to the news, I say give them a full year to adjust. No more, no less. If they still don't accept you, the only thing you can do is use your presence in their lives as leverage. "If you don't accept me, then say goodbye to seeing me on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc."
 
The phone is impersonal, which isn't necessarily an awful thing. Writing a letter or (a though out) email is perhaps better if you don't want to face them up close. Less emotions and everyone involved has more time to think about things, ie. they can't scream at you, you can't scream back at them.
 
Thanks for the responses guys. I was thinking on my next trip back, I'll leave my parents a note (my mom first) a week or so before I go back to Canada and sort it out with them. But, my dad and his side's family have been VERY persistent about asking me to leave everything here in Canada behind and go back to China for good lol. So when I go back this time, not only do I have to come out I also have to deal with that! And the former may have a huge shift in how they feel about having me stay in China, cuz they have been very vocal about finding me a "hot" girlfriend and getting married (at the age of 26) lol. If I do go through with all these this is probably gonna be the craziest year ever!
 
Regardless of whether you tell them before or after, be prepared for a lineup of potentially suitable females during your visit. It might be easier if you can get them to come to Canada because it'll be only the two of them you need to deal with and not the entire family, not to mention neighbourhood.
 
I am in the same boat at you are. I totally understand where you are coming from. It takes a lot of courage to face your parents and tell them that you're gay. Wish you best of luck.
 
This sounds exactly like the storyline from the movie "The Wedding Banquet." (An excellent movie BTW).

Do they know about other aspects of your life in Canada? Is this the only subject you don't discuss openly?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top