Coming out to your family.

[LFDaddy]

Title says it. I just came out to a few of my close friends and it turned out better then I had imagined. All accepted me for who I am and my preferences and they would back me 100%.

Now comes the hard part, the family. I was raised by a very religious family, hell, my grandfather is/was a Lutheran minister and a large majority of my family is active in their communities church and believes being gay is an "abomination" and is "disgusting". I'm just confused about everything.

To make matters worse, I currently live with some family members so them having a bad reaction to my coming out could have a bad ending and that's something I want to avoid. Would it be more logical to be financially set in terms of housing and transportation before I reveal my secret to my family?

Any advice you can give me is greatly appreciated

 

[1091MAC]

Well, the Lutherans just approved gays becoming ordained so they can become pastors, so there is some hope.

If you have no other place to go and rely on them for housing, transportation, etc. and you think they will react that strongly, I would suggest waiting. But that is what I would do.

 

[Lube]

It certainly helps to be financially independent before coming out. That way if it turns out ugly, you can just give them the finger and move on with your life.

If it won't be long until you're independent, it might be worth it to wait. If it'll be years, then it's a harder call.

Many--but not all--families have a change of heart when it's one of their own that's gay. Are you well liked?

 

[Lube]

Well, the Lutherans just approved gays becoming ordained so they can become pastors, so there is some hope.

Aren't there 2 large branches of Lutherans in the US? I think one is much more conservative than the other.

 

[LFDaddy]

It certainly helps to be financially independent before coming out. That way if it turns out ugly, you can just give them the finger and move on with your life.

If it won't be long until you're independent, it might be worth it to wait. If it'll be years, then it's a harder call.

Many--but not all--families have a change of heart when it's one of their own that's gay. Are you well liked?

I should be in my own apartment by the end of the year (december or so) and had planned on it maybe after then. I'm essentially the "baby" of the family, well liked by alot of family members. I'm just afraid of what's to come after my coming out.

 

[Lube]

^ These days, it's usually no where near as bad as you think.

But each family is different, and without knowing them it's hard to say.

Good luck, whatever you choose. And let us know!

 

[LFDaddy]

^ These days, it's usually no where near as bad as you think.

But each family is different, and without knowing them it's hard to say.

Good luck, whatever you choose. And let us know!

I will try to keep you guys informed. I decided I will wait until after ive moved to come out to my family, because then I have myself to rely on.

 

[lonnie1]

I think that is a wise decision. Religion makes people do some weird shit. There have been more people slaughtered in the name of God than for any other reason.
Wait till you are on your own. And, before you do it, make sure you have a support network in place. If you are rejected, you'll need someone to be your friend.

 

[LFDaddy]

I think that is a wise decision. Religion makes people do some weird shit. There have been more people slaughtered in the name of God than for any other reason.
Wait till you are on your own. And, before you do it, make sure you have a support network in place. If you are rejected, you'll need someone to be your friend.

I agree. I have friends that aren't breaking up years of friendship because I told them I am bi-sexual, so I think im pretty set for when the time comes.

It's just going to suck if their reaction is they ignore me completely like my best friend did a few days ago. That's why I am afraid of the outcome of telling them my secret, I don't need/want a repeat.

 

[Lube]

I agree. I have friends that aren't breaking up years of friendship because I told them I am bi-sexual, so I think im pretty set for when the time comes.

It's just going to suck if their reaction is they ignore me completely like my best friend did a few days ago. That's why I am afraid of the outcome of telling them my secret, I don't need/want a repeat.

Nobody wants that, but as an adult you have to accept it as a possibility.

staying closeted just to appease your family wreaks havoc on your personal life and your self image. It's very self-destructive.

 

[LFDaddy]

Nobody wants that, but as an adult you have to accept it as a possibility.

staying closeted just to appease your family wreaks havoc on your personal life and your self image. It's very self-destructive.

Yeah, now that I'm getting older I feel like I need to tell them to make myself feel at ease. It would just make me feel better rather than having this secret kept bottled up inside of me where one day I just go nuts. You know what I mean? :|

Just wish December came just a little bit faster, lol.

 

[G-Lexington]

I've never actually met anybody who said, "I used to think gays were OK, until I met some. Then I realized what awful disgusting people they were." But I've met several who have said, "I used to think gays were disgusting, until I met some. Then I realized that they're OK - just regular people."

And sometimes, homophobes need someone in their family to announce it before they force themselves to re-examine their beliefs.

Lex

 

[UC3543]

I am the baby of my family and my family is very religious and when I came out the general reaction was - yeah we figured - thanks for finally telling us. One brother and his wife who figurd I was gay has ben nice about it, but arenb't too comfortable about telling their kids or seeing me and my boyfriend kissing or holding hands. So we keep that in mind.

But I would probably wait until you move out and then tell them

 

[LFDaddy]

I've never actually met anybody who said, "I used to think gays were OK, until I met some. Then I realized what awful disgusting people they were." But I've met several who have said, "I used to think gays were disgusting, until I met some. Then I realized that they're OK - just regular people."

And sometimes, homophobes need someone in their family to announce it before they force themselves to re-examine their beliefs.

Lex

See, most of my family has/had gay friends and could find nothing bad to say about them. They just think the stuff that gays do is the "disgusting" part and how they're an "abomination" for doing this/that/the other. It's fucking irritating really, I mean.. I said I was bi-sexual back in junior high and my family just said it was a phase. Now what are they going to use as an excuse?

I am the baby of my family and my family is very religious and when I came out the general reaction was - yeah we figured - thanks for finally telling us. One brother and his wife who figurd I was gay has ben nice about it, but arenb't too comfortable about telling their kids or seeing me and my boyfriend kissing or holding hands. So we keep that in mind.

But I would probably wait until you move out and then tell them

See, my sister has asked me if I was gay/bi before and all I could do is laugh and say no (was at a funeral for my great grandfather so best not to stir shit up). I feel like since shes most important to me, I should come out to her before everyone else. If you only knew her, you would understand what I'm getting at.

Anyways, I'm rambling so I'm going to end my post short.

 

[seven2go]

Well, the Lutherans just approved gays becoming ordained so they can become pastors, so there is some hope.

The ELCA convention approved that.......and caused a huge rift in the process.......
There are several synods of Lutherans.......the ELCA being the most liberal.

 

[LFDaddy]

Forgot to say, I appreciate everyone's advice.

Based on what I've read, I will wait until I get settled on my own before I reveal the secret, my sister will be the first to know family wise.

Came out to a few more friends today, each of them accepted me and my choices. Can't believe what great friends I have.. besides that one.

Now if only my family will be the same way, I can finally be at peace.

 

[Lube]

Yeah, jeez, especially if your sister is asking you--she already knows!

I bet everyone else will be unsurprised. It might actual be a big letdown, the total lack of drama.

 

[LFDaddy]

Well, I didn't know it was really this hard to finally come out when you sit down with the person you want to come out to. Today I came out to my mother and all I can say is I wasn't really expecting to get that emotional and everything. It just happened.

The thing that made it better was her saying that I'm still her son no matter what my preference is. That she just wants me to be happy with my life and she accepts me for whatever my choices might be in life.

That's one obstacle I've overcome, now to move onto the rest of the family when I'm in a better state.

 

[G-Lexington]

Good to hear.

Lex

 

[spencer]

Congrats! One thing about being the baby of the family is that parents are pretty much DONE with raising kids by the time they get to you. You didn't realize it when the rules for you are pretty much non-existant compared to your siblilngs at the beginning of the family?

How old are you?