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Coming out today (my 28th Birthday), but I have one more secret reveal.

M

mcoguy

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Hey guys,

I've been reading this section for a while and a lot of you give really good advice. Can I get your opinion?

So after years of holding it in and keeping it a secret, I've finally decided to come out to my best friend later today when we go out to celebrate. She's pretty much the only person in my life that I feel confident in telling right now but I have to admit I'm still a little nervous. Here's why :(

1. I used to date her in high school.
2. We are both from a small town and I'm afraid it'll get back to my dad/family.
3. **I've had a boyfriend for the past 5 years that I've been keeping a secret from her! I've been telling her he was just a roommate/friend.

A few days ago when I was at a pretty low moment emotionally, I sent her a couple text messages asking if she would still be my best friend no matter what I am or what I did. She said "yes, I'd never stop being your friend", so I assume that means even if I'm gay!

In my heart I think she will be ok (or learn to be ok) with me being gay but I don't know how she'll feel about the fact that I've kept my boyfriend a secret for so long. I've basically been making up stories about where I've been and who I've been with for years in order to not raise suspicions that he is more than a friend.

I'm not sure if I should just announce I'm gay today and let that sink in before bringing the rest up, or if I should just lay it all out on the table all at once and let the pieces fall where they may?

Any suggestions or advice?

Thanks all!
 
hi Mcoguy,

So you are a guy of 28 years old who is not married, and who does not has a girlfriend (for already many years), and who has not dated girls since highschool (?).

Besides that, you have a boyfriend for already 5 years and you tell her (and likely also all other people around you) that he is your 'roommate'. Is he also closeted? Well, don't be too surprized that people around you will have thought about reasons why you are not yet married / not dating girls / not having a girlfriend etc.

And how about your boyfriend? You will spend alot of time together with him (when he is your roommate / 'close friend'), and likely people around you will have some thoughts about this 'deep friendship'?

I would tell her that you want to tell her something about the friendship between X ('Steve', or whatever he is called) and you. So don't start telling her that you are gay, but tell her that 'Steve' (and she is aware of the existence of 'Steve') is your boyfriend. Well, and then you don't need to tell her anymore that you are gay (straight guys don't have a boyfriend).

And just see how she is reacting. Likely (?) this news will not come as a huge surprize for her?

Good luck and please keep us informed.
 
First, happy birthday, buddy.

Second, I understand the small town mentality and the gossip that goes with it.

Third, you are 28 and it's time to come out because you are trying to live in the closet and make a life with someone you love. How long can you continue to do that? After 5 years, I assume your bf is ok with it, but it seems unnatural to me. One thing you can be sure of, there are plenty of others who, at the very least, suspect you are gay. It's not as much a secret as you think.

There will be people who will not accept you, that is a given. But, you can do it. Good luck.
 
she already knows. everybody does. Happy Birthday.
 
Happy birthday. Your honesty with your friend will be a great gift to yourself. Good luck.
 
It starts somewhere. Seems like she is your best bet. She probably already knows or suspects- perhaps among others. Good luck!!!
 
Happy Birthday and Good luck. Do whatever is most comfortable for you. You can also judge by her initial reactions if you should continue talking about it or stop to let her think over it all in her own way. Personally I like the blunt approaches and just getting everything off one's chest at once and not holding anything back, but that's just me.
 
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