Shadowclad86
Slut
On November 4th at precisely 5:15 pm I officially came out to my sister...First my back story.
I didn't always know I was Gay. I had a feeling though but didn't know what it was called until I entered the eighth grade and felt strong attracts to one actor (Ben Affleck...damn you…just joking). For next few years I knew I was gay and kept it a secret, not because I was afraid but because I have parents who are strictly opposed to the whole gay issue and being catholic and the whole going to hell thing freaked me, well the hell out.
So I kept my mouth shut. While this mouth was shut I did the normal thing for someone who was hiding deep inside of their little closet of a mind, I acted.
I pretended to like girls and being extremely shy and self-contained I wasn't expected to act on having any true attractions. I created a separate account on the only computer in my house and didn't share the contents so I can feed my sexual urges to look at gay porn and pet the little man---cheesy.
I thought I had everything under control until I entered high-school and being that hormones only get more stronger when you're sixteen I couldn't stop myself from checking out guys and I was exposed, if you call it that. Being outted in school before I was out to people close to me was hell. Being gay and big wasn't a good mix and you can imagine the entire name calling that was sent my way.
Boo-Hoo, I know, but give me a break I'm new to this blog thing alright.
So after ditching nonstop and failing all my classes when I and my parents knew I shouldn't be made up a lie and said I hated school and needed out because they still did not know I was gay and still wasn't ready. I call those days-Days of Cowardness: How Sad.
A year passed and after being caught twice within that year looking at something I wasn't suppose to by my sister (who had the skills to forget it) finally asked me yesterday while walking to blockbuster, in a simple way "Do you follow the Colin Farrell road or the Bruno (Sacha Cohen's Character) one?"
Of course I had no Idea what she was saying so she asked once again and again until I gave in and said, "Yes I'm Gay."
I was stunned that I did and was completely out of breath. She assured me she was alright with it and wouldn't tell my mother until I was ready. And I believe her but sometimes when I look at her its like she looks at me differently.
I am going to give her the time she needs to deal with what I told her. Not everyone can just be ok with it.
So I guess the reason why I am writing this entry is because I have so much emotions bottled up and don't know how else to smash it open but to write it down and for someone to hopefully read this and share similar experiences or fill in a newbie into the life.
If you read all of this then WoW....I would have paragraphs ago LoL.
I didn't always know I was Gay. I had a feeling though but didn't know what it was called until I entered the eighth grade and felt strong attracts to one actor (Ben Affleck...damn you…just joking). For next few years I knew I was gay and kept it a secret, not because I was afraid but because I have parents who are strictly opposed to the whole gay issue and being catholic and the whole going to hell thing freaked me, well the hell out.
So I kept my mouth shut. While this mouth was shut I did the normal thing for someone who was hiding deep inside of their little closet of a mind, I acted.
I pretended to like girls and being extremely shy and self-contained I wasn't expected to act on having any true attractions. I created a separate account on the only computer in my house and didn't share the contents so I can feed my sexual urges to look at gay porn and pet the little man---cheesy.
I thought I had everything under control until I entered high-school and being that hormones only get more stronger when you're sixteen I couldn't stop myself from checking out guys and I was exposed, if you call it that. Being outted in school before I was out to people close to me was hell. Being gay and big wasn't a good mix and you can imagine the entire name calling that was sent my way.
Boo-Hoo, I know, but give me a break I'm new to this blog thing alright.
So after ditching nonstop and failing all my classes when I and my parents knew I shouldn't be made up a lie and said I hated school and needed out because they still did not know I was gay and still wasn't ready. I call those days-Days of Cowardness: How Sad.
A year passed and after being caught twice within that year looking at something I wasn't suppose to by my sister (who had the skills to forget it) finally asked me yesterday while walking to blockbuster, in a simple way "Do you follow the Colin Farrell road or the Bruno (Sacha Cohen's Character) one?"
Of course I had no Idea what she was saying so she asked once again and again until I gave in and said, "Yes I'm Gay."
I was stunned that I did and was completely out of breath. She assured me she was alright with it and wouldn't tell my mother until I was ready. And I believe her but sometimes when I look at her its like she looks at me differently.
I am going to give her the time she needs to deal with what I told her. Not everyone can just be ok with it.
So I guess the reason why I am writing this entry is because I have so much emotions bottled up and don't know how else to smash it open but to write it down and for someone to hopefully read this and share similar experiences or fill in a newbie into the life.
If you read all of this then WoW....I would have paragraphs ago LoL.
Later, Shadow.