Coming to terms ... finding out how brutal the scene can be

[headrushboy]

so yeah, I'm 27 and I think it's about time I came to terms with who I am as a sexual/loving being.



My love life has been nearly non existent most of my life, and I had one girlfriend for a couple years who I absolutely loved but that has been over 8 years ago.



When I was a teen I was deeply in love with my best friend and we "experimented" sexually a lot. I never thought of myself as being "gay" I was simply just in love with him and would have loved to kiss him but all that was getting too well ... gay for him and he broke our pseudo relationship off(which never amounted to anything else but sex anyhow).



Fast forward to today, I am coming to terms that I am meant to be with another man. It's not a label it's not anything that can be described, it just is.



I recently came out to a long time gay friend and he told me he had his doubts about me a long time ago already.



So we've been talking(he lives on the other side of the world now so to speak) and I see we both have the same feeling as how unserious some gay people can be but that's a whole other discussion there.


I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO START DATING. I have tried the online thing and most of that amounts to sex which I am ok with (to a certain extent) but be it for that or for something serious well, no one wants me. "Not my type" is the kinds of comments I get all the time.
I'm most certainly not the most in shape person and need to work on that, but I've been taken aback by all of this.
What can I do, apart from well "getting in shape".
I would like to date older men but well it's all just seemed so impossible so far.

 

[G-Lexington]

First off, welcome to JUB! Joining and posting is a good first step.

>>>I am coming to terms that I am meant to be with another man. It's not a label it's not anything that can be described, it just is.

Actually, they've come up with a pretty succinct word for it, and that word is "gay".

Don't be afraid of the word. You might feel it's a negative lable, or that it carries a lot of excess heavy baggage, but the truth is - it's just a descriptor. It means you like guys. That's it. Being gay doesn't make you bitchy or femmy or mean you like club music or like wearing women's clothes or any othe stereotype or baggage you want to dredge up. It just means you're sexually attracted to guys.

And I say all that because I think it's important. So long as you feel "I'm not gay - I just like guys", the more you'll feel detatched and separate from other gays. Not just the ones you're not interested in, but the ones you are interested in as well. Because we're a pretty diverse lot. We're scrawny, we're fat, we're young, we're old, we're intellectual, we're sporty, we're calm, we're emotional, we're tender, we're sex-crazed.

And that's why GoMR's advice is so sound. You do need to get out there and start meeting some of us. Not just as possible quickie fucks (although there's nothing wrong with that) but as human beings. As you meet more of us, you'll get a better grip on who you are, what you're looking for, and where to find it.

Lex

 

[Lube]

Welcome to JUB, and to gayhood. I also came out later in life (much later than you, actually) and I totally know how you feel.

Follow my fellow JUBbers' advice, above. Meet new people. New gay people.

See my blog post about it. http://www.justusboys.com/forum/view.php?blog=153515&id=18276&title=how-do-i-find-a-good-man

 

[headrushboy]

Thanks for all the precious advice.

I'm not afraid of the label gay by any means, it's just considering what I'm going through I'm not sure if I see myself as one. Not in a confused way but just, well I'm not even sure what to say at this point.

Saying I'm bi would be closer to the truth(even if right now I'm really confused about one of my female friends), but I've come to a crossroads where that is all coming to an end.

I shall go out there and meet and meet and meet. Maybe I'm not sure I want to jump into a relationship right now, it's something one aims for, but I just want to be as sexually active as possible as this stage, not to sound dirty or anything.

 

[Lube]

Contrary to what some might say, being sexually active is not a bad thing.

It helps you figure out what you like and don't like, so when you do find Mr. Right, you'll know a lot sooner and be more confident of yourself.

Good luck!

 

[headrushboy]

how awesome is this!

So a couple days ago I was posting here voicing my doubts and concerns.
Today this guy chatted me up on some online thing, and we decided to meet.

We had the most awesome evening together even if it wasn't anything special(when one enjoys the banal it means that life is good).
Bit shy towards the end when I had to leave, we didn't kiss but we wanted to without telling each other.
On the way home he was telling me how he'd wished we kissed.

This is totally awesome.
Tomorrow we should be spending the afternoon together.

he wants something serious I'm open to that, we'll try it by ear.

 

[rareboy]

he wants something serious I'm open to that, we'll try it by ear.

After the drought you've lived through, be open to anything...serious or just casual. It will be good exercise.

 

[KaraBulut]

On the way home he was telling me how he'd wished we kissed.

Something tells me you'll get a second chance.

 

[headrushboy]

So we're officially together now.

We went for a long walk in the forrest this afternoon. I know such a totally gay thing to do.

I feel like a boy experiencing first love but at the same time I feel like it's been too easy.

And he wants to take it slow, so no we haven't needed protection yet

 

[G-Lexington]

Sounds great! But get the protection and keep it at home. For practice for now, and so it's handy when you're both set.

Lex

 

[Lube]

Congratulations.

 

[KaraBulut]

I feel like a boy experiencing first love but at the same time I feel like it's been too easy.

There are times when things just fall into place.

But relationships are a journey full of lessons- some wonderful, some painful.

Congrats on beginning the voyage.

And he wants to take it slow, so no we haven't needed protection yet

Don't wait until it's raining to shop for an umbrella.

Something tells me there's a shower in your future.

 

[headrushboy]

just to give a brief update

thanks to everyone on here for the advice.

I have had various "relationships" nothing serious so to speak, but I have been very active sexually.
Things are good. I am happy. and I am safe.

 

[tommyj]

I'm assuming the dude is no more?

 

[Telstra]

"finding out how brutal the scene can be"


yeah but "brutal" for everyone.