commitment issues

[latinheat]

so this is gonna be kinda long so sorry....

i've had plenty of girlfriends and a boyfriend but growing up seeing all the drama of relationships of my brother and sisters.....i don't ever see myself settling down(meaning marriage) because in dating u can leave the relationship whenever but marriage takes money,space and time! i run from issues and leave them unresolved....at times i just wondered if i could just be a-sexual to not deal with anything....even having kids i see myself raising them alone-because a "false alarm" scared me into thinking i couldn't deal with the mother of my child and she didn't want it in the first place but im pro life-im good at being alone i thought guys wouldn't treat me like girls would because their understanding....i was wrong about one and now i rather not be with anyone. my parents think im gay but im not because i tried to be with a man sexually and it didn't work for me, but they keep asking when am i gonna bring home a girl and i wanna say never because all i ever have are one night stands. i tried the whole best friend with benefits thing but he ended up acting like i was a dirty booty call(thought that i was gettin with other guys) i've only technically been with one guy but i love flirting and its hard not have meaningless sex.......at one point i wanted just to say im gay just to not deal with women and drama....but i wouldn't have done it and meant it. im a really stubborn and strong headed person and at this point im just ready for anyone to touch my dick because its pointless to say i like or love that person when i don't and i don't believe in love because the one guy i was in love with shattered my world when he left me and the girl i loved me and her couldn't be together because of a friend and my family because of religon and parent dispute.....im ready to give up on all relations. it sucks when someone like whom has all this love to give and loves being loved just can't because ppl are all the same.

sorry it was long i had to let it out to someone or else i was gonna die! lol

so my question is: am i destined to be alone forever? can i change this?anyone else feel like this? or advice about what i should do? positive feedback only please!!!

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

ok, no you can't become asexual. But you can learn to accept yourself how you are and know that just because you think relationships are scary and too much work now that you won't always think that.

 

[latinheat]

lol i know i can't be asexual....but im just tired of puttin my all into something and getting nothing in return.....sorry i sound whiney i just need to vent ha ha ha i've holding too much in

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Well this is a good place to let it out.

 

[Seasoned]

Relationships, like life, are messy. Investment does not equal guaranteed return. You have to be ready to risk and trust. You will also do best if you take things a day at a time. I think relationships work best when neither partner takes the other for granted. And yes, all relationships end, some by choice, some by the death of a partner. It's not so much about tomorrow or next year, but rather about today.

Being in a long term relationship I can say that it's been worth it even though there have been days when one or both of us were about to bolt.

Relationships require communication and growth by both partners in the same direction. Some are easy, some aren't. And always remember the only person you can change is yourself. Good luck to you.

 

[rareboy]

I don't think you're putting your all into relationship building by a long shot.

I think you're carrying a whole set of baggage around with you that you need to unpack.

Frankly your approach to all of this needs a huge amount of work and hopefully this is a first step in the right direction.

Are you really bi? Seriously. Think about it. One understands the dilemma of the sexually conflicted, but if you're just labelling yourself bi because you're not accepting that you're a homo, then start there.

The next thing is work on maturity. Evaluate how emotionally and intellectually mature you are in all of your life, not just the dating area. If you find yourself unable to make good mature decisions about things in general, then work on that.

Stop running away from stuff and leaving things unresolved. It is a sign of immaturity. If you have trouble changing this, find a counselor who can help you.

Read more. Think more.

Stop being stubborn and strong headed. They are not becoming qualities and will destroy every relationship you enter.

If you are the product of bad parenting skills, indifferent education and fucked up socio-religious upbringing, make a conscious decision to change that. Forgive everyone. Ask them for their understanding and forgiveness as well. But change the patterns of your life or you will not be successful in anything, including realtionships.

Change all the things that are preventing you from being happy and joyful and then get out there and find love. Don't try to do it the other way around; expecting the entire world to bend to your will and to make you happy. It won't happen and you'll only make yourself and everyone else miserable.

 

[KaraBulut]

Welcome to JUB.

so my question is: am i destined to be alone forever? can i change this?anyone else feel like this? or advice about what i should do? positive feedback only please!!!

If you read through your first post, you've depersonalized the entire experience into something about sex and dicks and questions about your sexuality.

There's nothing in your post about relationships and intimacy.

You won't find the answers until you drop those walls a bit and get close to another person. Not just close in bed- we're talking actual intimacy. That means getting to know them. Letting them get to know you- the real you.

Anyone can get off. And guys can get off on just about anything.

But if the question is whether you're gay or straight, then it's not just about getting offf. The answer to your question is to get a better understanding of what it means to be in a relationship and to make emotional commitments to that relationship.