Concerned about catching something

[surfpants22]

Hi all,

I'm a bi teen that has recently decided to look for action in the d.c. area with the help of CList. There are some really attractive guys on here and I actually want to hook up with them, but with the threat of STD's looming around in my head, I'm so hesitant to do anything. Every time I'm just about to go out and do something I see their potential penis locked and loaded with the next big, permanent disease.

If we use a condom, like I always do with anyone guys/girls, should I be okay, or is there still a high risk?

 

[KaraBulut]

You're having sex someone who is on a website for people who are there looking to have sex. Is there any higher risk group?

Unless you're planning on limiting yourself to handjobs or camming, anything else you do comes with a certain degree of risk.

If you must do this then bring your own condoms and use them.

 

[surfpants22]

I realize this isn't the best choice in the world to use a site like this, but I'm not out yet, so going out and meeting someone without being exposed isn't a risk I can/feel comfortable taking yet. Do you have any alternatives?

 

[hopnung]

Well, if and when you catch something, how will you explain it to your friends? I suppose you would have some explaining to do (such as coming out...)... yeeahhh.......

 

[surfpants22]

DAMN, thats a good point. I hate this situation. Always horny, but one night of fun isn't comparable to a lifetime of potential treatments. GRRRRRR!

 

[luminum]

Yeah, hook-up sites probably bump up your likelihood of encountering someone who has something and even more so, who probably doesn't care about safety.

But to answer your original question:

A condom will protect you from HIV (assuming that it's latex/polyurethane and doesn't break) and most bacterial/parasitic infections like gonorrhea and chlamydia.

It will not completely protect you from herpes, which can be passed by skin-skin contact as well or syphilis (if they have an open sore, say on their mouth and you have a cut as well).

A condom every time for no-strings hook-ups and new relationships is a great practice, but it's not the final say in STI transmission.

If you're still in the closet and you want to meet some people (not sexually) try looking for a local support group or LGBT club. Since you're young, I'm sure there are several in DC and all of them should respect and understand in-closet status. It could be a great way to meet other queer youth in a safe environment and form some friendships and possibly relationships.

 

[EvilForce]

DAMN, thats a good point. I hate this situation. Always horny, but one night of fun isn't comparable to a lifetime of potential treatments. GRRRRRR!

Unfortunately, so much of the bible beating minions have wanted to demonize any sexual contact and over-hype the scariness of it all. If you use a condom, EACH and EVERY time you have sex with someone you have not swapped blood tests with and hold a monogamous relationship, will make you as safe as you can be, which means the chances of getting an incurable STD is next to nil. Not impossible, but very, very slight. At a certain point you need to come to grips with what are acceptable risks, and which are not for you. Living is dangerous. We can all die tomorrow walking in front of a bus, or a terminal case of cancer out of nowhere. Make sure to embrace life, balance your risks, and most of all..... have fun, play safe, and love freely.

 

[KaraBulut]

We can all die tomorrow walking in front of a bus

Continuing the metaphor...

The advice in the thread is not intended to be sex-negative or preaching.

The reality is that you're more likely to be hit by that bus if you play in the street. And the risk increases if you're playing on the freeway than if you're playing on a residential street.

Internet hookups are like playing in the street. Internet hookups through hookup sites like Manhunt or Craigslist are like playing on the freeway.

Once upon a time, we told guys to watch porn or jack each other off ("on me not in me") and to choose your partners wisely. Somewhere that message has gotten lost.

The increasing rates of STDs, curable or not, are an indicator that gay men aren't giving thought to whether a one-time hookup is worth the risk- a question everyone should ask themselves.

 

[954dude]

Continuing the metaphor...

The advice in the thread is not intended to be sex-negative or preaching.

The reality is that you're more likely to be hit by that bus if you play in the street. And the risk increases if you're playing on the freeway than if you're playing on a residential street.

Internet hookups are like playing in the street. Internet hookups through hookup sites like Manhunt or Craigslist are like playing on the freeway.

Once upon a time, we told guys to watch porn or jack each other off ("on me not in me") and to choose your partners wisely. Somewhere that message has gotten lost.

The increasing rates of STDs, curable or not, are an indicator that gay men aren't giving thought to whether a one-time hookup is worth the risk- a question everyone should ask themselves.

Great response! One-time hookups aren't special, especially the risks...I'd rather get to know someone first and then get physical, not look for some quickie/anonymous sex. Respecting and loving yourself is all you've got to do.

 

[jockboy01]

Is there any higher risk group?

Yes... IV drug users. Haha. And it would be interesting to know the risk stratification of this group. I'm not aware of studies. I mean, compared to like a bathhouse group or a pick people up at bar group. I actually might think the internet group could be lower.

However, I agree with the comments.

First off, not all of the pics on CL are real... trust me. So don't think there are all of these hot guys out there waiting online. Very few turn out to look like their picture.

Second, you're in DC... a place I actually came out in. Therefore, I would strongly recommend that you look into the gay community there. It's actually really cool (I miss it to be honest)

If you want, I can introduce you to some pretty cool guys there (probably, if they'd agree haha) that came out with me. Not to date (one has a bf, the other isn't looking and they're probably both too old for you) but rather to talk to. I haven't talked to them about it, but could if you wanted. Anyway, just putting that out there.

And welcome to JUB!!

 

[luminum]

If you use a condom, EACH and EVERY time you have sex with someone you have not swapped blood tests with and hold a monogamous relationship, will make you as safe as you can be, which means the chances of getting an incurable STD is next to nil. Not impossible, but very, very slight.

Genital herpes? Skin-to-skin. Not as "awful" as HIV, but certainly not "curable" and definitely permanent.

Plus, I think one of the bigger issues is that he's young, bi, and interested in fooling around and really, being young there's much better sex out there to be had than CList sex with strangers.

KaraBlut's response was good. There's risk in any sexual act, but risk is higher for different environments--one of the more notable ones being online hook-ups. If he's in DC, he might as well take the safer route and make some friends and see if any of them might want to fool around. If that's the case, then he has the added benefit of knowing them a bit better than an internet anybody and if they don't then he has a good outlet for his closeted status with some new friends and secure relationships in a largely gay-friendly town.

 

[KaraBulut]

Second, you're in DC... a place I actually came out in. Therefore, I would strongly recommend that you look into the gay community there. It's actually really cool (I miss it to be honest)

I missed that he was in DC. DC's a strange place. On one hand, there's a federal government that isn't exactly gay-friendly and then a few miles away, there's one of the nicest gay neighborhoods in the US. Dupont Circle is a very nice area. The gay community in DC is friendly and there's several large universities in the area, so there's plenty of young guys looking to make friends and meet people.

Is there any higher risk group?

Yes... IV drug users. Haha. And it would be interesting to know the risk stratification of this group. I'm not aware of studies. I mean, compared to like a bathhouse group or a pick people up at bar group. I actually might think the internet group could be lower.

Internet chat rooms and hookup sites have been understudied but I remember seeing some studies out of UCSF a while back that indicated that men seeking sex with men (MSM) on the internet were more likely to indulge in high risk behaviors and had higher rates of STIs that the general population. It's been a while since I read that study and what their conclusions were but I believe their hypothesis was that the anonymity of the environment encouraged more aggressive meeting styles. This would make sense- go into a chatroom and you'll get a message quickly from someone looking to hookup versus a similar offer in a gay bar.