Confessing my Feelings

[KissHimTenderly]

Hey all,

I was just hoping to maybe get some quick advice. It is currently 11:27 AM in California, where I live, and tonight around 6-7pm I will be leaving to the airport to fly out to the Philippines for three weeks.

Well there is this guy, with whom I last hung out with on Saturday. He, being a hardcore Mormon, was not allowed to hang out with me on Sunday, do to some religious things. So on Saturday he mentioned that we should try to hang out Monday, the day before I leave for my 3 week trip.

Now to get things straight and clear, I really like this guy. He knows I am gay and he has also confessed to me that he has an attraction to guys. But he does not really WANT to. He also has an attraction to girls and he is working with a counselor to try to cope with his homosexual side, and perhaps push the feelings way far back into his mind. His ultimate goal is to marry a woman and have kids, but he won't do so until he knows that he will be totally devoted to her.

I don't know if he has any sort of attraction to me, and I have no clue if he knows if I am attracted to him. But basically, I was wondering if I should tell him how I really feel. We have been able to share most of our secrets together but we have only talked deeply for about 3 weeks. I have known him for a few years, but haven't really TALKED with him until this summer.

Lurking some of the threads here, I have seen that time and distance really help with impacting news (breakups, coming out, etc.) So would it be good for me to tell him how I really feel (most likely via Email) before I leave for three weeks? That would allow him plenty of time to digest the information.

I am just not sure whether or not to do it. I mean, if he was interested at all, perhaps he would have tried to call at least, before I Had to leave for three weeks. But then again, maybe he has a good excuse as to why he couldn't hang out with me yesterday.

Please help!!

 

[trawler69]

I think communication is the key. Talk to him, let him know that you understand the problems that he has and let him know that you are there for him and care about him and will support him no matter what. Be the best friend you can and above all listen and try to understand what he tells you.

At the end of the day what he chooses to do is down to him but, by expressing your feelings for him by your actions as a friend, he will know that you are there should he need / want you.

 

[rareboy]

Tell him face to face.

Let the chips fall where they may.

If he is a real man, he'll realize that he is a homo and deal with it.

If he is a moron puppet, who needs that kind of shit while he figures out how he's gonna dishonestly stick his dick in a vagina when he really wants to be fucked hard by a man.

 

[KaraBulut]

Let's say that you tell him. Then what?

He's a practicing Mormon. He's already in therapy- perhaps "reparative" therapy? He intends to get married and have kids like Mormons are expected to do.

Unless he's willing to walk away from the LDS church, there's little hope for a future for with you.

He needs a friend, not a boyfriend.

 

[Echoes]

tell him face to face I think by an e-mail you'd be just giving him more problems, there are some things that don't need to be that thought, how longer has he been Mormon? maybe he thought that they would help him to cure his "illness", is that why he's a Mormon? try to figure out why he's in therapy, does he think he's ill and need therapy? If you really want to have a relationship with him you must be prepared to help him with those issues, at least you should start making him understand that being attracted to men doesn't mean that he's ill at all.

like KaraBulut said, he needs a friend, not a boyfriend.

 

[KissHimTenderly]

Thanks soo much for the help guys.

So here is a little update:

I went to the Philippines for 3 weeks and we kept in contact via Email Messages, since international service wasn't provided by my cellphone service.

I never mentioned any of my attraction to him. I would just answer any questions he had, and ask him if he has been doing alright. I bought him some souveniers as he said he would really like that. But I have yet to give them to him. You see because when I arrived home, he had already moved away. (This is was explained in another thread I posted before this one)

I knew he was going to move away, but I didn't know he would have already been gone. He finally got his cell phone back last night though and we texted back and forth pretty much all night until I fell asleep.

And I am just being a friend to him in all of these texts. I guess since I like him so much, I want what is best for him.

He told me how he was sooo happy because he met a new girl that lives across the street from him at his new house and she gave him "her number and stuff."

And I guess if that makes him happy, I want that for him. Friend first, more later if ever.

Still, text messages can really tell a lot about people. Or maybe I just over analyze. But he seems to put effort in having to type out my name in messages. And my name isn't one that appears in T9 texting haha.

Like he would wish me good night like "Good Night Joseph " as opposed to "Night dude." or "Night man" like my other straight friends do

capitals, smiley face and all. Except for MY name...not Joseph, that is just an example.

Can anyone read anything from that text message?? He likes to use those smileys a lot too.

 

[Muscles4daze]

I say keep it at a friendship level. Sexually confused men are a lot of headaches and drama. The fact that he is seeing a therapist to help repress those feelings is definitely and indication that he is someone you would not want to pursue a romantic relationship with. I can see that this guy has a lot of emotional baggage, but it's up to you if you want to deal with it.

 

[KissHimTenderly]

Yeah I agree. I will just keep it at a friendship level. It's great having him to talk to about almost ANYTHING that I can't with anyone else, and I would hate to lose that.

He has thrown up the suggestion of having a sleepover with me, him and then one of our straight friends.

Hmmm, what happens if our straight friend supposedly can't make it

haha

 

[GBirdie]

Haha.... nice thought, though in MY life.... things like 'what IF' never happened before....

Well, in my opinion, I'd say the same as the others, keep him as a friend, a good one, as good as it gets, but still a friend, no further than that. If he's decided to go see a therapist, there ain't many turn-backs unless he suddenly decides for himself that he should just be who he is.

You could (just an opinion) PROBABLY..... just probably, show that you care for him, be the best of a friend, and see what happens. But NEVER, convince him to stop his therapy or something similiar......


That's all I can say.

 

[Lube]

What kind of therapist is he seeing? A Mormon (or Mormon-recommended) one? Or a neutral therapist?

You're not imagining things. He does like you (based on those txts). And the "girl across the street" is probably bullshit.

He's a basket case, and will drive you crazy. Even if you do manage to fuck him in a sleep-over, he may "forget" that it happened.

He has to be comfortable with his homosexualit--or at least working towards it--before he is worth going after.

And do you really want to be only friends with someone who you like much better than that? He's moved away, so why don't you forget about him and find someone new. Good luck.