On Topic Discussion Confessions of a gay fat man

[NotHardUp1]

When I was Googling a gay journalist this morning, I stumbled across this Reddit thread about gays, attractiveness, and happiness.

As much as I'd like to re-list his list of tenets here, it would be wrong, so go to the link if you'd like to see what he wrote and how men responded:

https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/1809kk8/i_was_once_ugly_then_became_a_stereotypically/ Reddit thread on gays and dating by Steve_FS

A lot of the 13 statements ring true. The thread wasn't specifically about fat, but it was about obsessive fitness for fuck's sake.

What do you think?

 

[NotHardUp1]

Gosh.

Who knew ugliness would be an unpopular Hot Topic?

 

[Peloso]

Well, there's a lot to unpack here. Red flags everywhere. And oh so many questions. I'll just break it down bit by bit.

I was once ugly, then became a stereotypically attractive gay man, then simmered down to average-looking.​

Sounds to me like Steve-O is hung up on looks, a character flaw that does no favors for those who are attracted to people of the same sex. I'd be willing to bet he's posted more than once trying to find out why his many micro relationships are so dysfunctional. And just what, by the way, Is a "stereotypical gay man"? Ugly is subjective. Sexy is subjective. Assholism is usually not.

1.) Food is better than sex, abs, and attention.
Says who? I think a poll would offer a great many varying opinions. The fact that he included "attention" here is telling.

3.) Not everyone can un-average themselves, but everyone can un-ugly themselves.
Tell that to John Merrick. I say that because it's obvious we're not talking about inner beauty here. Inner beauty is fake news apparently.

4.) Wear clothes that fit you, not clothes that make you look thin.
Yessir! Shall I grow a beard as well? How about some new tattoos? I love it when the internet tells me what to do. I'll wear what I please, thank you.


5.) When you’re sexy, some people want to have sex with you for their own ego.
Some people won't.

6.) People do treat you better when you’re good looking. Insecure people will hate you.
He should know.

7.) So many sexy men are cold and distant in bed. Average men are cuddly and awesome. Ugly men will constantly talk about their insecurities in bed.
I think it's safe to say that if your partner is lying there like a dead fish, the problem is you.

8.) Weight loss is fucking hard after 30.
True. Helpful hint: you can instantly lose 8 pounds by chopping off your own head, Steve.

9.) Floss your teeth, get a tongue scraper, and use nice-smelling conditioner for easy attractive points.
I won't even think of dating a guy who doesn't scrape his tongue and smells like a drug store.

10.) The sexier you become, the more you become an object for people to use up.
Jesus, this guy is shallow. .

11.) Ugly and average people: stop making friendships via trauma-bonding.
. . .and offensive, too. Perhaps I'm just not familiar with the reddit definition of trauma bonding.

12.) Get a cat/dog for easy companionship without the stress
Generally speaking, a cat/dog hybrid is bound to be prone to many chronic conditions, especially heart problems. Catdog food is hard to find. All of this is likely to be very stressful.

This poster's rant is a good illustration of how fucked up many gay men are regarding looks and body type. It's middle school philosophizing at its most dysfunctional. I would expect no less from social media.

 

[Vannie]

I used to be confident until I opened this thread.

 

[TickTockMan]

I don't agree with him fully, but I don't feel he is that wrong either.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

The inner mullings of a vapid homosexual whose entire personailty is 'human kum dump' are of little to no interest to me. I wish I'd bet my right testicle there's nothing of value in that reddit cuz I would've won. I gave it a once-over and the vibe was Peter Pan Syndrome, guys who mentally and emotionally never left 9th grade.

 

[NotHardUp1]

I don't agree with him fully, but I don't feel he is that wrong either.

I was surprised at the degree of agreement in the Reddit thread, ostensibly by gay men.

Of course, as Peloso implied, this depiction of gays only speaks to a limited slice, which is the point of the OP on Reddit, I'd posit.

What is at core is true for gay and straight men. Are you obsessed with fitness as a health concern, or as a necessity for cruising or being cruised? Of course, many men who are not introspective may not consider or know what the primary motivation is, or care.

But, especially due to the role of gay men not being breeders or heads of household, I believe it is true that more social pressure is there about appearance and fitness and sexual desirability than for the middle-aged father who is expected to develop a dad bod (to some degree).

In couples, both straight and gay, there is a varying degree of expectation for both partners not to let themselves go. On the other hand, there's also a diminished expectation in the majority of long-term couples to be objectively sexually attractive in the same way singles experience.

I particularly find the comments about ugly interesting, as I constantly read on 9gag comments by young men about how they are ugly, and have little chance of attracting a woman. Yes, it sounds shallow, but our culture with its apps and swipes is increasingly a market place that is shopping on visible traits, and an ugly face is an ugly face is an ugly face. In person, a person with charm, or intetlligence, or fun, or bravery, etc., would have an opportunity to put those assets forward. In a hookup app, much less so.

So, ugly should be talked about. No amount of muscle or strength changes that.