Conflicted: friend on porn site

[CHUCK905]

Doing some late night porn trolling I came upon a photo on an amateur site that looked a LOT like a friend (and former student). I paid the cheapest intro membership and found his page (20 photos, 15-minute video in which he’s “interviewed,” strips, fingers his butt-hole, jerks off and cums.) It is my friend a few years ago. The thing is, he’s in a rather unusual profession and even though he uses a fake name, he talks about his work in the interview and that he’d just moved to town. I was simultaneously turned on and freaked out by this discovery, (although I did download everything before my membership expired.)

My conflict is how to I handle this knowledge. The kid is NOT a slutty clubbing type who I’d expect to do something like this. He’s very soft-spoken, intelligent, and cute. He’s had a steady live-in boyfriend ever since I’ve known him. This seems really out of character for him and not something I think he’d want spread around. Being human, (and a gossipy fag at that) I’m bursting at the seams to tell someone, anyone. But that seems so wrong. And what do I do the next time I run into him or the BF? I probably won’t say anything but it’ll be like the 600 lb. gorilla in the room.

As a senior member of the community I feel like I should just say to 20-somethings that even if you’re not planning on ever running for congress the www in for-freakin-ever and you should really think hard before you put anything out there that you wouldn’t want your future employers or family or in-laws to stumble across years later.

 

[ANDORYUU]

My conflict is how to I handle this knowledge. The kid is NOT a slutty clubbing type who I’d expect to do something like this. He’s very soft-spoken, intelligent, and cute. He’s had a steady live-in boyfriend ever since I’ve known him. This seems really out of character for him and not something I think he’d want spread around. Being human, (and a gossipy fag at that) I’m bursting at the seams to tell someone, anyone. But that seems so wrong. And what do I do the next time I run into him or the BF? I probably won’t say anything but it’ll be like the 600 lb. gorilla in the room.

Is it really him? Make sure you're facts are correct.
Are you still friends? And how does it affect your friendship if it is him?
Is it your place to speak to him?
Is it really your place to speak to his boyfriend?

As a senior member of the community I feel like I should just say to 20-somethings that even if you’re not planning on ever running for congress the www in for-freakin-ever and you should really think hard before you put anything out there that you wouldn’t want your future employers or family or in-laws to stumble across years later.

You have a right to your opinion, but you don't have the right to force it on him. You maybe correct in those opinions that starring in porn may destroy relationships and job prospects but that is his choice to make, and he must live with the consequences of his actions.

I personally, would not intervene. However, the choice is yours.

/Andrew

 

[KaraBulut]

In general, guys do porn for 2 reasons:

1. To show off
2. Because they need money

This seems really out of character for him and not something I think he’d want spread around. Being human, (and a gossipy fag at that) I’m bursting at the seams to tell someone, anyone. But that seems so wrong.

You're making a generalization that there's a certain "character" that does porn.

It may be that this guy was fat or skinny or a big geek when he was younger, and showing off his body is his way of over-coming that old bad self-image.

Or it may be that he's from a family that doesn't have a lot of money and he did porn to cover his college costs.

You don't know the reason and quite frankly, it's really none of your business.

And what do I do the next time I run into him or the BF? I probably won’t say anything but it’ll be like the 600 lb. gorilla in the room.

You don't do anything but remind yourself that you don't know the circumstances and it's none of your business anyway. So, you just treat them like you did before.

 

[BearMagus]

One day I was watching porn with some buggies when one of the guys on the screen looked really familiar. I watched the scene and watched it again about 10 times. It was my partner when he was 18. We at that time were in our 30s. I bought the tape from my friend and refused to show them who caught my eye or why. I never mentioned it again. It's old history. I haven't watched that tape in years because I don't have vhs anymore. But it was amazingly hot to watch him.

If he wanted the world to know, he would have said something. I would keep this to yourself as if nothing happened.

 

[Eagle653]

Be classy and keep it to yourself. While gossip rarely comes in richer form than what you found, you'll be perceived in all sorts of negative ways by spewing forth. And, the more excited you are about it, the worse you'll be perceived (even if the receiver takes equal delight in the discovery). Believe me on this.

I once found the ex of a very good friend in a porn flick. I know the feeling of being "being turned on and freaked out by the discovery." That was exactly how I felt.

My friend (the star's ex) did eventually find out about it, but not from me. Yeah, it was hard not to yell "Look what I found" to everyone who knew him/them. But, I'm glad I didn't. It was an interesting discovery, I'll have to admit. I also downloaded it because it was someone I knew. But, that was it. It became a trivial piece of information tucked away about someone I knew, and nothing more. Treat him the same. Everyone who knows you, including you, will be glad you did.

 

[CHUCK905]

Thanks, everyone, (including the harshies), most of you confirmed my more positive instincts and confirmed that the gossip instinct would probably lead to no place good. I know I won't say anything to him (and I never would to the BF, that wasn't ever under consideration), but it will be interesting for me to see how I react the next time I see him. He is cute.

C.

Be classy and keep it to yourself. While gossip rarely comes in richer form than what you found, you'll be perceived in all sorts of negative ways by spewing forth. And, the more excited you are about it, the worse you'll be perceived (even if the receiver takes equal delight in the discovery). Believe me on this.

I once found the ex of a very good friend in a porn flick. I know the feeling of being "being turned on and freaked out by the discovery." That was exactly how I felt.

My friend (the star's ex) did eventually find out about it, but not from me. Yeah, it was hard not to yell "Look what I found" to everyone who knew him/them. But, I'm glad I didn't. It was an interesting discovery, I'll have to admit. I also downloaded it because it was someone I knew. But, that was it. It became a trivial piece of information tucked away about someone I knew, and nothing more. Treat him the same. Everyone who knows you, including you, will be glad you did.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I don't see what all the fuss is about. If he doesn't care if the whole world sees him jerk off, why should you? He can't be so stupid that he thinks nobody he knows will see the pictures, can he? (Although see under Wrestlers, Nebraska.)

If you want to talk to him about it privately, why not? Don't say anything in front of his bf, but who knows, he may know about it and be fine with it.

 

[joeG23]

Forget what you saw. What he does is his business.

 

[Telstra]

doing porn while you are young is ok because you look good. If people sees you 10 or 20 years later, whats the big deal since you were much better looking then than NOW.

Now that naughty pics is not really you anymore, its just the history of you.


To Chuck, don't gossip about your "friend" or former friend's business without permission.

 

[Jory]

Me personally I would have asked him but not like : Hey Fred I was on such and such site was that you I saw....... More like hey Fred I saw this guy on a website who sort of looked like you man you two could be brothers. Leaving the ball in his court

 

[KaraBulut]

Thanks, everyone, (including the harshies), most of you confirmed my more positive instincts and confirmed that the gossip instinct would probably lead to no place good.

This harshie gave the advice that he himself adhered to.

And the example reasons that I listed were the reason that several of my friends did porn.

Tuition is expensive and if someone offered $1500 for a day's work? Well, I've done worse for less.

And as they say... glass houses.

 

[Lube]

I don't see what all the fuss is about. If he doesn't care if the whole world sees him jerk off, why should you? He can't be so stupid that he thinks nobody he knows will see the pictures, can he? (Although see under Wrestlers, Nebraska.)

If you want to talk to him about it privately, why not? Don't say anything in front of his bf, but who knows, he may know about it and be fine with it.

This is what I was thinking.

I mean, he made the porn. He knew it would be public. You found it. So what? What else could he have expected? If he is surprised that you found out, maybe this is his wakeup call.

 

[G-Lexington]

If you're good friends, seriously, I don't see any problem bringing it up. Just rephrase it as "I was on a gay porn site last night, and I ran into this picture there, and thought 'Hey, that looks kinda like X.'." If he's comfortable with it, he'll run with it. "Oh, was that on hotjerkingguys? Yeah, I did a session for them..." If not, he'll just say "Oh, really?", you can laugh about it, and change the subject.

Lex