Confused about a guy's behavior

[whatmynamesays]

A couple of weeks ago I met this very sweet guy. He was open to me about being gay from the start and I had already liked him before he had even told me but I only flirted him very mildy. They day we met, I invited him over to a friend's party. So we went to the party and got drunk. But not extremely drunk. I'm sure we both still knew what we were doing. We were dancing together all the time and hangin out together. At some point I asked him if he liked anyone from the party and he told me he liked me. A couple hours later we were kissing on the balcony. I was pretty open to him though that I didn't have any sexual experiences with guys and I have a lot of insecurities. I also told him I liked him too.
We didn't do much more than kissing that day. We left early in the morning I took him back to his hotel and while we were on the subway we were talking about our lives. I was feeling really happy and excited at that moment - like look, at last something's nice is happening in my life.
The following day we chatted via fb- he told me he wouldn't be going out because he hadn't had enough sleep. Then two days after the party we went together to a spot near my place where you can get a great view of the city. But it just didn't feel as intimate as I did at the party. We spent some time there - I apologised to him for not saying much that day because there really wasnt much I could say. I asked him if he still liked me (I know that's a stupid question to ask someone face to face but I had no other way of finding out). He answered me something along the lines of "Yeah... but this isn't the right place".
After this he met with some friends and we parted ways. Then the following day was his last day here (He was in Athens just for a small trip and then going back to France.). But he didn't contact me on that day either. So i just sent him a message "Have a safe flight tommorow. I'ld really love to see you again some time. Bye bye". He replied we talked a little more but nothing special.
So I don't know what to make out of all this. Did I turn him away by being honest and telling him I was inexperienced and insecure about my self? Was he just a too drunk on that night? Did he prefer spending his time in Athens with is friends than with me(because aall his friends were from different places so he didn't know when they'd be able to get together again)? Was I a bad kisser? I don't know. I really liked this guy. It wasn't love but we shared so many similar opinions and he was so sweet. Just looking at him made me want to hug him. I know we couldn't have a relationship because we live in different countries and that wouldn't work but at least it'd be nice to know that he felt about me the same way I did for him.

 

[medic1]

He was there on holiday for a few days with good friends, who by the sound of it do not meet up on a regular basis.

Yet, he still made the time and effort to spend some of that precious time with you.

You both had an amicable parting.

Take it for what it was, a holiday crush. I could not tell you his feelings for you, but actions speak louder than words.

Enjoy thoughts of the good times you had and reflect on them with happiness.

I also think you are correct on the relationship aspect of this.

 

[Seasoned]

He did feel the same way about you at the time so hold on to that memory. You really no nothing of his life in France and he may have been returning to a husband or boyfriend. You saw some qualities in him that you liked. That gives you a clue when meeting guys who are more available. Best wishes.

 

[jaysizzles]

I think you've got a great memory of a good time with a "sweet guy," so my thoughts are is that you should appreciate it for what is was. I'm sure he did like you, otherwise he would never have met up with you a few days later. He was there to spend time with his friends, with whom he is closer to, so it's understandable that he'd want to spend his last bit of time with them. I also suspect that he didn't want to lead you on into thinking that there would be potential for a long distance relationship...perhaps why it was awkward, and maybe he was over thinking things, or sensing you may have wanted to. I don't know. Sometimes it difficult to process feelings in such a short amount of time and you both subconsciously struggled with how to deal with it all.

If you do choose to try and continue a long distance friendship with him, I'd wait a few weeks and send him a casual message with something along the lines of: hey...you know that thing we were talking about (quick comment on whatever it was.) Then close with: It was great to make a new friend. Let me know what's new with you, etc. That way, if he is in a relationship back home, it won't get him in trouble, and if he's not, he may look you up if he's ever back in Athens. Please don't take it personally if he blows you off though...sometimes these things are best to leave for what they were.

 

[whatmynamesays]

Thanks a lot for offering your opinion everyone. I have one more question. There is a slim chance that we may meet again in a couple of months.... This time in france though. Should I be more reserved on that meeting? What would you guys think?

 

[medic1]

^Be the man he met in Athens, be yourself.

That will be the image in his mind of the lovely guy he had the chance to spend some time with.

I wish you well, regards Adam.

 

[jaysizzles]

Do not be more reserved...be yourself. Now that you bring this up, it appears that you'll be in communication more than I thought based on your original post. During the course of the next few months you may have the opportunity to feel him out for what to expect. Realistically though...what do you want from all this, seeing as how you live so far away? It seems to me that the most you should expect is to be friends that hook up...no strings attached. If that is what you're after, then don't be shy about it. If he has no commitments to anyone else, I don't see why he wouldn't be into it too.

 

[KaraBulut]

Thanks a lot for offering your opinion everyone. I have one more question. There is a slim chance that we may meet again in a couple of months.... This time in france though. Should I be more reserved on that meeting? What would you guys think?

Just be yourself. That's always the best option.

 

[mcbrion]

Another perspective.
When a person truly likes you - in that way - it doesn't change because of the scenery. There are - and will be - guys who seem to like you, but it's just circumstance (an exciting vacation romance, a chance encounter, a live-for-the-moment encounter). And then there are the guys who like you - until you admit you like them back (usually meaning they liked it better when they were pursuing you than when you responded to their (supposedly) "liking you.") And that happens more often than many guys are even aware of, since it's rare that someone says," I liked it better when I was pursuing you. Now that you're responding, I'm feeling anxious, because I wasn't expecting you to like me back." In which case, you would know this is not someone who's ready for a genuine connection.
So, the next time you see, be yourself, but there's nothing wrong with contacting him and saying, 'I really liked our first evening together. Have you thought of me since then?" (Women do this all the time, and they mature much earlier in life than men do. Not my opinion: sociological fact.) A mature person will answer honestly yes or no. An immature person will evade the question, or hem and haw - which is, in itself, an answer (meaning: they are not comfortable with their own feelings or feeling vulnerable, which is not a good sign). Don't ignore the signs. Better still: since you're not face to face, email or text him. People nowadays are (unfortunately) more honest when they don't have to see the look on your face if they say no. Which is why I object strongly to text messaging, which can be a media that suits emotionally unstable people (those who would avoid being honest to your face, but have no problem saying "sayonara" in a text message, because they don't have to see the hurt they're causing you). On the other hand, although you might be hurt, it's to your advantage to be sure how someone feels about you, so you can either rejoice, or else accept that it was, as the words to a song from the 40s goes, "it was just one of those things/just one of those crazy things…" And even if it's disappointing in the moment, as long as you feel the disappointment all the way through, it WILL dissipate, unless you hold grudges, in which case, it will leave you bitter. And even that will tell you something about yourself, perhaps something that indicates that therapy would be beneficial, because people who hold grudges don't usually have room for deep, abiding love.
So, text him, and mention that you liked that encounter. And then wait. Don't count the days, because things happen in people's lives that you have no knowledge of, i.e., they got sick, their best friend had an accident, or whatever. People nowadays expect an instant answer without knowing what's happening in the other person's life, which could be something quite bad. My generation is more used to letters, and you wouldn't hear from someone for maybe two weeks after writing a letter 30 years ago, because it took time. In other words, patience made for maturity and not instant gratification. And remember, liking a person, in the most genuine sense, means you like him for him, regardless of whether or not he can return your affections. That seems to have disappeared in today's narcissistic society, but it's a better indicator of how grown up you really are.