Confused about a new friend...

[RobbieSHOT]

I know many people ask adivce on this topic, but for some reason I need help more specific to my situation...here goes.

So I define my self as bisexual, but not open about it to anyone. I've had sexual experiences with guys and girls since I was 16 (i'm now 19) and really enjoy both.
A few months ago, when i started college, i met this kid who lives on my floor and we became friends very fast. I mean, it's to the point now where he is like a brother to me. We party, go to the gym together, talk, hang out etc. I initially befriended him because i thought he was hot (and i still think so) haha and he kinda set off my gaydar? He has an amazing body, cute face..all that but besides the point, he's a good person.

He says that he's straight but he's never had sex with a girl, though he talks about how he wants it a lot. But every now and then he has some gay tendencies that come out.
He brings up how a lot of people are homophobic and he's not, he hates when people use the word "gay" as a synonym to stupid, very into his looks, refered to this kid as a "stud" one time, this girl was about to give him head 1st semester and he said got nervous so he couldn't go through with it (all cliche i know) you get the point. It's like he's trying to drop hints, but i could just be over-thinking this.
Recently, we even seem to be kinda flirty with each other...like to see who is gonna push the limits. Last weekend, we were drunk and both very close to each other's faces, it was possible we could have easily kissed. I'm becoming very attracted to him, to the point where i want to make a move badly.

I'm afraid if I do, and he's not into it, our friendship will be over. I think he's in the same boat as me not wanting to come out to anyone. I wish there was a sign he could give me so i would know EITHER way. Should I try to bring it up in conversation and see what happens? Get drunk with him and make a move? It's not like i'm in any rush, so i don't mind waiting.

Honestly, right now my mind is leaning towards not trying anything because our friendship means too much to me. Which is perfectly fine with me too. He tells me all the time i'm his closest friend at school. He's just so cute...and it's SO tempting sometimes
Can any one offer any advice? It would be much appriciated! Thanks!

 

[HartfordGuy]

get some beers and a bisexual porno.

Then invite him over for a few beers. Tell him you found the porno in the lounge and suggest you guys watch it.

Then let nature take its course.

 

[AdmiraalW238]

get some beers and a bisexual porno.

Then invite him over for a few beers. Tell him you found the porno in the lounge and suggest you guys watch it.

Then let nature take its course.

Now that sounds like a good plan

 

[Saucisson]

Unlike HartfordGuy and Admiraal, I believe a porn movie will certainly not be the best help. It seems that there is both sexual attraction and strong feelings between you guys, doesn't it?

Would you say you're in love with him? Do you want to have sex or start a true, deep relationship? A porno could be great indeed, but that's SO unromantic... I guess using that solution just depends on what you REALLY want with that guy!

 

[Saucisson]

OK with i dont care, friendship is gold and time's a great advisor...

 

[conrad]

Don't like to give advice so I will simply tell you that in my experience it is wise to work on the relationship. When a friendship become something more than friendship men look for ways to show that feeling. There comes a time when things move from words to the physical. With the proper opportunity and privacy sexual expression will seem right and natural to both parties. The sex then is the sealing of the relationship. When that happens the sex is fantastic because it carries a meaning and with each development and repeat it only gets better. And you don't need any booze or drugs for that kind of sex.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

You want to put the things into a wider prospective.

Having sex with a dude does not mean that your friendship is ending. Not at all. There are loads of guys out there who enjoy 'friendships with benefits' for all it is worth. Some of these friendships grow into serious relationships and some don't. It really boils down to the people involved in it and to their circumstances.

Having sex with another dude at the age of 19 does not necessarily call for a major coming-out campaign. You may only want to consider the coming out issue, once you clearly establish that the pattern of your usual sexual behavior calls for it. Not before.

You and your friend are late teens and early twink dudes. You have a lifetime ahead of you but that lifetime has started and yeah, you may want to experiment and experiment some more before you draw any final conclusions.

Last but not least: if your friend is really st8, he may or may not give it a try or two. Many str8 dudes do that in your age range. And then, they stop. This is not for them; m2m sex does not float their boat; it does not crank up their tractor, whatever... So, they find themselves a GF and move on into the str8 waters.

Why waste a great opportunity to add up to later regrets?

SC

 

[RobbieSHOT]

thanks for everyone's advise so far! it's certainly got me thinking...
more perspectives to this situationt than i had thought!

i have to agree with Saucisson...although that would be a lot of fun i just don't think that would be the right way to ago about it...he doesn't seem like the porn watching type...but we've never really talked specifically about porn.

Right now, I think i'm just gonna take my time and see where things go. We have already agreed about rooming together next year and even getting an appartment next summer. So, i'm not worried about our friendship ending anytime soon, at least. I have plenty of time to try and experiment with him.

oh and SilverRRcloud...i am no "twink!"

 

[ejbonk]

I say,just be yourself,and leave thing the way they are for now. But,if you want to end the ???? stuff fast go with the beers and porno idea.

 

[blackbeltninja]

RobbieSHOT-

I'm glad to read that you are going to bide your time and think it over. I think that will serve you well. I particularly think that using alcohol (or anything else) to your advantage is a recipe for disaster.

If you are going to live with him, you don't want to force the issue. I would suggest, if he's cool, letting him know that you are bi, and telling him straight up. Tell him that you don't want him to freak if you are living together and he finds out then, so he should know ahead of time.

That way, the door is open for him if he's ever going to do anything with you. Also, he won't go batshit if he finds out while you're living together.

Yo Boston!

What he said.

In addition, my opinion - and I will admit that I am probably over-cautious - is that having a great friendship will be far more beneficial than you ever making a move on him.

Good luck either way.

-d-

 

[RobbieSHOT]

I've come to realize this and I'm happy with my decision. But who's to say it couldn't change?
Thanks for all your advice. Honestly, it's comforting to know most people here have "their heads on their shoulders," and can give out some great opinons.
But if there is ever that off chance, something ever happens...i may not interupt

 

[Saucisson]

This is a mature reaction - good luck whatever happens

 

[krisKums]

Hey there, im Kris.
I Know exactly what your talking about. a friend of mine i met at the gym, and a total jock stud, named jared.
We hit it off right away in the locker room on my first day at the gym.lol
then we became work out buddies, then ended up at the same college
and even started meeting for dinner
I decided to put my friendship fist either out of smarts or fear. He ended up transferring to Texas Tech, but we still hang in summer. I decide to wiat and see.

My new friend Is younger than me
and has total gay tendacies. lets just say very very metro. he's a total hottie too more of a model type then a jock. Im so into him. but, he says hes not gay. And he gets really sensitive about the subject. so i avoid it.
every one thinks hes gay. I think he is just doesn't want to accept it yet. Since hes still in high school I think its just too early for him to accept it.
i decided as a friend just to listen to him and support him. for what ever he decides , as long as its not self distractive of course.
will Im not much help, but just wanted you to know others on here who know exactly what type of situation your in.
there are know easy answers.
I wish you luck
hugs
Kris

 

[krisKums]

The guy who siad this (OK with i dont care, friendship is gold and time's a great advisor)
Is totally wise
great advice

love
kris

 

[Eternaldarkness]

seriously, DON'T! Dont force him to come out or accept interest in you. Instead, open the door by greeting him in.

Its very simple. Like you said, he's not homophobic, he has gay tendency (and might be), and he's such a close friend.

Simply the next time when you're together, without the presense of others, find an opportunity to say your bi to him. Don't stress on it too much. Don't go "I'm bisexual and I'm really into you."

But instead, if you're ever on the topic of homosexuality or whats so ever. Drop a line into the conversation in a light and honest way.

"by the way, as we are on the topic. I'm bisexual, and I totally understand what you mean."

You'll be more likely to get a really happy response or something like "I'm totally fine with that." than "eww! get away from me!"

hehehe.

Just to let you know..when you open the doors like that in such a friendly and honest way.. he might re-consider his curiosity later on. Its all about trusting.