confused after breakup please help!!!!!

[tomwellingLUVA]

hey there...if anybody read my last thread, they'd know about the whole ex-boyfriend-is-straight-and-i-wanna-die situation. and if you haven't, now you do. so anyway.....

it's been about a month since the breakup, and my ex is being an asshole. i called him about two weeks after he left me and told him that even if i can't have my boyfriend, i want my friend back. He said that he missed me too and wanted his friend back. so i decide that i'll be friends with him, but only if he gets the balls to approach me for once and say hi. I've carried our relationship since day one. He has never made the first move in any way, shape, or form. So now i hear from one of our friends that he's blaming me cuz we can't be friends since apparently i won't talk to him. He says that when he says hi to me i just ignore him. The ONE AND ONLY time he has ever talked to me on his own accord was last week tuesday which would have been our anniversary. It was the one day i didn't want to talk to him and the only time he's ever said hi to me...and i even said hi back! then i went back to my convo with my friend cuz he interrupted me in the middle of a convo...w/e.


so anyway now onto the REAL confusion. I've decided that i'm having a lot of trust issues right now and that i need to be single. However, i'm willing to screw around for now until i can get myself back on my feet.

so i have a friend......he's "straight" and i used to want to date him. He hit on me at a party last year and being the naive person i was back then, i thought it meant he wanted me...big shock when i found out i'd been used (no sex happened that time, but i knew he wanted it).

so it's been 9 months since i got my heart broken like that. we're great friends now he's so cool! so we're at this valentine's day party at our friend's house and he drags me into another room to show me a video on youtube......so while we're watching this video, he puts his hand on my leg. one thing leads to another, and i end up finding myself making out with him...just like 9 months ago. i know he's done stuff with other guys (one of my really good friends included) and i'm pretty sure he's having trouble figuring out what he wants. but right at that moment i just thought "okay so for now he wants me...only sexually though....and i'm really okay with that" and just kept enjoyng myself.


we were at a party yesterday......

i knew he was gonna hit on me AGAIN.......

and i didn't stop him.

i was sitting alone in one of my friend's back rooms cuz i was having a depressing day about my ex (AGAIN GRRRRRRR! ) and he walks in....he asks me if i want to talk about it and i say no....then he asks if he can have a kiss. my eyes are closed and my head's back against the wall when i say "only if you can come over here and get it yourself"....so he comes over and again the making out begins



i end up laying back against him while he basically molests me....and the first time i thought he was trying to get into my pants, i stopped him but it turned out he was just trying to get under my shirt. he didn't want to get in my pants.....YET. so 5 minutes passes and he asks me "would u mind if i went into the pants?" and i thought about it a little and said "yes". He asks me why and i said "just for now". so he grudgingly says "okay" and keeps on with the earlier molestation. eventually he says "i have to leave soon" and says "just once" before reaching into my pants (at this point i'm really not complaining anymore).



he starts saying things that no straight guy ever would. so i start feelin horny and decide it's my turn to return the favor. the angle wasn't go great so i could only rub him through his pants. he says "i have the biggest hard-on right now". really i wanna screw with him but it's so weird right now. i've NEVER done anything sexual outside of a relationship and i think it's scaring me.


he's invited me to a "sleepover" just the two of us at his parent's house cuz apparently there's a whole wing of the house they don't even go in and there's 5 pull-out couches for mass fun.........i really wanna go and just throw away my inhibitions.....i'm not planning on doing anything requiring a condom...at least not yet.



any advice? i'm not 100% sure what to do. Does my newfound wanting to screw around make me a slut? i've been trying to avoid being a slut all my life and now i feel like i'm becoming the one thing i've always hated. It's just that my ex royally fucked me up in the mind...please help

 

[Diodorus]

uhhh,,be safe,,have a good time..don't stress out,,,don't allow other people to judge you.....read "The Science of Mind" by Earnest Holmes...(that will keep you quite busy)

 

[silentalk]

If you don't feel comfortable about it, then do not do it. Keep in mind that if you go home with him, somethings WILL lead to other things.

So, if you feel like you're not ready, then don't even go to his place!

 

[StlKj]

So, I think it's interesting that you feel compelled to try and keep at least a friendship with a man you admit has NEVER been the one investing in the relationship, and you talk about it as though it was a loving one.

Then you have a straight friend who initiates interest in you, and you become passive and describe his actions as "molestation." The one you can't have hurts you by not wanting you, and the one who wants you hurts you by acting on it.

And then to add insult to injury, you try to label yourself a slut for wanting to just play around some.

Why not let go of the unhealthy relationship you keep investing in, check out the one who is interested in you (if you want, or let it go too if you don't want it), and stop judging yourself while you figure out what it is you want for yourself?

 

[KaraBulut]

Here's the last thread for about a month ago:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=200957

Let's look at patterns...

1. Confused straight guys
2. Using you for sex
3. Dumping you afterward because they're straight.

Is this a pattern that you plan on continuing? How many times do you need to repeat the pattern before you learn?

You've become a passive observer to your own sexuality. That's not a good place to be in. If you want to avoid having your heart stomped all over again, you need to get control- of yourself and your sex life.

Find people who are interested in you.

Find people who respect you.

Respect yourself.

Stop wasting your time and energy on confused straight boys looking for guys guys to use.

 

[tomwellingLUVA]

as a reply to the early comments....

1. I am comfortable so thanks that did help

2. "molestation" i guess was a bad word..."rubbing me sensuously without any bad feelings on my end" gets it better i think...

3. i don't like this guy as more than a friend and he doesn't like me back either so this would just be casual sex so i don't have to worry about "following the pattern" we're just friends and we both know that it isn't a relationship

4. my last relationship was a loving one...at least i loved him. after we broke up i found out about all the times he lied to me and all the stupid things he did so i'm guessing he was just pretending the whole time....

5. the only reason i really want to keep a friendship with him is because i have to see him every day since we have so many mutual friends and i really don't wanna have to think "oh great here he is" every time i'm around him cuz it's gonna be a lot.....


still looking for more posts!

 

[framacias]

well to state the obvious its all up to you sir.
just make sure youre not gonna be kicking yourself in the ass for doing this. (if you do go along with it)
karabulut has some pretty good points.
and keep this in mind. lets say you do end up doing it. other than sexual gradification, what else would you be getting out of it?
you are obviously nervous about casual sex.
dont put yourself in a position where you dont feel 100% about it ya know?
it will benifit you to steer clear of confusion like that. (my personal opinion at least...)

but on the flipside of things...
it may be fun.
and as far as things go with your thoughts still in your ex. well maybe this could help you get off of it. (that is if you are trying to get over him) yeah it sucks because it would be kind of a rebound situation. but everyone has their moments ya know?
hmm...
sorry for making that too long. eck.