Confused...Am i straight??

[killa10288]

Hey, JUB
My first post but have been lurking around here for a while.

So firstly, I believe i'm bi - I Had girlfriends and jsut broke up with my gf of 4 years. I found myself sexually attracted to them. But i always had this urge to be with a man... I've always jacked off to gay porn. I've tried striaght porn but i never got the same orgasm, id say weaker.

I stuck to gay porn and i really built up the idea that I was closeted. The thought of being with another man would give me an instant hard on. For 5 years (since i was 15) i've always had fantasies to be with men.

Finally the day came, i stumbled onto a site called craigslist(lol yea i know. Don't need the hate ) So i set up my first encounter. my first m2m experience, and it all happened within 3 hours of replying to an add. I saw the pictures, and didn't know what to think... I wasnt really attracted to the pics, but said fuck it and i called the guy. He was over in 20 mins. Completely overwhelmed that anther man is touching on me, letting me suck him and everything... but when the time came.... i never did. A lot of things racing through my head at that point....

Ive hooked up with 2 others. and none of them made me cum unless i tried really hard.. I don't know what the deal is... I found them both attractive. But ive felt something was off.

When having sex with my gfs. There was something there... i can't place it. but i couldn't stop myself from cumming if i wanted too.

And now i lost my sexual drive. I dont have the urge look at gay/straight porn anymore... I don't get off anymore. I still occasionally hookup with guys(maybe because they are easier than girls ???), but its always forced ejaculation or nothing at all. There was always something there that made me feel like i wasn't attracted to them, but it was the type of men that i would fantasize about.

I'm lost.. confused.. maybe i continue to hook up with these guys because i wanted the company; the close body contact.

I'm really starting to re-think where i'm at on this gay-straight continuum..

Any replies are appreciated.

 

[killa10288]

Re: Confused...Am i straihgt??

Don't know why i lost my sex drive...

 

[Lube]

Re: Confused...Am i straihgt??

Maybe you're more into romantic sex than hookups. You know, like with a woman: the candles, soft music, low lights, long tender kisses, etc.

Nothing wrong with that.

But you're not going to find it on Craig's List.

See my blog post about meeting guys.

 

[killa10288]

Re: Confused...Am i straihgt??

lol... umm not really im a bit rough, but they like it.

I don't know. Dating guys wasn't really my thing and i've never thought about looking for one. Could be societies doing...

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Killa...

I've quoted a few lines from your original posts...

A lot of things racing through my head at that point....


But ive felt something was off.


I'm really starting to re-think where i'm at on this gay-straight continuum...

I don't know. Dating guys wasn't really my thing and i've never thought about looking for one. +

Could be societies doing...

Notice anything? Theres an awful lot of thinking going on here... And that mate is all this comes down to. Your head space. Right now I think you feel conflicted... But before we get to that, theres another important factor that ties in... the girls you have been with as you describe here have been in the context of a romantic relationship, in other words the girlfriends. And the guys? Hook ups.

Right now mate, my guess is that you are having an awful lot of trouble bridging the gap between the emotional needs you have and the physical. And honestly if you have a lot at some of the previous threads here you'll see its a pretty common thing.

In your imagination, without the need for reality, without consequences and without outside pressures, being with a guy is easy. Its lustful, hot, heavy and fulfilling. Theres no thinking, theres no fear, theres no questions.

But suddenly, when you are actually with someone all of these outside thoughts flood in, reality if you like.

What does this really mean? Shit this really does mean I'm bi? Am I? Do I want that? Shit I'm so turned on that I'm scared... should I be this turned on by a guy? Could I go out with a guy? What will people think if I'm bi?

Often as guys who are still figuring out who we are, the reality can be overwhelming at first. And combine that with the need to feel emotionally involved with our partner and your head does cartwheels. Its one thing to be physically turned on, thats easy... we're guys. Its a whole lot harder to let go of our own emotional baggage when we begin this journey.

Mate its simply this. You need to be comfortable in your own skin. You need to feel confident and proud of who you are, no matter what your orientation is.

Having sex, making love is as much an emotional experience as it is physical. So until you get comfortable with who you are, and the consequences of that, lay off the hook ups. All you are going to do is keep confusing yourself, and creating this endless cycle of pressure and doubt.

Are you bi? Yes. No doubt.

Are you ready to be bi? Not quite... but your getting there.

 

[koibito24]

Rather than just hooking up, seek someone who you find attractive and get to know him. Afterward, feelings, whether good or bad, start building. Once a good connection is made, a friendship is establish. whether it becomes an LTR or not, the sex is a bonus to the relationship. The grand prize is that you found someone that you care about.

 

[daman23]

Tallguy297 hit it on the head exactly. Its all in your head. I recently just started messing with guys too.(about a year or so) I can jack off to gay porn and cum in an instant sometimes back to back. But then i have been with guys who i even had crushes on(major crushes) and had problems cummin. really in the end its you fighting yourself. When you are with these guys you are probably thinking about a lot more than just having sex right? probably like tallguy said "What does this really mean? Shit this really does mean I'm bi? Am I? Do I want that? Shit I'm so turned on that I'm scared... should I be this turned on by a guy? Could I go out with a guy? What will people think if I'm bi?"

My advice to you is relax and i guess give it time

 

[givemeaname]

seems to me like ur forcing things .... and i would agree with other posters here that maybe what u want to get out of it isnt just to cum .... perhaps u want the intimacy that generally only comes from being with someone u know and care about .... if ur not yet ready to try a relationship with a guy then dont .... but my advice would be to stop over-thinking everything and just let things happen naturally ... we all have a different time clock for these things .... youll know when and if you're ready

 

[Lube]

Re: Confused...Am i straihgt??

lol... umm not really im a bit rough, but they like it.

You're rough with your girlfriends, too?

 

[youngnihilist]

try hooking up with guys you're actually attracted to.

 

[sekunder]

Yeah, you really need to not base your sexuality on a random hookups. That kind of sex is not for everybody (it's not for me) and you can't expect to be completely satisfied with it. Lots of human beings (yes, even guys) need to feel a romantic or emotional connection with the person they're fucking in order for everything to work out. Don't think that just because you didn't ejaculate that you're not gay.

Even more to the point, human sexuality is far more fluid than the majority of folks give it credit for. I identify as gay, but it's not because I have ZERO attraction towards women. It's because I don't fall in love with women, and I don't feel that important, meaningful spark of desire, for lack of a better word. There's just something about guys that draws my interest in completely. When I see a guy I find extremely attractive walking down the street or something, it makes me drop whatever thought is going through my mind at the time and literally all I can think about is how much I want him.

And I guess what I'm saying is, far too much emphasis is placed on sex in terms of what one's sexuality is, paradoxically enough. I love having sex with my boyfriend and it's fantastic, but what affirms my own gayness for me is when we're lying in bed together after sex, cuddling one another and talking, just having that sense of complete and total intimacy and vulnerability with one another. While I might be able to have sex with a woman on a purely physical level (although I've never tried it, lol), I could never, ever have that level of intimacy with her.

Anybody get what I mean?

 

[AngelFromAbove]

Yeah, you really need to not base your sexuality on a random hookups. That kind of sex is not for everybody (it's not for me) and you can't expect to be completely satisfied with it. Lots of human beings (yes, even guys) need to feel a romantic or emotional connection with the person they're fucking in order for everything to work out. Don't think that just because you didn't ejaculate that you're not gay.

Even more to the point, human sexuality is far more fluid than the majority of folks give it credit for. I identify as gay, but it's not because I have ZERO attraction towards women. It's because I don't fall in love with women, and I don't feel that important, meaningful spark of desire, for lack of a better word. There's just something about guys that draws my interest in completely. When I see a guy I find extremely attractive walking down the street or something, it makes me drop whatever thought is going through my mind at the time and literally all I can think about is how much I want him.

And I guess what I'm saying is, far too much emphasis is placed on sex in terms of what one's sexuality is, paradoxically enough. I love having sex with my boyfriend and it's fantastic, but what affirms my own gayness for me is when we're lying in bed together after sex, cuddling one another and talking, just having that sense of complete and total intimacy and vulnerability with one another. While I might be able to have sex with a woman on a purely physical level (although I've never tried it, lol), I could never, ever have that level of intimacy with her.

Anybody get what I mean?

Completely. Your statement was completely well-phrased and coherent. I definitely agree on the sentence concerning human sexuality; it is far more complex and fluid than people give it credit. We've only begun to scratch the surface of it.

 

[tallguy297]

Anybody get what I mean?

Yeah Sekunder, I'm sure a lot of guys related easily and completely with your post... it was brilliant, personal and heartfelt.

Thanks for sharing that... and welcome to the forum!

 

[killa10288]

Re: Confused...Am i straihgt??

You're rough with your girlfriends, too?

Lol you make me sound like i'm physically abusing them.. I just don't like to take things slow..

 

[killa10288]

Hey Killa...

I've quoted a few lines from your original posts...



Notice anything? Theres an awful lot of thinking going on here... And that mate is all this comes down to. Your head space. Right now I think you feel conflicted... But before we get to that, theres another important factor that ties in... the girls you have been with as you describe here have been in the context of a romantic relationship, in other words the girlfriends. And the guys? Hook ups.

Right now mate, my guess is that you are having an awful lot of trouble bridging the gap between the emotional needs you have and the physical. And honestly if you have a lot at some of the previous threads here you'll see its a pretty common thing.

In your imagination, without the need for reality, without consequences and without outside pressures, being with a guy is easy. Its lustful, hot, heavy and fulfilling. Theres no thinking, theres no fear, theres no questions.

But suddenly, when you are actually with someone all of these outside thoughts flood in, reality if you like.

What does this really mean? Shit this really does mean I'm bi? Am I? Do I want that? Shit I'm so turned on that I'm scared... should I be this turned on by a guy? Could I go out with a guy? What will people think if I'm bi?

Often as guys who are still figuring out who we are, the reality can be overwhelming at first. And combine that with the need to feel emotionally involved with our partner and your head does cartwheels. Its one thing to be physically turned on, thats easy... we're guys. Its a whole lot harder to let go of our own emotional baggage when we begin this journey.

Mate its simply this. You need to be comfortable in your own skin. You need to feel confident and proud of who you are, no matter what your orientation is.

Having sex, making love is as much an emotional experience as it is physical. So until you get comfortable with who you are, and the consequences of that, lay off the hook ups. All you are going to do is keep confusing yourself, and creating this endless cycle of pressure and doubt.

Are you bi? Yes. No doubt.

Are you ready to be bi? Not quite... but your getting there.

Hey you make perfect sense... I guess i'm still confused about my sexuality but its all good i have all my life to figure it out. so i'm just going to go with the flow ad see where things take me

 

[killa10288]

Yeah, you really need to not base your sexuality on a random hookups. That kind of sex is not for everybody (it's not for me) and you can't expect to be completely satisfied with it. Lots of human beings (yes, even guys) need to feel a romantic or emotional connection with the person they're fucking in order for everything to work out. Don't think that just because you didn't ejaculate that you're not gay.

Even more to the point, human sexuality is far more fluid than the majority of folks give it credit for. I identify as gay, but it's not because I have ZERO attraction towards women. It's because I don't fall in love with women, and I don't feel that important, meaningful spark of desire, for lack of a better word. There's just something about guys that draws my interest in completely. When I see a guy I find extremely attractive walking down the street or something, it makes me drop whatever thought is going through my mind at the time and literally all I can think about is how much I want him.

And I guess what I'm saying is, far too much emphasis is placed on sex in terms of what one's sexuality is, paradoxically enough. I love having sex with my boyfriend and it's fantastic, but what affirms my own gayness for me is when we're lying in bed together after sex, cuddling one another and talking, just having that sense of complete and total intimacy and vulnerability with one another. While I might be able to have sex with a woman on a purely physical level (although I've never tried it, lol), I could never, ever have that level of intimacy with her.

Anybody get what I mean?

Hey thanks for the reply and for including your own personal experiences. it helped me figure out a few things.

 

[killa10288]

HEY Thanks everyone for responding, i was really starting to lose myself for a minute. lol i'm 21 what can i say...
Anyways, still really curious on why i would lose my sexual urges to jack off to gay porn?

 

[fetaby]

HEY Thanks everyone for responding, i was really starting to lose myself for a minute. lol i'm 21 what can i say...
Anyways, still really curious on why i would lose my sexual urges to jack off to gay porn?

My guess, over stimulation. To go from a 4 year relationship with a girl to unfulfilling hookups with random guys, it's quite a leap. Could it be possible that you don't need to jack off to gay porn cause you are fully capable of making "gay porn". An emotionally detached meeting of two guys, with the only concern of getting off? When you watch porn, do you admire the background scenery or do you wank it like there's no tomorrow? Porn serves a function, you've found something else to serve that function. And it's very much like masturbating. Cept instead of your hand you use another man. It's different for sure. Think about it, decide what it is you really want in your life, and then go from there. If it's a girl, go girl. If it's a guy, go guy. When you do decide that you want a ltr, who do you picture yourself with, or how important is sex in a relationship. What would you do if you came across a person who was willing to love you in every way you could imagine, but now be able to have sex with them? Find what you need, and go from there.

Hope this helps, wishing you well.

 

[killa10288]

My guess, over stimulation. To go from a 4 year relationship with a girl to unfulfilling hookups with random guys, it's quite a leap. Could it be possible that you don't need to jack off to gay porn cause you are fully capable of making "gay porn". An emotionally detached meeting of two guys, with the only concern of getting off? When you watch porn, do you admire the background scenery or do you wank it like there's no tomorrow? Porn serves a function, you've found something else to serve that function. And it's very much like masturbating. Cept instead of your hand you use another man. It's different for sure. Think about it, decide what it is you really want in your life, and then go from there. If it's a girl, go girl. If it's a guy, go guy. When you do decide that you want a ltr, who do you picture yourself with, or how important is sex in a relationship. What would you do if you came across a person who was willing to love you in every way you could imagine, but now be able to have sex with them? Find what you need, and go from there.

Hope this helps, wishing you well.

Hey thanks, good post and observation, i guess you could be right. I guess its all up to me now...

hey seriously appreciate the feedback everyone! helped me more than you know

 

[randikajami]

excellent post!!! This answers a lot of questions for me as well and, I feel, uncovers a certain kind of bisexual personality that is very real. I am EXACTLY in the same boat as Killa..

Killa, one question, when you fantasize about guys, what role do u play? are u more vers , more submissive or the guy on top?