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Confused By A Guy.

scains

scains

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I know I'm going to get ridiculed immediately for this being about a seemingly "straight" guy. :rolleyes: But I am hoping that there will be some helpful advice between the ridicule.

It all started in my last year of high school, when it was our annual christmas dance. The students organised an after-party (i don't think I need to explain) anyway, for some odd reason I was really not feeling well and I was sitting at the side of the hall while everyone else enjoyed their "rave." I had an irritating girl from my art class who had a crush on me sitting with me who kept wanting to get me to dance. But I wouldn't because I didn't want her expect anything and because I was really not feeling up to it.
Later on, a guy who I had had my eye on for a while - let's call him K - (there were sort of rumours about his sexuality) came over and tried to get me to dance with him (and others) and he told me I was sexy.:confused:
So, obviously, I did. Not for long though because I really couldn't.

Anyway fast forward through months of crushing, to the end of summer. I was working in the hotel (like I still do) with K and a few others but more notably, L, a close girlfriend of mine, who I could see really liked K. So, I, being a complete idiot decided to wind her up about her crush on him - she was denying it - and I wanted her to realise the obvious. Anyway, they get together. I was kind of hoping the fact that I couldn't have him would have made it easier for me to move on.

Fast forward a year later, and they're still together. And I'm still pining for him. Although I think I have actually fallen for him.
I don't really get the same feeling from him (although I do think he checks me out sometimes) of course I could be deluding myself with a fantasy... ;)
He only talks to me when we're alone though, we don't usually speak when we are around other people - I don't really know if this means anything or not.

I want to tell him that I don't want to see him anymore so that I might get over him -- but I don't know if I could be that selfless.

Luckily he's going back to uni next week - it might give me some time to sort things out in my head.

But something else that's been weighing on my mind since he said it - I asked him if this was his last week at work.
He replied, yes and that it is his last day tomorrow and that he wouldn't be back. But afterwards, as if to reassure me, he said he probably would be back, when he ran out of money.

I'm confused by his delicious smell. I'm confused because he isn't really THAT attractive and I STILL like him.

A little :help: might be in order.

As well as some scolding for having a thing for my friends boyfriend, I suppose...
 
First question, simply because I don't see any indication in your post. Does he know you're gay? Not "he should know" or "I've hinted at it" - does he KNOW you're gay?

Lex
 
Slap yourself across the face.

There.

Feel better?

Forget him.

He can't be that special...he's just something you can't have...so you want him more.

Absence will hopefully put him out of sight, out of mind.
 
"First question, simply because I don't see any indication in your post. Does he know you're gay? Not "he should know" or "I've hinted at it" - does he KNOW you're gay?

Lex"

I don't know.

I've not told him. But since everyone else knows including his girlfriend I'm sure he is aware.
Not to mention his friends bullied me in high school about being gay.
 
You pretty much covered it yourself, you're deluding yourself that he's gay, and he's your friend's boyfriend - and you need to get away from him.

So act on that. Seems like you don't have much choice in the matter anyway since he's going to be gone and all.
 
Then if you REALLY want to make a play for him - and I'd warn against that - would be to come out to him. Tell him in no uncertain terms. Leave out your feelings for him, but tell him you're gay. Because even assuming he's gay, and assuming he's interested (both large assumptions), he's a lot more likely to make a play if he knows you're on the market.

Lex
 
Just move on. If he were gay, he would have let you know he's interested by now.
 
G-Lexington said:
Then if you REALLY want to make a play for him - and I'd warn against that - would be to come out to him. Tell him in no uncertain terms. Leave out your feelings for him, but tell him you're gay. Because even assuming he's gay, and assuming he's interested (both large assumptions), he's a lot more likely to make a play if he knows you're on the market.

Lex
Click to expand...

Your advice seems very useful and I hope that it will proove to be when I tell him :D

Thanks.
I don't think it'll do anything, I think I just need to get out and meet someone else. But I don't think I will ever get over him if there's always going to be this "what if" idea.
 
You coming out to him is his cue to do likewise. To say he's bisexual or gay. If he doesn't take it, you're going to have to assume that he's either straight or not interested. You can't hang on to a "well, he was just too shy to say it then". You'll have given him a wide opening, and if he chooses not to take it, you'll have to assume that he simply isn't going to take it. In which case, you can successfully bury that part of your life, and continue on with the next chapter.

Lex
 
..I don't see much indication at all in the post that leads... he may be attracted to u..
 
Hey May be attracted to you, but may not know you are gay, so I agree with Lex I think you should tell him, if you are comfortable doing that. There is also a possibility that he has heard rumors about you being gay, but isn't 100% sure. The Only problem now is the fact that he is in a relationship, I wouldn't advise you to pursue a guy who is in a relationship.
 
Why on earth would anyone hit on a guy who's dating someone else (much less a girl)?

If he dumps her, that means he'll dump you when the next hot guy comes along.

This has nothing do with his or your sexuality. This is a total dead end, long-term.

Move on.
 
Muscles4daze said:
...The Only problem now is the fact that he is in a relationship, I wouldn't advise you to pursue a guy who is in a relationship.
Click to expand...

A guy who is in relationship with your friend. If it were your boyfriend, would you want her making a play for him?
 
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