Confused guy in need of advice

[justme25]

Hi guys! This is going to be quite long. I'm 23 years old and have always thought of myself as being str8. I watch gay porn and it turned me on and was curious on how being a bottom feels like. But still I got hooked with girls and liked it.

About 6 weeks ago my best friend (he is 22 btw) called, said he had a row with his parents and asked if he could move with me for a while. I said ok since I have a large appartment only for myself. About 3 weeks ago I wanted to look on the net and since my computer was broke I used his laptop and found some gay porn on it. I asked him a bit later about it and he was embarrassed so we dropped the subject.

Last week he told me that he was gay, that he had told his parents and that they kinda kicked him outta their house for that. I didn't realy belived him at first, said it was all a stupid joke and then asked him how did he know he was gay. He said he had kissed and had a blowjob with an former highschool collegue but that they had split up. I was shocked and asked him if he ever had anal sex he said no but that he saw porn and that he wanted to try it. I shouted that I see gay porn too but I'm still straight and he told me he was sorry that he came out and didn't want me to feel unsafe around him and that he wanted to tell me right after he told his parents but was afraid of my reaction, he knew I was straight and asked me if I'm kiking him out. Well I said no but then he asked me if I ever felt hard when watching gay porn. I told him not to ask me that again and went out for a walk. Its been 4 days since then and we are realy awkward. More than that looking back i think there were moments when I felt hard near him and started thinking that he's nice in a sex-related way but that.

So whats your take on this? How do I get rid of all these awkward parts? Should I be suportive tell him how I feel or pretend this didn't happen? And am I turning gay or bi ?

Thanks for reading my rant.

 

[evanrick]

u shuld tell him yer gay too bring on the buttfuckin'

 

[Liveonce]

Take him to a gay bar and tell him that you'll be his wingman. Since you're straight acting and gay friendly, I guess guys will naturally flock to you.

Help expand his social circle and maybe even your own. And the "sexual tension" can be reduced by making it more platonic.

 

[racer2438]

I think you should be more honest with him, but glad your open and friendly at the same time towards hiim.

He seems to need support from people who are understanding.

Your awkward time should not be happing, You should have answerd his question when he asked if you got hard... what would have been the harm telling him you did or did not get hard...nothing....instead of shutting the door on him and saying dont ask me that again.. That instead made the situation more awkward than it was b4, cus not he does not know what he can and can't ask as he would not know your reaction.

If your str8t then your str8t---if you also like to watch gay porn.. so what ... but don't shut doors on people who come to you for help...

 

[mbamike]

I think you are at least bi and just in denial.

Tell your roommate you find him sexually attractive, you get hard when you think about him, and you want to explore what it is like to have gay sex with him. Tell him you are a gay virgin and you want him to pop your cherry ass.

Use plenty of lube and go slow. Good luck!

 

[anchihiro]

I think you need to be more supportive of your friend first. He's just been dissowned by his family for being gay!

That's the number one thing gay people fear when coming out. At the moment he must be in a horrible place so i'm glad you took him in and should continue to be his friend because he's going to need you.

As towards you, i think at the moment only you know what your sexuality is, but don't use him. If you want to experiment he could be the perfect person, but understand you should probably be honest and take things slow. x

 

[Seasoned]

I don't believe in smart ass or insensitive answers in this forum. So here goes the best I can offer as I see it: No one "turns" gay. What happens is that people end their denial and begin to understand they are gay, bi or curious. Not being straight I can't say if straight men have ever had sexual thoughts about men they idolized or have wanted or were curious about butt play. It seems to me that if sexual feeling can be felt in the butt and it is put down the motivation must be cultural and psychological.

Most people, until better informed, tend to universalize their experiences, thoughts and feelings to the population at large. We are unique and make our own way. Why shouldn't a straight man want to feel anal pleasure? Maybe you are straight and just need to ride a dildo now and then. Maybe not. Whatever your orientation, you are normal. Gay, bi and straight are all normal orientations, implying no mental illness or perversion.

Being honest with you bud doesn't mean you have to be sexual with him. I have to say the story does have the earmarks of a gay fairy tale, or even the opening seen of a porn film.

Self or consentual sexuality is not something to be feared, but rather something to be explored. What people fear are their own notions or other's notions of what they wish to explore.

If it ever gets too much to handle alone a good therapist is always a good answer.

Good luck to you.

 

[csm123]

I agree,i think you are at least bi but have been in denial,most likely because deep down you are afraid of the repercusions of acting on your bi side.

Although you have put a roof over your friends head he to must feel awkward and trapped and on an all time low.The best thing you can do for both of you now is to sit down and have a HONEST talk and bring everything out in the open between both of you,also a good time to discuss boundaries or infact how far you are prepared to go.

Right now having a friend he can talk to and trust will mean the world to him.Just remember that gay guys are not normaly going to out you because they understand where you are.

Good luck and support him

 

[justme25]

Thanks for the replies (the ones that weren't silly anyway). I realise I was a jerk and that I shouldn't have acted like that.The honest talk ideea is what I'll try to do since it should at least clear some of the awkward bits. As for the rest I'll think about it. I try to be a open minded person and I realy don't have anything against gay people. Just that none of my friends or relatives are gay or lesbian so it was quite a shock. I certainly don't view being gay as having a mental illness. Still I have thought about myself as str8 with any fantasy on doing it otherwise being just a fantasy. So when all of this happend it started raising some weird questions.

 

[csm123]

Hi again

This could be your best ever opportunity to answer some of your weird questions.Your friend has managed to come out to you, so you know he would be supportive of you, even if you just said the gay porn has made you curious and you may be open to explore that side of yourself.He would then of course understand why you got upset when his question of you getting hard came up,he understands you didnt want to out youself.Everything will seem so much more natural between you if your open and honest with each other.

If you wish for your fantasies to become realities this is your golden opportunity to go with you heart.Dont worry that you dont have gays in your family,you dont know how many have lived out your own fantasies.

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

I think you kinda failed at being a friend, you aren't sure how you feel so you tried to put up a smoke screen to protect yourself. That was the best opportunity to comfort him and you NEED to fix it. You don't have to come out, decide you're curious to him, you just need to let him know that you're his friend and you don't care. Unless you do?

 

[justme25]

Thanks for the support and advice. We had a talk and it cleared a lot of things such as that the fact that he is gay dosen't realy change that he's a good friend. I think that's more important than answering whatever questions my mind spawns. I realy try to keep a open mind and I don't realy care about his sexual preference. Also do you think being curious about gay sex is ok? I mean if I get into exploring this it may make things awkward again. On the other hand I'm realy well... curious.

 

[csm123]

Hi again

No there is nothing wrong with exploring your bi side,but i would recomend being honest about your feelings and as such it may never lead to anything more than messing about.You have to remember that he is gay and may well develop feelings for you that you cannot return at the moment.As long as this is out in the open it shouldnt make things awkward.

Well done in having a talk and letting him know that him being gay does not affect your friendship.Hopefully if you keep being honest with him it should bring you closer rather than making things awkward.

 

[evanrick]

you dont need to rush things. being supportive for your friend will last a lifetime but rushing into something with him isnt so clear.

 

[KaraBulut]

The timing on this is unfortunate in many respects.

Set aside what is going on with you at the moment. Focus on being a supportive friend to someone who needs his friends at the moment.

You will eventually need to come to terms with your attraction to men. You currently identify as straight but you do have sexual feelings toward men. This in itself is not an issue but your response toward your friend being gay shows that you do have some work to do to come to terms with your own sexuality.

In the meantime, apologize to your friend for your behavior. Be supportive. And if you have other outbursts about your friend's sexual orientation, you do need to tell him that you're having your own issues that you need to work through.

 

[justme25]

The timing on this is unfortunate in many respects.

This seems to happen to me too often. I'd sure like to have some fortunate bits of timing here and there.

Set aside what is going on with you at the moment. Focus on being a supportive friend to someone who needs his friends at the moment.

You will eventually need to come to terms with your attraction to men. You currently identify as straight but you do have sexual feelings toward men. This in itself is not an issue but your response toward your friend being gay shows that you do have some work to do to come to terms with your own sexuality.

In the meantime, apologize to your friend for your behavior. Be supportive. And if you have other outbursts about your friend's sexual orientation, you do need to tell him that you're having your own issues that you need to work through.

Thanks a lot for the advice and replies. I know I wasn't a very good friend. We had a honest and long talk about all of this and we're back to normal. It's more than I deserve for treating him like that . I'm still feeling guilty about all that more so now since I've just met his father and sister, ( I knew them from before but... his father talked about his unnatural desire to being "raped" and told him that their door is open only after he visits a shrink and starts taking medication for his "weirdo problems". His sister was cool though, she lives in California and things are apparently ok there.)