confused, is he into me?

[wolfje]

I've met a boy through the internet. We've exchanged a lot of emails, there was even a period when we emailed each other every day. He wanted to meet me, so we set a date . We planned a weekend and he would come and visit me. He stayed much longer than he intended. The date was great, though nothing happened. But we are both kinda shy plus I know he wants to take it slow (he has a mental illness, so that complicates things). I really like him and I think he likes me.

We wanted to set a new date, so I could visit him, but then, things got complicated. His mental illness kicked in and he's going through a rough period right now. He doesn't email as much, because of it.
And that's fine, I'm willing to wait, to take it slow. Except, now I've found his profile on a dating site, which was recently updated (or even created). That really hit me, and now I don't know what's going on any more. It could mean nothing, maybe he just wants to talk to people. But still, it has made me insecure.
I don't want to confront him with it, I mean, it's not that we are in a relation so he's free to do what he wants. But I'm totally not interested in other men right now, so I find it difficult to understand that he would want to meet other men (even though it's only virtual, just messaging ).

He has told me that he's ready for a relationship (in general), and he is not into casual sex. And if it weren't for that profile I would be completely confident that we are heading for a relationship.

So, any advice, or has someone been in a similar situation?
Thanks!

 

[TX-Beau]

Just because you are not into other men, doesn't mean he isn't, even if he is interested in you. Don't try and examine other guy's behavior based on yourself, he's not you.

Guys speak a lot more clearly with that they do than what they actually say.

Email him, tell him to get in touch when he has the time, then leave it alone. Either he'll make the time for you, or he won't.

Let him do the work, and you have your answer.

 

[wolfje]

You're right, I should just wait and see what happens.
And I'm sure he will email me again. And I know I can only wait.

But I think this can go on for a long time. And as long as he's not feeling well, we will not date. If I would see him again, I will know where I stand. Seeing as that won't happen soon (at least not this year), we'll continue emailing and I will continue to feel insecure.

 

[TX-Beau]

If you continue to feel insecure, that's about you. Your emotions are in your keeping, and are ultimately your responsibility.

If you push him to see you and he does, all you know is that you pushed him to see you. If he's into you at all, he'll make the effort himself, without you needing to push.

Frankly if his mental issues are so serious that they incapacitate him for long periods of time, well you see the problem there. He may be in no position to date anyone.

If you want to trade emails, fine, but don't chase, and don't push, and go look for someone else who's a little more stable to date.

 

[TX-Beau]

Frankly I'd be a little suspicious of any guy who told me that they can't date me because of mental illness. Right after the first time we met, who then put up dating profiles trolling for other guys.

Is that consistent? He can't date you because he's sick, but he can date other guys? Either he's so mentally unstable that he's incapable of controlling his actions, or he's fine dating other guys, just not you.

You know which I'd suspect.

 

[HunterM]

If you want to trade emails, fine, but don't chase, and don't push, and go look for someone else who's a little more stable to date.

Take his advice^. You should be dating more and get to know more people. See what your options are before locking into an exclusive relationship. Dating is a lot of FUN!

 

[wolfje]

I won't push him into seeing me. But if I do see him again, I think it would make matters more clear. Not because he wanted to meet me, but because then I can see how he reacts to me. And that will hopefully make things more clear for me.

His mental issues are very serious, and I know that a relationship with him will be hard. It's just that now I don't know where I stand.
I know it sounds suspicious. But he is an honest guy (of course, I could be wrong). His sickness can actually make him do weird things. That makes things harder. And I don't know if he's dating other guys, I don't think so (I think he would tell me). But he could be messaging with other guys.
I emailed him last week, asking if he still wanted to email. I also told him that I was a bit insecure. He answered me by saying that he's in a really rough spot right now, and that he even hardly sees his best friends any more. And I can understand that, the only thing I don't understand is his profile.

If he wouldn't be interested in me, than why would he still email me? And if he only thinks of me as a friend, I would suspect that he would say that to me.
What do you guys do if you meet someone and you're only interested in him as a friend. Would you make it clear to him? You wouldn't want him to fall in love with you, would you?

I'm giving him his space and won't push or chase him, although I am thinking about him a lot.
I've dated before and I've had relationships before. I don't feel like dating or getting to know other people, it's too much of a hassle right now. I think he is really special, and guys like him don't come along often.

 

[TX-Beau]

Man,

Sugar, he is telling you he doesn't want to date you. You're just not hearing it.

The more info you give us, the more suspicious this looks.

So, what is the nature of his mental illness? Schizophrenia? Depression? Psychotic breaks? Hallucinations?

 

[TX-Beau]

I know it sucks when someone we like is not an option, but you know, you can't date him now, so why not let this lie and see if something else comes up.

 

[wolfje]

Why do you think that he doesn't want to date me? Just because he hasn't set a date yet? Or something else? Maybe I've overlooked something? He has a manic-depressive disorder.

I know when you like someone you'll focus on everything. That you don't see straight any more. But still, if it weren't for his profile I wouldn't have any doubts (or at least not as much as I do no).

It would suck big time if he doesn't like me, but as long as I don't know what he thinks, everything is possible. And thus hard to let go.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Why burden yourself down over someone who isn't committing the same level of intensity towards a relationship as you are? There are many guys out there without any mental handicaps who would be happy to date you.

Let this boy work out his own issues.