Confused need help

[jcsjr85]

hello I was wondering if any of you could help.

For most of my life I pretty much considered myself straight, I have been head over heels for a couple of women in my life but I never had the nerve to go beyond saying hi or just looking. But truth be told I never been on date with one and I could count the number of female friends on one hand, pretty much almost all my close personal friends have been male. My only sexual experience was with another guy who I had a big crush on at the time, but all we did was just feel each other up and jerked each other off ( I wanted to do the whole nine yards but he didn't and the whole experience wasn't that great) but afterwards I felt disgusted and ashamed as if I had something very wrong and was trembling. After that we became more distant from each other and pretty much stopped talking to each other, but for a long time I still felt very confused about why I was feeling like this and having these thoughts. Then I just wrote it off as just a phase, but the until December of last year I was at a friends house, I was talking to me about how his ex-wife cheated on him twice and had kicked her to the curb. Just so you know this guy is completely straight and has a five year old girl and I had never had a crush on him or viewed him in a sexual light when for some unexplainable reason I could not take my eyes off of him, It was like a magnet drawing me to him. As we chatted more and more I almost to the point of kissing and embracing him, I wanted to tell him that I could make a more loving companion then any woman but I still kept my mouth shut because I was afraid of how he would react however I did drop a few very subtle hints (like sit very close to him even though there was plenty space on the couch, or how he would look cuter with longer hair). But I eventually stopped trying because I didn't want to possibly ruin our friendship, but I still dreamed of being loving companion to him and being part of a family with him and his daughter. The only people I have ever told about these feelings were my best friend, my sister and my mother, and while they in general don't have a problem with it my friend and my mother think I am confused because I have no experience with women, my sister says that I should speak to a therapist to get a better understanding of who I am. But whenever I am confused about something regarding my sexuality and I ask any of them I end up more confused then when I first started. So after being frustrated for while I stumbled on to this site, and after lurking here for several months I finally got the courage to sign up and now I am here asking for your advice about who I am regarding my sexuality. I know threads like this have been done to death but I am sick and tired of being confused and frustrated and would like to get a better understanding of this.
So that is pretty much it for right now and help or advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[number42]

You don't need confirmation from anybody. It's okay to be gay, it's okay to be bi and it's okay to be straight.

There is no need to label yourself. You are attracted to some men, and you are attracted to some women. If you MUST label yourself, i'd say you're bisexual. But i don't know you; this is a conclusion drawn from a single paragraph you wrote about yourself. Ergo; not very reliable.

If you're attracted to a guy, and you know he's into guys, go for it. If you're attracted to a woman, and you know she's straight, go for it.

It doesn't matter. You should do as you feel. Not let someone tell you how to feel. There is only need for a therapist when you start to become depressed or cannot handle yourself anymore. For now; let it be. Live your life, and don't give a single tought about wether the person you're attracted to is a guy or a girl.

 

[ThreeCrows]

Hi jcsjr85 and welcome to JUB. There are a lot of nice guys here, and I hope you stick around - at least to hear what they have to say.

Since you asked for advice, mine would be that you don't get involved or pine after a guy who will not return your feelings. Emotionally and sexually straight guys are a waste of time. There could always be a open gay guy (just around the next corner!) that you just haven't met yet.

my friend and my mother think I am confused because I have no experience with women, my sister says that I should speak to a therapist to get a better understanding of who I am.

You really don't need to go to a therapist to define who you are. Only you can do that. Wishing you the best

 

[HunterM]

You don't need confirmation from anybody. It's okay to be gay, it's okay to be bi and it's okay to be straight...

If you're attracted to a guy, and you know he's into guys, go for it. If you're attracted to a woman, and you know she's straight, go for it.

^ Good advice. Go out and date women and men. Have sex with them and see what it would feel like. This is the only way to know for yourself. Have fun man!

 

[paatreides]

I agree with Hunter (yet again!! we seem to be on the same wave length - It's uncanny!!).

You don't need to define your sexuality; don't need to pigeon-hole yourself. If someone attracts you and they are open to dating, go for it. Besides, you don't want your sexuality defining you; it's only a part of who we are.

You don't need to be running off to a therapist in any attempt to discover what turns you on. If a guy turns you on, so be it - don't fret over it - don't allow some misbegotten prejudice force you to live in denial. If a girl turns you on, so be it - don't fret over it.

Bottom line is: don't allow some preconcieved notion of having to choose force you to live one way or another. Enjoy the fact you find both men and women sensuous and attractive

 

[Seasoned]

I read your post as a coming out statement. Welcome to JUB. I have a feeling that telling you to date is like telling you to run to the moon and back. This is my guess: you haven't dated women either because you weren't interested or because it felt out place. And you haven't dated men because you don't know how to access gay or bi men.

If you were extroverted or had access to guys that were interested and less afraid more would have happened by now with guys. The key now is meeting guys. That, of course, depends on where you live, what kind of activities interest you, etc.

You may PM me anytime if you think I'd be of some help. In the meantime good luck and happy new year.

 

[KaraBulut]

You're kind of standing on the diving board looking at the water but afraid to jump in.

At this point you know where you are in the big picture. You're on a site that has a whole lotta nekkid guys on it. You're most likely gay. In the back of your mind, you see your future in a relationship with a guy.

So, what's holding you back? What's keeping you from diving in?

 

[jcsjr85]

I read your post as a coming out statement. Welcome to JUB. I have a feeling that telling you to date is like telling you to run to the moon and back. This is my guess: you haven't dated women either because you weren't interested or because it felt out place. And you haven't dated men because you don't know how to access gay or bi men.

If you were extroverted or had access to guys that were interested and less afraid more would have happened by now with guys. The key now is meeting guys. That, of course, depends on where you live, what kind of activities interest you, etc.

You may PM me anytime if you think I'd be of some help. In the meantime good luck and happy new year.

You pretty much hit the nail on the head, I have neither dated women or men for exactly those reasons.

Another thing is I am pretty introverted and I have no gay or bi friends but I would really like to get to know them but I don't know where to begin the only gay area that I know of in Houston is the Montrose district.

 

[jcsjr85]

You're kind of standing on the diving board looking at the water but afraid to jump in.

At this point you know where you are in the big picture. You're on a site that has a whole lotta nekkid guys on it. You're most likely gay. In the back of your mind, you see your future in a relationship with a guy.

So, what's holding you back? What's keeping you from diving in?

Truth be told I have no idea why, I guess part of it is what other people especially certain members of my family and friends would think, but at the same time my mind tells me "fuck what other people think, you are who you are and walk tall and be proud."

Also I do see myself in a relationship with a guy and I really want to make the leap toward that, but I just don't know how.

 

[bankside]

Also I do see myself in a relationship with a guy and I really want to make the leap toward that, but I just don't know how.

Most of that depends on finding the right guy for you. There are no rules that apply to "a guy" for us to share. You don't want "a guy" you want "the guy." And for that, all you have to do is meet people, be open to getting to know them, and it helps to be just a bit brave once in a while. He'll turn up at the right time.

Also, respect the limits of your friend's sexuality - which you're doing but just thought I'd reinforce it. And, there is something good about openness in a family, but honestly you don't need to discuss your sexuality and your emotions like that with them. And at this point I think it would be far better for you to just meet some gay people instead of spending that time at a therapist's office.

Don't give yourself any deadlines, just set out on a journey to meet different kinds of gay people, and you should do okay.

 

[jcsjr85]

Most of that depends on finding the right guy for you. There are no rules that apply to "a guy" for us to share. You don't want "a guy" you want "the guy." And for that, all you have to do is meet people, be open to getting to know them, and it helps to be just a bit brave once in a while. He'll turn up at the right time.

Also, respect the limits of your friend's sexuality - which you're doing but just thought I'd reinforce it. And, there is something good about openness in a family, but honestly you don't need to discuss your sexuality and your emotions like that with them. And at this point I think it would be far better for you to just meet some gay people instead of spending that time at a therapist's office.

Don't give yourself any deadlines, just set out on a journey to meet different kinds of gay people, and you should do okay.

Thanks man, greatly appreciate it.