Confused young man yearns for much older man

[seniorlover]

Hi forum,

I am a young and shy guy with a secret fetish - I am in love with mature men. I love men above 55. The problem is I don't even dare to date anyone, because I fear my feelings would be rejected. I googled about my fetish and learned it is called gerontophilia. But it sounds like an illness. I reckon it is more like a passion that floods my fantasies and drives me mad. Especially whenever I spot a senior with a bearish type of body. A beard and a big belly melt my heart.

I don't know how to come in terms with my feelings about older men. Interestingly only certain kind of men arouse me and I start phantasizing and daydreaming. Could it be that I have a grandfather complex? Could I be healed? Or am I a slut?

At times I wish to find my man and succumb to my wild dreams. But I am so shy that I don't know if there will be ever such a granddaddy who would love me and take me as I am.

I live in a big city but still don't dare to date anyone. On the other side my desire to be the boy for a much mature man burns me really from the inside. I fear that my first man will be a disappointment and I would be hurt.

What do you think about my case?

 

[KaraBulut]

Did you take a look at the Daddies forum? What you're describing is common enough that JUB has an entire forum dedicated specifically to it.

If your fetish an issue? Perhaps but probably more because of the way that you feel about it and the way that you feel about yourself.

 

[seniorlover]

Thanks. I am discovering this forum and above all love the daddies and bears section. Unfortunately it shows often rather muscled men in their 40s. I would need more time to find the real cool threads with really old men.

For me a gentleman is a man in his late 50s or better in his 60s. He is then ripe enough to give love and protect his boylover. I also dislike muscled athletes - they are so unnatural. A gentleman should be a bear type of man so that I can sit in his lap and rest my head on his big warm chest.

 

[SeaCore]

I certainly don't see anything wrong with being into older men but there is a reason that people tend to be suspicious of relationships with massive age differences. There's a real risk of abuse where the older person takes advantage of the younger person's naivety and gaslights them into thinking harmful behaviors in the relationship are normal.

This isn't to say that you shouldn't pursue older men simply that you should read up on signs of abuse and always be willing to seek outside help if something seems off. Really, this advice applies to everyone but I think a lot of people can underestimate the way age (Or rather experience) plays into power differences.

 

[seniorlover]

Thanks for the advice. I really seek true love in older men. I don't want to be hurt in any way. I wish my ideal man values my heart and never beats me but forgives my naive character.

 

[Benvolio]

You haven’t said how young you are. But believe me, all older gays would love to meet a young man. You should have no fear of rejection. If he seems reluctant, it is more likely that he fears rejection.

 

[eastofeden]

I certainly don't see anything wrong with being into older men but there is a reason that people tend to be suspicious of relationships with massive age differences. There's a real risk of abuse where the older person takes advantage of the younger person's naivety and gaslights them into thinking harmful behaviors in the relationship are normal.

This isn't to say that you shouldn't pursue older men simply that you should read up on signs of abuse and always be willing to seek outside help if something seems off. Really, this advice applies to everyone but I think a lot of people can underestimate the way age (Or rather experience) plays into power differences.

The abuse can work two ways...just an FYI. I have seen it....alot.....

Daddy issues...and turning their real abusive or absent daddy into a "god" so they can take out their very real rage on the older man....control him...

...gaining back the power and control over their body or mind that was stolen from them by projecting someone else into a role they don't belong in....

Though it certainly can be the case....it is a mistake to view the younger person...assuming they are of age.... only as a victim.....a BIG mistake for some people....

If they are underage...different story..different dynamics...

 

[Object52]

Check silverdaddies.com

 

[seniorlover]

You haven’t said how young you are. But believe me, all older gays would love to meet a young man. You should have no fear of rejection. If he seems reluctant, it is more likely that he fears rejection.

I am 21. I must overcome my shyness then. I wonder if someone will hug me the first time we meet. I really wish to cuddle in a warm chest and to open my heart. I get attracted to granddaddies who long for a cute small cub to play with and to caress. I know it all sounds as a childish fantasy of mine, but this is how God created me.

 

[SC6201]

You are in the minority...and damn lucky to be.

What I mean by that if it is truly your desire there are a lot more older dudes seeking younger company than there are younger dude looking for older. You will have the pick of the litter...but you will have to come out of that shy shell and show some interest cuz most old guys also won't be on the "prowl" and initiate as the odds are not in their favor.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

I had a relationship for 5 years with a man 37 years older than I, until he died in Paris three years ago, but then I was in my late thirties at the time. Still mourning him every day.

Many older homosexuals fantasize about having a younger boyfriend, but I've found over the years very few have the emotional maturity to pull it off.

I've always liked older men, but I only found I could engage with them in a meaningful way after my thirties; I lacked the emotional maturity myself to engage in such a relationship myself before that age.

If I were you, I'd go to the local bear events. Woof Berlin sounds like a good place to start.

 

[JohnnyAnger]

I'm 7 years into a relationship with someone 37 years my senior, and I am currently 27.

It can feel like an odd thing at first, and it will take others a while to see this isn't some weird daddy complex stage. But for me the interest is never going anywhere - its as fixed as my sexuality. You need to accept this wont go anywhere and try and meet people. I have been incredible lucky over the years and have met a raft of interesting older men who are open to seeing younger guys. Put yourself out there. Getting over your shyness will help - the nicer older men tend to stand off a bit, so not as to be seen hitting on much younger guys.

The event Harke has mentioned should be good for you! You'll soon see there are a lot of us chasing quite similar things!

 

[mcbrion]

I have never seen liking older men as a "fetish".
I suppose there are many older men who like younger guys, but some people are making assumptions about this, as though older men automatically want someone younger. That's a fantasy guys. Maybe if you live in a small town where there isn't a large, openly gay community, this is true, but if you're in New York, Los Angeles, or San Francisco, think again. Cross-generational dating happens, but please don't assume just because a man's older, he values those younger than himself.
SeniorLover, you want to be taken care of - or that's how you've expressed it. And I have no doubt you will find men who will do just that. The thing is, you need to be comfortable with yourself first, and it sounds like you have fears and doubts about your own desirability. That frequently leads to not dating - or even recognizing - someone's character, which is important if you intend to have a good relationship. Otherwise, you'll just succumb to the first older guys who meets the criteria of being older and a bear. That is rarely enough for fulfillment. What inner qualities should this guy have? Kindness? Intellectual? Wonderful sense of humor? Sexy? Loves music and art? Is a man of substance? Ask yourself about whether these qualities matter to you - and then ask if you have them in yourself, because maybe you just want companionship, and that's fine. But if you want a relationship with a emotionally mature man, you'll want to have qualities he is looking for as well. As some guys have pointed out, just because a man is old doesn't mean he's an adult. Some older men are just old and are still children inside. Don't assume that something as simple as age bestows adulthood. It would be nice if it did, but that's another fantasy a lot of people have. The president of the U.S. is about 11 years old, mentally. Ask yourself if you would want him for a lover.

 

[offthewall14420]

^^ Totally... i had a friend who was totally single-minded about career until his mid 30's. Highly intelligence, but low emotional intelligence, and couldn't learn it.... left a trail of disasters in attempting though.

Age does not equal emotional maturity.