Confused

[TommyKS]

Hello, I have been reading this forum for quite some time now and have found a lot of you are helpful. So, here I am asking for some help.

I'm just gonna jump right in to it. I have liked this guy for almost a year now and sometimes thinks he really likes me and then I think he is just my friends. Neither of us are out by the way. We have flirted back and fourth a lot. But half the time I think he is kidding and the other half I think he is not. We just hung out the other day and there was really no flirting but a few hints. We passed two girls and they looked at us; I said "Already have someone" to him (we were in a car.) And he said "Oh ya, me" And then jokingly opened his mouth like he wanted to make out. After we drove around for awhile we decided to go to GoodWill to check out some suite jackets. He was just trying them on but then he held one out like he wanted to put it on me...so he did. There has been a lot...A LOT of other *curious?* things we done verbally...a little physically (Held hands, hugged, rested each others heads on each other.) The reason I don't think he is kidding is because his brother (who am really good friends with) would never EVER do this...ever. haha. But this is the kicker from the other day. After about three hours he said he had to go home to do some homework. Okay...but then a little later I was on my way to a store and saw him at the tennis courts with one of his friends. So that kinda hurt. Or is that just jealousy? meh. Anyway, if anyone would mind replying to that wall of text I would be very grateful. Thank you.

P.S. When I say we flirt a lot...I mean like every time we see/talk/text each other.

 

[spencer]

It's time to sit down and have a talk with the guy. Ambiguous games are getting you nowhere, quick.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Let me be blunt. Your post looks like it's written by a 14-year-old. "I like him, I think I LIKE HIM like him, but I don't know if he LIKES ME likes me, tee hee, idk, what do you think?" Again, that's fine if you're 14. But there comes a time when you need to start approaching relationships and sex in a bit more of a mature manner.

Is he gay? Is he interested? Possibly/probably. But if so, he's in precisely the same spot as you. He's closeted, interested, but doesn't want to make a move because he's not sure about you. And so long as both of you are sitting there waiting for the other to make a move, nothing will happen. If you want something to happen, you're going to have to make it happen.

Two ways to go about this. One is what I call the porn method. Basically, you just start pushing forward. You put your hand on his leg. You lean in more. You tickle the back of his neck. Or you just start fondling his dick or giving him a blowjob. And you keep pushing until he stops you, or you end up having mindblowing sex. The advantage to this technique is that you don't have to force him to confront his sexuality. It's not "gay" - it's just two guys having sex. Which of course is the definition of gay, but he won't have to examine his motives - he'll just let his libido make his decisions for him. Best of all possible worlds, you end up with a friend with benefits. Worst of all possible worlds, you end up with a former friend.

Which is why I favor the second approach. Being honest. But make it all about YOU. Don't accuse HIM of being gay, or being interested. Lay it all at your own feet. Come out to him. Tell him you're gay, and you've wanted to tell somebody for some time, and since you're such good friends, you felt you could trust him with this information. If he's a good friend (which it sounds as if he is), he'll be supportive. And, hopefully, he'll do the same. He'll admit that HE's gay (or bi, or "has urges") as well. This might not happen right away - he might have to get used to you being honest first. And until he does, you keep your hands off, and don't pry. Let him take a cue from you, and let him be honest with you as well. If he doesn't, assume that's a line he doesn't want to cross for now. Best of all possible worlds, you get yourself a boyfriend. Worst of all possible worlds, it's out in the open, you probably still have a friend, but you don't have to sit there wondering if he's thinking what you're thinking.

Choice is yours. As I said, I favor the second. But the first one makes for a hotter story.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

^ I'd say flip a coin to decide between option A or option B.

But for the love of Mike do something because a year of that silliness is a lot of wasted time when you measure out how long a life is.

 

[Eagle653]

Personally, I found these kinds of cat-and-mouse games fun--up to a point. After a while, I tire of guess-work and just confront someone.

I suspect you're at that point, too. As spencer said, it's time to sit him down and have a heart to heart. Your particular game has gone on too long and it's time for some answers and direction.

Good luck! I hope everything goes your way.

And, welcome to JUB!

 

[TommyKS]

Thanks for the advice. I honestly don't think I have the balls to do what you guys are advising though. But these "games" are getting tiring. And to whom said I sound like a 14 year old; you are completely right..errr and wrong. I'm five years older than what you guessed but I feel like a 14 year old school girl right now. heh. Again, thank you.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>But these "games" are getting tiring.

Get used to them. They'll continue until one of you has the balls to either push them forward or end them...and I have a feeling that you both will be waiting for the other for quite some time.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Thanks for the advice. I honestly don't think I have the balls to do what you guys are advising though. But these "games" are getting tiring. And to whom said I sound like a 14 year old; you are completely right..errr and wrong. I'm five years older than what you guessed but I feel like a 14 year old school girl right now. heh. Again, thank you.

Well- if you are 19 and an adult, then it's time to step up. Lex's point is- that while you may have a crush and you may feel like a 14 year old- the only way that you're going to break out of this holding pattern is to act like a 19 year old.

The suggestions so far have amounted to two options:

1. Calling his bluff
2. Coming clean yourself

Calling his bluff means making an advance or daring him to. The next time he says something teasing, give it right back to him. For example, if he makes a comment about making out, you can say, "I don't think you would go through with it- I dare ya". Or find a place when you're alone and hold his hand and see how far he's willing to go in the game of gay chicken.

The coming clean means just putting your cards on the table and saying, "I'm interested". You don't have admit you're gay. You can just say that you're curious or you have wondered what it would be like.

But whatever you do, don't turn this into one of those endless threads about day-to-day reports about the game playing of "I think my friend might be gay". We have plenty of those on the forum already.

And don't waste the best years of your life waiting for this guy. If it ain't happening, then get out there and find a guy who will put up or shut up.

Either make a move or move on.


"Tommy I have a question for you"
"No, Bob, you go first"
"No, Tommy, you go first"
"No, you first"
"No..."