The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Confusing Guy? Cannot believe this - Help?

J

jiffy2015

Joined
Mar 22, 2015
Posts
5
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Been skyping an in the closet guy for 3 weeks and we have connected really well and spoke a life! Real good bond and banter. 3-4hours a day!! We want to meet. He said 70% he wants to take me for food and the cinema and even on a night out because I am a good laugh. And 30% wants to experiment back at hotel if it feels right. He has been looking at places for food etc too! Please do not judge him based on being in the closet. He's very paranoid of anybody finding out which is cool. And we have spoken about his sexuality and what his parents or family would think and he has expressed his issues with coming out.

Today, he texted first before I was going out to the cinema and then we came on cam together later.

He said that we talk too much and that it should be "reigned in". He kept saying Do I understand what he is saying? And that he still wants to speak to me - he just feels talking once a day is too much! (Yet he did most of the talking first...He even rang me from the loo on a night out with his friends!) This is his first day off and he has not done anything all day so maybe he has been over thinking the closet conversation we had? .

He said it is not my fault, i have not done anything wrong and he feels bad for saying it but he said it shouldn't be a big deal. He said we can still talk.

HELP

He is very sarcastic but he always asked "u getting feelings yet" but its hard to know if he is joking with that.

Do I wait for him to text? He texted me today!! I really don't know why hes suddenly thought we talk too much when he does most of the speaking first.

Anyone have similar experience or know how he is feeling?
 
Do what you can to protect yourself emotionally. He may be all over the place as he comes to terms with his sexuality. You may have been a safe emotional cyber outlet as he was coming to terms with his sexual orientation and right now he may be in some sort of transition sand scared. Obviously, this is all conjecture and even he might not be able to put words to it.

I understand cyber connections but until in-person meetings take place there is no real world connection and you may find that you were a catylist for him to move forward due to your conversations, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll ever meet outside of phone and computer.
 
Hard to say. I feel badly for you and I wouldn't necessarily wait for him to do so. After a week if you hear nothing you might text him letting him know you're confused , angry and sad (what're you are actually feeling) but, nonetheless, would welcome communication from him. Then tell him it's up to him to stay in touch.

I had something similar happen to me at this time of year 32 years ago. We had a hook-up and every time I tried for a date during the next few weeks I was shot down with excuses. Finally, I just left my number and told him he was free to call me if and when he wanted to get together. He called four months later. We went out and we've been together ever since.

Realistically, I couldn't tell anyone else to count on that. The real purpose of my story was to tell you that I was able to put him out of my mind once I told myself and him that it would be up to him. I was able to let go of asking only to be met with an excuse and a "let's try again." Perhaps something similar would make things easier for you.
 
Yeah, it was all fun until it became real, then he scurried back into the dark. So long as you never make him think someone will find out, or that he'll ever have to take this into the real world, I'm sure he'll talk as much as you want.

The closet is like that, you should already know that.
 
try not to invest any more of your emotions on him. he's clearly telling you he is pulling back. it's not your fault and it's nothing you did. he's deep in the closet and he's not coming out any time soon. you can forget about meeting in person. he may set something up with you but I'm fairly confident he'd back out. I wouldn't initiate any further texts or calls. the more you invest in this the more it's going to hurt when he disappears. experience has taught me this type of guy likes the talk and attention but when it's time to actually meet they can't take that step. it's too risky that someone will find out his secret. save yourself the trouble. let this fish swim on by.

Steven
 
The problem is not that he is in the closet.

The problem is that he is controlling and manipulative. He controls whether you'll meet. He controls how often you talk. You're relegated to waiting for his texts and hoping he picks the restaurant that you'll go to when he's ready.

His feelings may be real but they're not real enough for him to put himself out there and take the risk. You're probably better getting out of this now before you get more emotionally involved and manipulated.
 
jiffy2015 said:
Been skyping an in the closet guy for 3 weeks and we have connected really well and spoke a life! Real good bond and banter. 3-4hours a day!! We want to meet. He said 70% he wants to take me for food and the cinema and even on a night out because I am a good laugh. And 30% wants to experiment back at hotel if it feels right. He has been looking at places for food etc too! Please do not judge him based on being in the closet. He's very paranoid of anybody finding out which is cool. And we have spoken about his sexuality and what his parents or family would think and he has expressed his issues with coming out.

Today, he texted first before I was going out to the cinema and then we came on cam together later.

He said that we talk too much and that it should be "reigned in". He kept saying Do I understand what he is saying? And that he still wants to speak to me - he just feels talking once a day is too much! (Yet he did most of the talking first...He even rang me from the loo on a night out with his friends!) This is his first day off and he has not done anything all day so maybe he has been over thinking the closet conversation we had? .

He said it is not my fault, i have not done anything wrong and he feels bad for saying it but he said it shouldn't be a big deal. He said we can still talk.

HELP

He is very sarcastic but he always asked "u getting feelings yet" but its hard to know if he is joking with that.

Do I wait for him to text? He texted me today!! I really don't know why hes suddenly thought we talk too much when he does most of the speaking first.

Anyone have similar experience or know how he is feeling?
Click to expand...


I would consider another aspect of this: "he is very sarcastic." With all due respect to anyone else who is sarcastic, this is usually a mask for anxiety/depression/repressed anger. Happy people are rarely sarcastic, and if this is what he is broadcasting during conversations, it is also a red flag, especially if you have never met. I dated a number of sarcastic guys back in my San Francisco days, and it was nearly impossible to get close to them without compromising my own feelings. If you find sarcasm "normal," you might want to look at that. It sounds like inside his head, there's a battle going on (i.e., coming out/or not coming out and remaining inauthentic to himself). You're getting caught up in it, and you haven't even met the guy. This is, regardless of the time spent online, not a healthy connection.
 
AMEN to that, Steven. Fear is running this gentleman's life, and as long as it does, nothing good can come of it.
 
KaraBulut said:
The problem is not that he is in the closet.

The problem is that he is controlling and manipulative. He controls whether you'll meet. He controls how often you talk. You're relegated to waiting for his texts and hoping he picks the restaurant that you'll go to when he's ready.

His feelings may be real but they're not real enough for him to put himself out there and take the risk. You're probably better getting out of this now before you get more emotionally involved and manipulated.
Click to expand...

It was my idea to meet. It was my idea to decide to go for something to eat. He lives in the city, I thought I would let him decide on the place as I do not know where the best places are.

Thanks for your advice guys will really take it on board. I just want to make clear though that I really want to keep him somewhere in the loop of my trip of going to the city for 5 days. I have nothing to lose at all. If he does not meet. He does not meet. I have accepted that this is not going to be simply black and white and I am not putting all my eggs in one basket.

Please just take it a step at a time. He could surprise us all. I am sort of wanting to be there for him if he needs a friend.

UPDATE

He spoke first again. 3 and half days after he said lets stop speaking everyday. For about 40 minutes. On video call. He tried to play it really casually like he was bored. But he unmasked that he had been thinking about what he said and he thought he would speak to check on me. Lol. He also presumed I am "waiting around for him" which I asked, does he actually think I am like that? Waiting on his every move. He joked about but said he does not think I am like that and that its just jokes and I wound him up back.

I briefly asked him about coming to the city. He said I have to let him know when and he will see at the time. Which was honest.

We also spoke about work, his house, his estate and his contact with guys. He said I am the only one on his skype and phone that he has met on the chat room permanently? Confusing lol. He said he only uses skype for family abroad. I half expected him to have loads of guys.

Any further advice, feel free.
 
I don't know what there is to say, closet cases are flaky like that.
 
not much more advice to give. you seem content with letting him dictate the communication between the two of you and are ok with him stringing you along as far as meeting goes .those of us that have been JUB members for a while have seen similar situations play out many times and they usually end up with people getting very hurt. we've given you advice and you've chosen to continue things, happily waiting for him to grace you with another video chat. you're going to continue this no matter what we say.

Steven
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top