Confusing guy

[routethirty]

So I have viewed these boards a lot, but this is my first time posting. I just need some advice and any that you guys can give would be greatly appreciated.
This may be a jumbled mess I have many issues that I need resolved.

Alright here it goes. I have been seeing this guy for about three months, which admittedly is not that long, but we have been spending practically every day together. I have tried talking to him about everything I am about to mention, but when I do he says I am pushing him into a corner and gets angry, so I of course back off and nothing gets resolved.

1. Sex- This one I just do not understand we have sex once a week maybe twice on a rare occasion. When I ask him about it he says he just is not in the mood. He says if he is going to have sex it needs it be intimate. I understand he works all day and is not in the mood after work so I compromise and don't bring it up during the week, but during the weekend you think he would be all over me I try everything to get him sleep with me. Now though it is getting to the point that I am sexually frustrated and it is starting to show I get angry when he constantly turns me down. I have brought it up twice both times he got angry with me.

2. Feelings- Three months is not that long of a time that I understand, but during that time I have definatly developed feelings for him, in fact I know how I feel about him. All he ever has to say about me is that he does not know how he feels, and yet he will sit there and talk about our future. I know I can't force him to feel a certain way, and I don't want to. I want him to develop feeling on his own, but it seems like after this period of time he would budge just a little. He won't open up to me and when something is clearly bothering him he just locks up and will not talk to him, but I don't force the issue hoping he will confide in me at some point. He was in a bad relationship prior so he says he has a hard time trusting.

3. Enlisting- He wants to enlist in the reserves. The problem here is that he never brought it up to me even though he says he has been thinking about it for over a year. He tells me in a text message fifteen minutes after I saw him that he wants to do this. When I give him my valid concerns he gets annoyed and just totally blows me off, but will simply let strangers who do not know him or care about him convince him about what a great idea it is to enlist. Not only that but he gives me an impossible choice. He says that if I can be alright with him joining and will wait for him he will just do reserves, but if I cant he wants to go full time. I know how I feel and am willing to wait, but all he gives me is a I don't know how I feel about you, so I don't know how I can sit here and wait for him for six months without any guarantee that he wont just come home and break up with me two weeks later.

So there it is i am just not sure what to do. I am not to experienced with being in a relationship, so that could be one of the problems. I do not know how to talk to him and everything this last week with him has been draining emotionally. Anything you guys could make of this would be great. Oh and I doubt this will be a problem, but please be honest.

 

[KaraBulut]

Bottom line here is that this guy is not ready and is not mature enough for a relationship.

Grownup men can talk about their feelings and they can discuss issues without powerplay and getting angry.

You may need to throw this little fish back in the water and let it grow up a bit.

 

[routethirty]

I am definatly considering it, but I want to try to get through to him. I really care about him a lot and in general he is a great guy. I need to tell him how I feel about him and I have put it off because I figured he would get scared off and run. Its the sex thing that really bothers me I mean I figure we should be fucking constantly we are still in the honeymoon stage and all, its just weird he only wants it once a week.

 

[hanzosword]

It sounds like this guy does not feel the same way about you and it seems like the both of you are getting too angry all the time. I would think that this early in a relationship that things would be much easier for you. don't know how old you are, but the sex thing is a problem.

I think you should let him go on and join full time and break up with him. There is somebody better for you who you won't argue with so much and who can talk about how they feel and who is super attracted to you and want to have some kind of sex like everyday . Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[saymyname]

Soo many red flags here man. You've been seeing each other every day for 3 months, but have sex once a week? He's either not taking whatever it is you have very serious, or he's not that into you. Usually the first 3 months of any relationship are the best, this sounds more like how things go towards the END of a relationship. Plus he gets upset when you try to talk about stuff. Dump him before you get even more emotionally invested and end up getting hurt.

 

[Lube]

We've been together 2 years and still have sex more than once a week.

He's not that into you. Dump him.

 

[KaraBulut]

I really care about him a lot and in general he is a great guy. I need to tell him how I feel about him and I have put it off because I figured he would get scared off and run. Its the sex thing that really bothers me I mean I figure we should be fucking constantly we are still in the honeymoon stage and all, its just weird he only wants it once a week.

It's not about the sex. It's about control.

You can tell him how you feel but don't be surprised if nothing changes.

I am definatly considering it, but I want to try to get through to him.

We have an emoticon for that....