Conservative Family

[fabio112]

Hi all...

I'm a gay man born into a family of conservatives. For being an Italian Catholic family, they have all come a long way in terms of accepting my sexuality over the years. I've been partnered for just over a year now, and everyone is happy for me and accepts my relationship with him...except my brother. He and I have had polar opposite personalities since we were kids. My mom recently showed me a series of text messages that she exchanged with him about me that were very disturbing. He's the typical conservative who says, "It's not natural, it's not right, etc." I feel like I need to talk to him about it, but I'm not sure how to approach it. Compared to others, my coming out experience was pretty painless. It just feels a awkward, like I'm about to step back into the closet in order to talk to him. I'm not sure where to start with him. I'd appreciate any advice.

 

[Lefty]

Send him an e-mail or what ever...short and sweet.

Hi bro, thinking of you, how goes things?

Leave your personal life out of the equation as a non
relevant to family contact item.

If he brings it up, fine. If not...well, do you discuss his
sex/love life with him?

btw

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

I've always found that you just leading by example... just talk about your life like it's what it is... your life.

He'll see it's not a big deal and that you guys are just... guys... he'll take your lead.

 

[G-Lexington]

If you've had polar opposite personalities since you were kids, I'm assuming you were never all that close to him. If that's the case, I don't honestly see the point in trying to drag him over to your point of view. Just keep living your kick ass life, and leave him to his.

Lex

 

[Seasoned]

I'd stay in touch with him as much as necessary and no more. Your mom was trying to be helpful in some way, I'm sure, but unless the point of her sharing was to show you her reponse, I'd ask for her support as she communicates with him and ask her not to share what he says.

 

[andy12]

Hi all...

I'm a gay man born into a family of conservatives. For being an Italian Catholic family, they have all come a long way in terms of accepting my sexuality over the years. I've been partnered for just over a year now, and everyone is happy for me and accepts my relationship with him...except my brother. He and I have had polar opposite personalities since we were kids. My mom recently showed me a series of text messages that she exchanged with him about me that were very disturbing. He's the typical conservative who says, "It's not natural, it's not right, etc." I feel like I need to talk to him about it, but I'm not sure how to approach it. Compared to others, my coming out experience was pretty painless. It just feels a awkward, like I'm about to step back into the closet in order to talk to him. I'm not sure where to start with him. I'd appreciate any advice.

If it's been "years" and he still says stuff like that, he himself might be gay and in denial. My ex boyfriend had a lesbian sister and his gay roommate had a gay brother. These things often come in pairs

 

[Lube]

If it's been "years" and he still says stuff like that, he himself might be gay and in denial. My ex boyfriend had a lesbian sister and his gay roommate had a gay brother. These things often come in pairs

Quoted for truth.

Really, just live your life. Some people will never come around--it's his issue, not yours.

 

[hotdog1846]

He's having a problem with your sexuality. That's his problem to own and work out. Don't go back into the closet because he's uncomfortable, but don't write him out of your life altogether. He'll figure things out for himself eventually.

 

[conrad]

One's approach to the whole area of sexual intimacy makes all the difference in dealing with the rest of the world. One's family will tend to be no problem if within that family it has been established that what happens sexually between persons is personal and private.

In my world there are just some things that one has to regard as of no proper concern to other persons, including one's immediate family and friends. All these "other persons" are free to let their imaginations reign free with regard to your sex life.

By all means do introduce your friends to your family. Normal families are polite and will treat these "friends" as persons of importance to you. They may wonder whether your friend is also a partner in sex with you, but they are clearly off base is they demand to know. And, one ought to ask whether it is kindness to them to let them in on the pattern of your sex life.

It's really a matter of basic respect for each person's right to make his/her own decision with regard to sexual relationships. Life serves up some interesting and life-changing moments of opportunity. Mine was a loving relationship with the new guy in town. We were young; our community was very conservative; when the sex happened it seemed so natural and so right. We were surprised by the joy of discovering that "other side of our sexuality" and at times we had to consciously restrain ourselves from sharing our elation with others. Wisely, we kept it personal and private.

That was an early and important lesson: human sexuality is a thing so wonderful that one ought to take great care to preserve the sense of the beauty and the mystery of it and to treat it always with awe.

My conservative family were delighted when I finally met and married a dear lady; they have not been betrayed in being less than fully intormed of my other former long term relationships.

I love and respect my conservative family and they have not failed me in offering me the same kind of love and respect. I thank you for considering my "take" on this question.

 

[andy12]

One's family will tend to be no problem if within that family it has been established that what happens sexually between persons is personal and private.

Code for "Everyone can bring their dates and spouses around, except fags."

I love and respect my conservative family and they have not failed me in offering me the same kind of love and respect.

But just because they were "less than fully intormed of my other former long term relationships."

 

[andy12]

My opinion is your bro's views will never change. some in my family view the act of homosexuality is disgusting and doesn't understand it. I am a very religious person I don't say the act of homosexuality is right...and never will. And nothing will ever change my opinion, because i know how God feels on the matter.

How does one go about figuring out the mind of an infinite being? I'd like this gift, so if you could just give short instructions...

Also, some of us don't feel that we have an obligation to follow three millennia old tribal edicts.

Nothing you can say to your brother will change his feelings. But he shouldnt stop associating with you because of your sexuality.

This is contradicted by the tons of people who've had family members accept them or come closer to tolerance, even if it sometimes takes a longer time. Read some threads in this forum, for instance.

I suggest you don't ever discuss it, don't ever bring it up, don't introduce him to whomever you are dating. I believe that in a family sexual matters shouldn't be discussed, cause its no ones business.

Again: Code for "Everyone can bring their dates and spouses around, except fags."

 

[andy12]

Well you don't see the need for God in your life but without God you wouldn't be here today.

That's nice. I'd like to know how you, a mere mortal, can know the mind of an all-knowing being.

And the bible has predicted things that are happening today, wonder why ALL governments are failing..the bible predicts that and explains why, wonder why people are dying the bible explains why, all these natural disasters, bank failures, violence, hatred etc in the world the bible predicted that as well and explains why....

Does the Bible predict it might sometimes rain as well? Things will not always be the way you want them? Oh my! "Things will be bad" is not a prediction: it's called life.

When wayword man thought the earth was square the bible said it was round...and guess what man figured it out...(in modern day)

And bats are birds, of course. We shouldn't eat shrimp either.

And if you feel the need to put it that way thats on you..whatever gets you through your day.

May I ask why a self-hating homo who just knows what the creator of the universe is thinking is hanging out here with a bunch of out and proud sinners?

 

[saymyname]

Andy12, you're awesome, I have a crush on you for writing these posts.

Bible thumpers: fuck off!

OP- dude, if your bro can't deal with you being gay, than he can fuck off too. Why would you want to lower your status as a fabulous, wonderful, loving gay man to a conservative homophobic bigot just in order to please him? Take the high road. If he has an issue with it, that's HIS problem, not yours. Don't ever apologize or act differently around him or be any less than what you are. There's nothing wrong with you. There is, however, something wrong with him.

 

[conrad]

ANDY12, you may be sure that my family were aware that my "friends" whom they met were more than just friends to me. I always have respected the right of others to draw their own conclusions.

But, "coming out" to my family would have served no purpose. It is possible in this world for persons with differing views on matters of sexuality and sexual practice to get along with each other.

One's sex life ought to be a joy, but sharing the particulars of that sex life with family and others can increase burdens all around.

In life there are simply those matters which one does not divulge to others. And, it is the wise person who takes this into consideration.

 

[Lefty]

Conrad

I am in agreement with you. Personal life is PERSONAL.

All family and friends need to know is that you care and love them.

Who, when, where or what you screw is your Personal business.

Do you want to know how often and what positions and where...et cetera

of their personal lives or just to know they love care and support you?

Okay, so I am an anachronistic old Dildo ...like the asshole I'm blowing it out of,

I have an opinion just like everyone else.

Stick to your guns CONRAD

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Who, when, where or what you screw is your Personal business.

Um.. do you call your mother "that woman my dad's fucking?"

Our relationships aren't "who we're screwing."

Can you imagine your sister not telling you she got married because "who I'm having sex with isn't any of your business?

Why is it just the gay guys who are expected to sneak around and hide our relationships from the tender sensibilities of straight people?

 

[Lefty]

No Jasun...

I call my mom dead. I call my dad that too.

I call the man my sister is married to and hopefully screwing Joe.

I don't call my brothers latest anything as I'm not sure what he calls his

"Rosie" himself.

Buddy, this isn't about gay or straight or anything but personal privacy...

at least that is how I took it. Maybe I'm just too tolerant and lacking in

pugnaciousness or have different fish to fry...I dunno, but I don't want

to bicker, at least not over this. .

 

[TX-Beau]

Bullshit, privacy is how you fuck, not who you date. Sexuality is extremely public and always has been, it's damn near everywhere you fucking look, from beer ads to the pictures of kids on your office desk. Hell, even parent teacher conferences expose your sexuality because that woman automatically knows who you're fucking and that you're straight. Yet you don't see parents trying to hide who the little woman is because it's "private."

You can try to conflate the two, but really, saying that your relationships are somehow "private," when no one else's have ever been (how fucking public is straight marriage? dating? engagement - with it all over the media and damn near everywhere in your life from your friends to your family,) is just saying you want to hide in the back of the bus.

You want to hide who you date, that's your affair, but that's not about "privacy," either.

If you want to do that - your choice, but don't pretend relationships are any kind of private or ever have been.

 

[Lefty]

Sorry TX but to me it is privacy....privacy

until and unless YOU elect to make it public...

then, ok...katy bar the door.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

I've never ever heard of a straight person who calls their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife "the person I'm fucking."

Straight people parade loudly through the streets announcing their marriages, they flaunt their unions with big huge parties and expensive tacky dresses and continue to flaunt them with wedding rings, pictures in their wallets and saying "my husband.." in conversation.

As well they should.

The OP has had a boyfriend for quite and while and if he was straight, she would have been kept a secret from his family.

Even Lefty knows that his sister is married... why is SHE not expected to keep "Joe" private but while Lefty seems to think Fabio should with his boyfriend?

No double standards for gay family. Ever.