Here we go...
So there's this guy. We met at the beginning of the year on Grindr, added each other on Facebook, sort of became internet friends. I was instantly attracted to him physically, and the more I got to know him, the better it got - he's smart, funny, nerdy (like me), ticks all the boxes. We met up a few times just to say hey and get to know each other a bit better. And because of a combination of me being so attracted to him and not having much (read: almost zero) experience with guys, I become incredibly (almost embarrassingly) nervous around him.
As far as I could tell, there was a mutual attraction. Sometimes (although not very often) we would flirt on Grindr and stuff like that - one time in particular he was very forward, told me exactly what he wanted to do and said he wanted to do it "asap", which never happened. But anyway, this isn't about that.
Long story short, I helped him get a job at the place I work and now we're workmates. The first couple of weeks he was really nice and attentive towards me - called me cute, that sort of thing - and because I'm shy and don't know what to say back in those situations (at least not at the time), I just sort of laughed it off as a joke. Then after his first 2 weeks a few of us went down to a bar after work to celebrate and congratulate the new employees (he was part of a group of about 10 who were employed). At the bar he had his arm around me quite a bit, bought me a drink, kissed me a bit (!!) and asked me if he could come back to my place. Of course I said yes - I was nervous as all hell but this was something I've wanted ever since I met him, literally months ago.
So he came back to my place and we got into bed - we didn't have sex, we just kissed and groped and I sucked him off a bit. Because of my nerves I couldn't stay hard for very long, and would go soft whenever he tried to do something to me, and I think I could sense that disappointed him a bit. But throughout the night and the next morning I was getting the vibe that he enjoyed coming over and wanted to do it again - I can't remember exactly what he said, all I remember is being so happy that it was going well and that it would happen again.
And it did happen again. A couple of weeks later we both went out for drinks (just us this time) and he ended up coming back to my place - although this time he said something about coming to mine because the trains on his line weren't running that night and he didn't want to catch a bus. I didn't complain though - I was just happy he was coming over again. It wasn't as eventful as the first time but we still kissed and spooned a bit - but again, my nerves got in the way of anything happening down below for me. A remember him saying "your hugs are lovely", and feeling so good about that.
But that's where it stopped.
That second time happened at least a month or 2 ago and ever since he hasn't showed an interest in coming over. He still treats me like a friend, but acts as if nothing happened at all, which hurts the most. I've sort of given him an open invitation to try and signal that I want something more to happen ("any time you'd like to catch a 5 minute train to work instead of an hour train, you're welcome to stay!") and straight-out invited him several times to stay over, but he always makes an excuse or seems to have plans. Am I wrong, or if he really wanted to stay over again, he'd make plans with me? Or at least not make plans with someone else.
2 nights ago we both had drinks with workmates again and at got to about 2am before we all decided to call it a night. There were maybe 20 of us to start but in the end it was 5, he and I included. The other 3 got a taxi together which left him and I. My place is 5 minutes from where we were, and because he had missed the last train of the night and lives so far away, I thought for sure he was going to come over - so I invited him. He said he had stuff to do the next day and decided to catch a bus home instead.
Then the night after (last night), there was another work drinks gathering which he went to, but I stayed home feeling a bit sick. He told me this morning that he met a guy at the bar last night who asked for his number - he wasn't rubbing it in my face by any means, but it still sort of felt that way. I tried to play it cool and just said "nice work".
I think he's trying to tell me he's not interested without actually saying it. And I don't know how to not feel bad about it.
I don't think it's easy to understand my position unless you're like me. I'm very shy, I don't go out (apart from work drinks) and I have almost no experience with guys. For him to pay so much attention to me, and to come over and give off the impression he likes spending time with me, and now to act like nothing happened and tell me about other guys he's interested in - it really hurts. I don't get a lot of attention from guys so it's a rarity when it happens - especially from someone as attractive as he is, which makes it hurt even more.
I want to ask him straight-out if he wants to keep seeing me sometimes, or if he just wants to stay friends, but I'm worried it would make things awkward. I want to play it cool and pretend nothing happened, but I can't. I thought maybe he wanted to stop because he doesn't want to see someone he works with, but then why would he start it in the first place? Did he just want it to be a one-time thing - did I read too much into it? Was it his way of saying thanks for the job? Did I do something wrong, or not do something in the first place? Was I too reclusive, should I have told him how I felt when this was starting? I have no idea how this sort of thing works.
How to do I deal with this sort of situation?
So there's this guy. We met at the beginning of the year on Grindr, added each other on Facebook, sort of became internet friends. I was instantly attracted to him physically, and the more I got to know him, the better it got - he's smart, funny, nerdy (like me), ticks all the boxes. We met up a few times just to say hey and get to know each other a bit better. And because of a combination of me being so attracted to him and not having much (read: almost zero) experience with guys, I become incredibly (almost embarrassingly) nervous around him.
As far as I could tell, there was a mutual attraction. Sometimes (although not very often) we would flirt on Grindr and stuff like that - one time in particular he was very forward, told me exactly what he wanted to do and said he wanted to do it "asap", which never happened. But anyway, this isn't about that.
Long story short, I helped him get a job at the place I work and now we're workmates. The first couple of weeks he was really nice and attentive towards me - called me cute, that sort of thing - and because I'm shy and don't know what to say back in those situations (at least not at the time), I just sort of laughed it off as a joke. Then after his first 2 weeks a few of us went down to a bar after work to celebrate and congratulate the new employees (he was part of a group of about 10 who were employed). At the bar he had his arm around me quite a bit, bought me a drink, kissed me a bit (!!) and asked me if he could come back to my place. Of course I said yes - I was nervous as all hell but this was something I've wanted ever since I met him, literally months ago.
So he came back to my place and we got into bed - we didn't have sex, we just kissed and groped and I sucked him off a bit. Because of my nerves I couldn't stay hard for very long, and would go soft whenever he tried to do something to me, and I think I could sense that disappointed him a bit. But throughout the night and the next morning I was getting the vibe that he enjoyed coming over and wanted to do it again - I can't remember exactly what he said, all I remember is being so happy that it was going well and that it would happen again.
And it did happen again. A couple of weeks later we both went out for drinks (just us this time) and he ended up coming back to my place - although this time he said something about coming to mine because the trains on his line weren't running that night and he didn't want to catch a bus. I didn't complain though - I was just happy he was coming over again. It wasn't as eventful as the first time but we still kissed and spooned a bit - but again, my nerves got in the way of anything happening down below for me. A remember him saying "your hugs are lovely", and feeling so good about that.
But that's where it stopped.
That second time happened at least a month or 2 ago and ever since he hasn't showed an interest in coming over. He still treats me like a friend, but acts as if nothing happened at all, which hurts the most. I've sort of given him an open invitation to try and signal that I want something more to happen ("any time you'd like to catch a 5 minute train to work instead of an hour train, you're welcome to stay!") and straight-out invited him several times to stay over, but he always makes an excuse or seems to have plans. Am I wrong, or if he really wanted to stay over again, he'd make plans with me? Or at least not make plans with someone else.
2 nights ago we both had drinks with workmates again and at got to about 2am before we all decided to call it a night. There were maybe 20 of us to start but in the end it was 5, he and I included. The other 3 got a taxi together which left him and I. My place is 5 minutes from where we were, and because he had missed the last train of the night and lives so far away, I thought for sure he was going to come over - so I invited him. He said he had stuff to do the next day and decided to catch a bus home instead.
Then the night after (last night), there was another work drinks gathering which he went to, but I stayed home feeling a bit sick. He told me this morning that he met a guy at the bar last night who asked for his number - he wasn't rubbing it in my face by any means, but it still sort of felt that way. I tried to play it cool and just said "nice work".
I think he's trying to tell me he's not interested without actually saying it. And I don't know how to not feel bad about it.
I don't think it's easy to understand my position unless you're like me. I'm very shy, I don't go out (apart from work drinks) and I have almost no experience with guys. For him to pay so much attention to me, and to come over and give off the impression he likes spending time with me, and now to act like nothing happened and tell me about other guys he's interested in - it really hurts. I don't get a lot of attention from guys so it's a rarity when it happens - especially from someone as attractive as he is, which makes it hurt even more.
I want to ask him straight-out if he wants to keep seeing me sometimes, or if he just wants to stay friends, but I'm worried it would make things awkward. I want to play it cool and pretend nothing happened, but I can't. I thought maybe he wanted to stop because he doesn't want to see someone he works with, but then why would he start it in the first place? Did he just want it to be a one-time thing - did I read too much into it? Was it his way of saying thanks for the job? Did I do something wrong, or not do something in the first place? Was I too reclusive, should I have told him how I felt when this was starting? I have no idea how this sort of thing works.
How to do I deal with this sort of situation?
. I dont know in my case if something deeper will ever happen in the future, but at least being friends allows normality to resume! 
