Courage to meet new people

[silversmith1213]

So I've officially started college. So far its absolutely amazing. With college I have been presented a ton of opportunities I didn't have before as far as my sexuality and being "out". I had promised myself I would be out (completely) at college, and yet I'm finding myself holding back.

I've made friends, looked on their facebook and found them to be conservative, religious, and/or straight. While this doesn't mean they won't accept me, I'm terrified of losing them because they are all awesome. I know I need to be myself and if they don't like me for who I am I shouldn't be friends with them, but some people are raised to hate gays and I don't want to hold it against them if that is the case.

Second, my orientation leader was lesbian, so even though I haven't told her I am gay, looking through her "friends" list on facebook has yielded some results, although overall somewhat disappointing. She's a fourth year, so none of her friends are really my age, and most of them have blocked profiles so I can't contact them or even know in the first place whether or not they are gay. So I found one guy, super cute, amazing smile, and I want to message him. He's a fourth year and likes to party (I'm kinda hard-core "my body is my temple" style, but I'm incredibly drawn to him). Maybe its because he's the first guy I've found who's super cute, and gay! I don't know what to write to him. After all, I'm a Freshmen with nothing to offer. I'm just looking to be friends for now, but I don't want to seem creepy or confrontational. I'm really hoping he'll be able to help lead me in a direction to meeting new guys or gay-friendly people.

Third, there's a group of gay guys who have a club on campus, but they meet off campus and I don't have a car. I myself don't live on campus, and the meeting place is too far away to bike. I've tried emailing them and didn't get a response, but now I'm worried whether or not I even want to be a part of that. A lot of the guys seem to treat it as a party group and I'm not into that.

Tonight me and my roommates went to a bonfire, and everyone had someone to hold and keep warm except myself. I'm not asking for pity, but I know its time that I need to experience love that can be returned instead of just falling in love with straight guys and not getting anything but sadness. I want to take advantage of all my new opportunities, but I'm afraid to do so.

Does anyone have any advice? Anything I did wrong or should do?

 

[tydd1985]

I'm a freshman with nothing to offer

Thats where ur wrong. U need to be confident about urself 1st. I have gone abroad to study in foreign language with completely different culture. Things are much more difficult to me. But there are something helped me adapt new life style and built up my self esteem.

1. Buy 1 magazine about life style each week, u gotta know the tiquette and new trend of fashon.

2. Go to gym, have a got body and u have more chances to meet new gay-possibly-guys.

3. Have good friends that u can trust them enough to come out to them. Dont just focus on gay and lesbian ppl when making new friends, straight ppl can be very good friends either. Im studying in a design course, lucky me, its a very gay friendly environment, i think there are more gay guys than straight guys in course, even the lecturers are gay. hehe.

 

[Seasoned]

College is a learning experience for all, a time to challenge everything. I have at times resented the fact that it has sometimes fallen on me to educate my straight friends.

Whatever you choose to do, above all else remain safe and never do what you don't want to do.

With any advice remember to take what you want and leave the rest. No one will have all the answers for you.

I'd start with a confidential chat with the lesbian. I'd also make more efforts to meet with the gay groups.

Try not to be in the closet with new friends as that just perpetuates sececy and fear. You may lose some, but the alternative is keeping a secret out of fear to reveal who you are. That does nothing for self esteem and mental heath.

Good luck. Private me anytime.

 

[silversmith1213]

Ok I'm going to take the incentive and message both the hottie and the leader of the gay club on campus. Any ideas on what I should say? Again, I don't want to sound creepy or desperate, but just want to make friends.

 

[Eagle653]

This is going to sound corny, but I have a lot of respect for you silversmith. You are light years ahead of where I was as a freshman in college. I wish I would have had a tenth of the wherewithall that you do.

Anyway, good luck on your searches. I really don't have any advice other than to keep on doing what you're doing. You sound intelligent and resourceful.

Keep in touch with us through your thread to let us know how you're doing and what luck you're having!

 

[silversmith1213]

You are light years ahead of where I was as a freshman in college. I wish I would have had a tenth of the wherewithall that you do.

Aw, thank you average guy, although truthfully I feel like a blundering idiot haha. Every time I try to pull my shit together I make exceptions and change rules I've set for myself (for example, being out to all of my new friends).

It's proven to be incredibly difficult to talk to my orientation leader short of just calling her, but I think I've decided to skip that step and go on to the next.

I'm typing the message to the club leader as I type this, so hopefully I'll update this thread with a response tomorrow.

In other news tomorrow is my first class! One more hurdle to leap, but it should be ok.

 

[silversmith1213]

OK, so no response as of yet, but I'm sure I'll get something in the next few days and I'm just over excited.

I'm still working on the other message to the really cute guy, but can't get past the first line. I don't even know how to introduce myself. I know I need to stay calm, but my heart is a little a flutter and finding the first gay guy I've had a crush on! However, I do need to control myself and not "settle" if he isn't relationship material. He seems to be quite the party-guy, which I am not, but I will try to look past it until I know the extent. Anyone else have ideas on the message?

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Silver,

Mate... dont be so hard on yourself... some of the steps you've taken here are huge and even though you might not have ticked every box on the check list you set yourself, you've made some huge strides! Its pretty hard to break the shackles of a lifetimes habits... just give yourself some time... and some credit!

As to your message mate, the old KISS principle holds true here... keep it simple stupid.

You simply want to say hi, let the guy know who you are and a little about you. You cant force someone to like you and being too in your face will just him away. So be subtle and even a little stand offish...

Something like...

"Hey there billybob,

You probably dont know me, but my name is Silver and I'm a freshman here at ....college. I've just started and right now feel a little bit like a fish out of water, and while I was cruising around on Facebook a few nights ago I found your page.

I hope you dont mind but thats the reason for the message. I know your a 4th year here and I was wondering if you would mind if I asked you a question or 2?

I was hoping you might have some advice as to the places a gay guy might go to meet friends and new people? Are there any groups here worth joining? Did you have any trouble when you first started here?

Anyways billybob, any pointers you could give me would be a great help!

Cheers!

Silver"


The quickest way to get someone on side mate (if they have any sort of human spirit) is to ask for their help and make them feel needed. Not only will you see the sort of guy he is from his response it gives him an opportunity to offer his wisdom and experience... another great way to let him feel comfortable.

Either way mate, just send him something... nothing ventured, nothing gained. And if you dont ever try you just might risk meeting someone who just might add something to your life... Can you afford not to message him??

 

[silversmith1213]

Thank you very much tallguy. All of your guys' advice means a lot to me.

I sent him a message and will be awaiting a response, but I promise not to hook my happiness to a letter from a guy I don't know yet. It's hard, but I know I have to treat it that way.

I'll let you know when/if i hear from him.