Coworker Relationships

[dhchitown1984]

OK. I know I'm not taking the advice I've given to others here. I've never been a fan of dipping your pen in the company ink. But I've got a date on Friday with my manager. (I'm management as well, but he's the manager I report to)

We've been swapping back fun comments/innuendos for about two weeks now, and we went to lunch together the other day (not in a "date" way, just, we both took our lunches together) and we both acknowledged that we appreciate that we can have those comments in private, but when other people are around we're strictly professional. We also are both very aware that it needs to stay that way.

Anyways, he asked me out for dinner/drinks on Friday. I've got no problem keeping it quiet and not blabbing to the office, and I know he won't have a problem with that either.

I know this can go a few ways:
A) Things go well, we go on another date, we end up dating.
B) Things don't go well, we still have to work together.
C) It turns into a FWB situation.

I understand all the outcomes, and I'm prepared for any of them.But does anyone have constructive advice based on experience?

 

[Halifaxboy8]

Yeah. don't do it.

Once you turn your professional relationship into an intimate one it just muddies the waters for so many things. Not only that, but he's your boss. It just smells like a recipe for disaster on so many levels.

Thing is, you know this already. I think what you are trying to do here in this forum is alleviate whatever uncomfortable feeling you are experiencing by having people say, "Yeah, go for it! That'd be hot!". If you hear enough pro messages its like you were given permission so you can proceed without too much angst.

It doesn't matter who replies in this thread, bud, or what stories they have to share. Its your life, you are an adult, and whatever decision you make is your own and you will have to live with it.

 

[KaraBulut]

It's risky. But you know that.

It can happen that two people who work together can be attracted to each other. It happens less often that two people who are manager-employee are attracted to each other. It happens even less often that two people who are manager-employee are attracted to each other and get involved with each other without damaging their professional relationship.

But you know that too.


If this goes beyond a meal and drinks, then he should not be your manager.

 

[Seasoned]

I'm wishing you well and hope there are no negative consequences. I wouldn't recommend it. I don't think you listed all the alternatives. You could end up needing to work elsewhere. I hope you have a positive outcome, but do tread carefully.

 

[Audio Tech]

It's your life, but know that this very rarely ends well.

I left a very good job because of this. And he was only a co-worker. Maybe it was for the best, I don't really know.... but if I had to to it again I wouldn't. BTW, HE is still working there.

But you are an adult, entitled to your own decisions.

 

[anchihiro]

You already know it could go either way. But you're taking the risk, let us know how your date goes.

 

[Rand]

Do you know the HR policies of your work place about supervisors dating direct reports? You both lose your jobs. That would hold true if you were of opposite sex. Rules are made to be followed and management ought to be examples of respecting and following rules.

So if you two want to explore a relationship, get in different areas and different lines of reporting.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Don't shit where you eat.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Thanks for the feedback. Yes, I am taking a risk, and I'm aware that the professional consequences could be none or I could be asked to leave the company.

As far as my company's HR policy, it only states "Employees in a close personal relationship should refrain from public workplace displays of affection or excessive personal conversation." It goes on to say "Although [company] has no prohibition against employing relatives....we are committed to monitoring situations in which such relationships exist in the same area." They define relatiosnhips as persons related by blood or marriage, or whose relationship with the employee is similar.

My manager is the Company's General Manager (we're a small business) and he reports directly to the President. The President is my actual boss, this GM that I'm going on the date with oversees my day-to-day operations but isn't responsible for my performance reviews, salary, etc. (Not that I'm trying to have an about-face "but its different" scenario, he's still involved in my work day). We feel that should it go anywhere, we'll take the responsible route of notifying the President right away, and while we currently share an office, we would request to have one of us switch offices with another manager.

But we're not that yet. Again, thanks for the feedback.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Over the years I've found that these things happen, and they usually are managed just fine. Occasionally, when/if the relationship sours then I've had to step in and split employees up, change their roles, etc... Off the top of my head I know it has led to 3 marriages, 2 others are still dating amicably, 4 or 5 successfully managed break-ups where their work wasn't affected, and only 2 instances where it was an issue.

Be careful, but don't worry too much about it. Just make sure you both are ready for any fallout or charges of favoritism.

 

[terry61_99]

I know I go against what most people will advise you, but I say life is short...go for it!!! You know the risks, but some things are worth the risk!! Who knows, maybe he is the one!! I listened to advice I got here about a year ago and every day I wonder what would have happened if I would have had the balls to follow my heart, don't let that happen to you!! I wish you all the best and hope it all works out for you!!

 

[jmadaf]

As long as one of you does not have power over the other in work. Level work status it's worked out fine for me. To each his own.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Thanks everyone for your continued feedback. The date itself went well. Dinner, casual drinks, we did a bit of making out, but we ended it at that, both agreeing that things need to go very slowly given the delicacy of the situation.

We both are required to work one weekend a month, and it just so happend that we both had worked yesterday. We remained professional the whole time, and we only brought up the date one time, at the end of the day when I was leaving. We even had an incident where we had to handle a situation with an employee together with a co-management approach and we handled it no differently than we have in the past.

I realize it was only one shift following the date itself, but I was relieved to know that we handled things well at work right off the bat. I'll be cautious to see if things change moving forward, seeing that we do plan on going out again some time soon.

Thanks again.

 

[flechaverde]

I've done it. In fact I was dating one of my employees for two years. We worked well together and never let things from home affect how we handled work.

Now that being said, if I could offer you any advice, its to be very careful.

When we did begin to have problems in our relationship, I wasn't sure of my options because I didn't want to create issues. It puts an unnecessary stress into your life because it does indeed complicate matters in the two most pivotal parts of your daily life. In my case, issues didn't carry over, but they very well could have easily. I've seen it done several times over.

My advice would be to keep it casual at the maximum.