Crush on a friend who gets too physical

[3x3is9]

I’m going crazy and I need to get this off my chest. It’s long, but I’ll do a short version at the end for the people who don’t want to read.

Jason is a good friend of mine, and so is his girlfriend Michelle. We all hang out together with a group of friends (all around the age 18-20) who all work at the same restaurant. I’ve been hanging out with them for about 8 months now. When I had started working there, I’d immediately had the hots for this guy, and pegged him as a potential lover of men. He was single at that time. When I got to know him, I found out he was straight. That doesn't stop me from having a crush on him, but I never seriously pan after a straight guy and the crush usually passes. A month or so later he got back together with Michelle. They had dated in high school for a bit. They had broken up for some reason or another, but kept hanging out, and then they got back together again. Now more than ever Jason was off limits cuz he was dating a friend.

It’s no secret to anyone we know that I have a crush on this guy, he knows too. I’m a big flirt. I flirt with everyone, jokingly of course. My friends and I joke about my little crush, it’s all good fun, even though it really isn’t that funny when everyone isn’t around and I’m hurting about it, but anyway. Jason is a huge flirt too, and he flirts with me a lot. I never know if he’s kidding or not, but I tell myself he's not serious in order to preserve my sanity. He is bi or perhaps bicurious and he’s told very few people this, myself being one of them. Sometimes when he gets intoxicated, he starts to get a little physical (which eventually led to him sleeping with another girl). He does it to me too, and of course I stop him cuz I know he’s not serious, or at least I tell myself that. There’s always tension between us when we’re alone, unless we’re both intoxicated. I’m not sure about his side, but I feel awkward around him because I don’t know what he thinks of me, but I’m not sure what he’s thinking. It goes away after we get drunk. We’ve only hung around a few times alone, and we’re always intoxicated, and it’s never gotten physical when we’re alone. One time camping when we all got drunk, he caught me off guard and started making out with me, with Michelle between us, until I stopped it, which made all the girls laugh. I broke down and cried to my best friend Tracy later that night and got her to talk to Jason for me. That's the farthest it's ever got (unless you count sleeping naked beside each other - but I don't)

Back in August, Jason slept with another girl Rachel (one of Michelle’s best friends). He told our friend Tracy, and I figured it out from her. It was a secret and Jason wasn’t going to tell Michelle. A month later Rachel is pregnant. Now everyone knows except Michelle, and Jason is going to have to tell her the next day. That night, he of course got stupidly drunk. He made out with Tracy and then someone saw and she stopped. Later on that night he was almost comatose-drunk, and I was sitting next to him, and he kept trying to get really close and tried taking off my clothes, saying, “You can’t stop it” and I just kept pushing him away until he passed out. The next day he and Michelle broke up after she found out about the sex with Rachel (she already knew from Rachel about the pregnancy). Jason was torn up obviously. We all were.

Jason and I got really close after this cuz I was trying to help him through the breakup (I was the guy and took Jason’s side and Tracy was the girl and took Michelle’s side). We would text for hours, and I was trying to get him to open up about his feelings, which he did. We would sleep (just sleep) together so he could get to sleep. We had a night where we both just got drunk and we talked for hours, until I went to work the next morning. He said he trusted me more than anyone other than Michelle and his friend Ryan. I confided some stuff to him too. About a week or so after they had broken up, I told him that he had to let me know whether his flirting was serious or not, and he avoided the question. Whenever I would press it, he said he didn’t know. I gave him a couple days, and finally I cornered him and told him I needed an answer. All I wanted was for him to tell me no, but he wouldn’t do it and I was so frustrated. I mean, if he was just joking, then he would tell me right? So the fact that he wasn’t saying no meant that he wasn’t just joking. I finally forced him to tell me no. Tell me his flirting wasn’t serious. And I told him that he couldn’t be physical with me unless he were serious, because it wasn’t fair to me. We agreed (more so I told him) that we couldn’t play games anymore, no more flirting, no more play-wrestling, etc. It worked fine for awhile, and I got a little better. That was mid-November.

During this time Michelle started seeing other people, and it kinda messed with our little group. It was rough for awhile, but slowly got better and Jason and Michelle would hang out together again. They hang out a lot and are pretty much together, but Michelle won’t commit to him anymore. So they’re essentially back together, without being back together. Jason loves Michelle, Michelle loves Jason. They have too many problems and they’re never gonna work it out. Everyone knows, even them, but Jason won’t move on. Michelle has him pretty much wrapped around her finger, and everyone knows this. Oh, and Rachel got an abortion. It was never clear who the father was, and now no one will ever know. Moving on.

Monday night, Jason, Michelle and I got drunk at his house and Michelle passed out. Jason and I stayed up playing videogames until his mom came down and freaked out and told him to pack up his shit and get out of the house by the time she’s off work. We turned everything off and went to bed, and he was obviously stressed out. He went to snuggle against Michelle but she was passed out. He started playing footsy with me and rubbing his legs against me and it was just… I had to stop myself and turn away from him and try to sleep. Later when he was sleeping or whatever, he wrapped his arm around me like he does to Michelle. I didn’t stop it because I liked it. We slept like that the whole morning until we all woke up. I don’t know if Michelle saw, or if she would care if she did (she has never really seemed to view me as a threat I guess). When I confronted Jason about it the next day, he said he was drunk and didn’t remember, as is usually the case (I'm not sure if I believe him). I told him that I had really wanted to keep going but I knew that it would screw things up with Michelle and that he didn’t want that. He said Rachel hadn’t cared and had kept going anyway. I told him that I’m not like Rachel, but he can’t keep getting physical with me unless he’s going to let me keep going. That every time I stop him, that I regret not going further, and the regret is killing me. I told him to stop giving me chances to regret. He seemed fine with it. The thing is, he still hasn’t outright told me what his feelings towards me are or what his intentions are. Tracy keeps telling me that Jason has no feelings for me and would never do anything with me, and I want her to be right, but I don’t think she is, and I secretly want to just have sex with him to prove Tracy wrong, but I’m thankfully not that childish.

The MOST fucked up thing of all of this: lately I’ve been spending a lot of time with Jason and Michelle, since Tracy and I have drifted apart. I generally spend the night at one of their houses, sleeping beside them on the bed. I’ve been getting really close to Michelle too. We really connect, and have so much in common. There’s this joke between us about us having a threesome with another guy one day. And then one night I had a dream about having sex with her. I have _never_ had any sort of sexual thought towards a girl before, so it’s been really confusing. I’m just a big ball of confused, if you can’t tell.



SHORT VERSION:
I have a crush on my friend Jason, who is dating another friend Michelle. They broke up when Jason slept with another girl. They are sort of seeing each other again.

Jason claims to be bi (he’s told very few people), and has been known to get physical with people, including myself, when he's drunk. I stop him out of respect for his and Michelle’s relationship, or rather his hope of making it work between them, but I really want to keep going. I told Jason to stop getting physical with me unless he is willing to let me keep going.



I hate the situation and I’m not really sure what to do. Oh, I could just stop hanging out with him and get him out of my mind, and stop hanging out with all the friends I have now. That might work, but I really don’t want to do that. I could also go find myself a guy, and then I might not care about Jason anymore, but I don’t really know how to do that. I don’t tend to meet very many gay guys, and the ones I meet just aren’t for me. When I try to meet people, either by going to the clubs or meeting friends of friends, guys just get all clingy and I get turned off the whole thing. I just want to be friends with Jason and not be attracted to him anymore. I don’t even want him and me to be together, not really, not now. It’s just… it’s been a whole year and I’m thinking that this crush (if it can be called that) is just not going to go away. I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting this, since I’ve read all the other threads, and I know what people say, but I just want to tell someone who isn’t involved in this mess, and I don’t really know anyone else to tell.

 

[Adan0316CumOnMe]

Wow that is a big bundle of confusion

First off your an awesome friend for putting other people's feeling before your own. Being able to resist the urge to do something with a guy your attracted to takes a lot.

Second you say you don't wanna stop hanging out with Jason but you wanna be just friends. Well maybe you can still hang out with him but just tone it down a little bit. Stop staying the night over at his house and avoid getting drunk with him when your alone (since he tends to get physical).

Third I have no idea what to do on the Michelle dream part I'll leave that one for some of the smarter guys on this forum.

I hope all goes well and that you find the answers your looking for.

-Adan

 

[Laststraw21]

What happened to you and Tracy? If you don't mind answering.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

You need to get some new friends. I'm not saying dump the old ones, just find a new person you can hang out with who's not going to mess with your head.

Jason sounds like one of those straight guys who enjoys being the object of a gay guy's crush. It flatters his ego, and maybe he's just a little bit curious about what sex with you would be like -- but not curious enough to actually go all the way.

I can't see that your relationship with him is ever going to go anywhere except where it is right now. If you like things the way they are, fine. Except it sounds like you don't very much.

Getting a crush on a straight friend is very common for gay guys your age. (You wouldn't believe how many threads we've had about it just in this forum!). It may serve a useful purpose in giving you somebody to fantasize about, without having to go through the complications of a real relationship. But on the other hand it can lead to a lot of grief for you. Only you can decide whether it's a net plus or minus in your life.

 

[3x3is9]

Adan0316CumOnMe, staying at his house or Michelle's, and him at mine, is because I live outside the city and it's a pain to go home. It's when we're alone that everything is fine, but when we're with people Jason seems to act up. I don't get it.

Laststraw21, Tracy and I got really close, and I think we/I tried to force a gf/bf relationship and it didn't work. We've been going downhill since Jason/Michelle broke up. I think it was a big part of why we grew so far apart. Also, She had to get a job at another restaurant, so I don't see her, nor is she in our work circle anymore. We just have too many unsolved issues and haven't been able to fix them, so they keep coming up. It was best for both of us to slow it down, and it just sorta stopped.

SonOfSlobone, I've had crushes on straight guys before, and I've found it pretty simple to get over since there were no feelings returned. I wish Jason were just another straight guy, but I see something in Jason, which makes it hard to let go. He's the one that instigates the physicalness. If I didn't think there were a chance with him, I'd let it go. I've tried to convince myself otherwise, but I still feel something from him. I may be mistaking friendship, but I'm pretty sure guy friends don't try to strip their other guy friends, or cuddle with them in bed, or tell you that you're like the guy version of their girlfriend, or are hesitant to tell you how they feel about you. As for whether I'd be better off without him, I'm not sure. I decided to try to make new friends, and I ended up getting closer to Michelle, and through her, to Jason. Sort of counter-productive.

 

[KaraBulut]

^^^^ What he said.

 

[FabFairy]

If Jason said he is bi/curious and interested then I would say he is but doesn't know how to act on it and would like to get involve even if only once. Sound like he just wants to whore around until he settles down. If you did decide to get involved with Jason it would be a once only to try or secret meetings when he thinks no one is watching for quick relief. And when he has finished it would be back to the girlfriend until he slips off the wagon again. Nothing will ever come of it and it will continue until you put a stop to it. Starting something with Jason would be a huge mistake.

Start to spread yourself around and make new friends so you do not rely on Jason as much. Don't hang around with Jason alone make it so others are included where possible. when Jason and Michelle do broke I don't think I would want to be around because of all the extra baggage it will be very depressing for everyone. Dreams can often mean something totally different from what you see so I wouldn't be to concerned about it.

You need to find a man who is going to look after and care for you much rather than chase a guy who can't make up his mind.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

SonOfSlobone, I've had crushes on straight guys before, and I've found it pretty simple to get over since there were no feelings returned. I wish Jason were just another straight guy, but I see something in Jason, which makes it hard to let go. He's the one that instigates the physicalness. If I didn't think there were a chance with him, I'd let it go. I've tried to convince myself otherwise, but I still feel something from him. I may be mistaking friendship, but I'm pretty sure guy friends don't try to strip their other guy friends, or cuddle with them in bed, or tell you that you're like the guy version of their girlfriend, or are hesitant to tell you how they feel about you. As for whether I'd be better off without him, I'm not sure. I decided to try to make new friends, and I ended up getting closer to Michelle, and through her, to Jason. Sort of counter-productive.

He instigates because he's the one who enjoys fucking with your head. You think something may happen, but it hasn't so far, right?

I hate to be blunt, but frankly I think you're only hearing what you want to hear. Why else would you use the fact that he's hesitant to tell you how he feels about you as evidence that he reciprocates your attraction?

It seems highly unlikely to me that you could ever have a relationship with him. Even if you did manage to have sex with him one time, would it really be worth all this agony? After it's over, he'd be done with you, and you'd still have the crush.

As for making new friends, I won't harp on it. I'm pretty sure that the situation will clear itself up before too long. One of you will move away, or you'll meet an actual gay friend, and everything will change.

 

[3x3is9]

So last time I posted was a Sunday night. It’s been a long week and a half since then, so a long story to type. Short version at the bottom.

Not sure if I mentioned this last time, but mine and Tracy’s friendship is on the rocks, and we were sort of fighting, but not really… that was then. By the way, Jason and I both work full time at the same restaurant, Michelle works part time at our restaurant and part time at a night club, and Tracy works full time at another restaurant. Jason, Michelle and Tracy live within blocks of each other, and I live about 15 minutes out of the city.

Anyway, since Jason, Michelle and I had last Friday off, we had planned to hang out and get really drunk the night before. Michelle worked from 8PM until about 4AM Thursday night so she would join us after work. I worked Thursday night until about 10PM, but Jason didn’t work at all. Tracy had Thursday night off too. After Michelle went to work at 7PM, Jason went to hang out with Tracy until I got off at 10PM. They went to dinner with her friends from work, and it went really late so I was stuck waiting for Jason. Eventually at about 11PM they were done but Tracy had guilted Jason into going back to her house and watching a movie, cuz Tracy doesn’t like being alone (I used to be the one she guilted, but I stopped). She worked Friday morning at 8AM so she wasn’t going to be staying up late. She normally passes out around 12-1AM anyway, so we were just waiting for Tracy to pass out so Jason and I could go back to his house and party. Well at about 12:30AM it seems Tracy isn’t passing out soon, so I ask her if I can come chill at her house for a bit, and she reluctantly agrees. I get there and we watch a movie, Jason is drinking of course, and he wants me to start as well, but I hold off because I don’t want to disrespect Tracy. Jason is persistent though, so I end up having a few drinks.

Eventually around 2AM, Tracy starts to pass out, so she tells us it’s time to leave so she can sleep. We leave, but Jason left his phone at her house so 10 minutes later we go back. Tracy completely freaks out at us, or rather just at me for some crazy reason. Anyway, we get back to Jason’s about 2:30AM and get drunk. I forget how it started, but we begin to wrestle (we do this a lot cuz he’s shorter and stronger than me but I’m bigger and more flexible than him, and we argue over who can win). He ends up pinning me every time, but never winning, cuz I just don’t give up. Things get pretty heated up, both of us being randy and drunk, and clothes end up coming off. I had decided at this point that I wasn’t going to hold back anymore, and to go for it. Well, we get down to boxers and Jason stops. He says that Michelle told him that they were gonna get back together now. He says this is happening just like it did with Rachel and that he can’t do it this time. It’s at this point that Michelle walks in – about 3:15AM – she got off work early. She finds us in Jason’s room, in out boxers, huffing and puffing from wrestling. I turn away from them and go sit on the other side of the room disappointed and slightly embarrassed. Michelle takes it in, I’m sure she’s wondering what’s up, but it’s a pretty common thing for Jason and I to be in our boxers and wrestling, normally Michelle is there with us.

Michelle is tired from work, and doesn’t want to drink, so we all climb in to bed. I’m still randy and drunk of course, and frustrated now. I snuggle up to Michelle and bring up the joke about our threesome, and start to get physical with her. Jason lies patiently beside her as I do this. He’s curious, I think, of what will happen. Michelle tries to play it off, but I keep insisting. She doesn’t seem to know what to do with this attention from me, seemingly out of the blue. It’s at this point, I think, Michelle and Jason both realize that I’m not joking anymore, and Jason tries to get me to back off since Michelle doesn’t seem to be able to. I start getting defensive myself. I ask Michelle: Isn’t this what she wants? She’s been seeing other guys, sleeping with other guys, why is it different all of a sudden? Why am I the one that gets left out? Then I turn around and ask her: if she is not being monogamous with Jason, then is Jason not allowed to be with other people? Because he hasn’t been this whole time – he knows she wouldn’t let him. Jason keeps trying to get in a few words but I stop him – I am talking to Michelle. I tell her she has to pick one or the other. She has to either commit to Jason or let him be with other people, because it’s not fair to him, and it’s not fair to me. She says she is committed to Jason now, but I keep hounding her. Finally I give up and roll over to the other side of the bed, satisfied that I got Michelle to make a decision, since no one else was going to. Now I’m hurting, of course, having just been rejected by two people simultaneously. I decide that I should go home. I gather my stuff and Michelle and Jason try to get me to stay, but I leave and call a cab outside. I sit on a bench and let my feelings out, waiting for the cab. After a while, I’m freezing. It’s 5:30AM and I’m not sure when I left Jason’s house, but the cab isn’t coming, and I’m going to freeze outside, so I go back, and pass out next to them on his bed without saying a word; I was too cold.

Friday comes and I get asked to work the night, so when we wake up, I get dropped off at work. Everything seems to be fine. After work, Michelle is having a bunch of people over at her house to play drinking games since she magically has the night off. Everyone we know gets invited. Tracy makes a big deal that I’m going. We try to convince her to come, but she ends up saying that she doesn’t want to see me ever again, and basically gives out the ultimatum that our friends have to choose between me and her. Michelle, Jason and I tell her that she’s being completely unreasonable, but there’s not much we can do. So the party gets going. A little over 20 people are there and we all play Sociables and everyone gets drunk, and maybe I get drunk a little faster than I’d like. We start to play hide and seek, so I decide to go sit alone in the dark for awhile. When the game ends, Michelle comes and tries to get me to come back to the group. I tell her I just want to be alone for a bit, and I go in her basement and hide from her. Apparently everyone has freaked out and is now looking for me, even searching down the block for me (I like to just get up and leave when I’m drunk, as you might have noticed).

Michelle does find me, and pressures me in to telling her what’s wrong. I explain to her that I don’t want her to know certain things about myself, and about Jason – that I don’t want to change her view of either of us. But I end up telling her exactly how I feel about Jason, and why I think there are feelings from him as well. And I tell her about my confused feelings towards her. I tell her how jealous I am that Jason and her have each other, and I wish I could have both of them too, and how I hate that I can’t find anyone for myself. This is where she reassures me. She tells me that there is some girl out there for me. Wait a minute – girl?! Honey, I think you mean boy. No, that’s not what she meant, she seems to think that I’ll find some girl and it’ll all be okay. Okay, it’s at this point that I completely sober myself up, and we go upstairs. It’s about 2:30AM but everyone seems to have left. I guess I killed the party? Jason, Michelle, her brother, and I are the only ones left. Her brother goes upstairs to bed, I sit on the couch, and Jason tries to get Michelle to go upstairs to bed with him. She doesn’t. Jason gets all jealous that she’s been with me the whole night and won’t go to bed with him, so I get up and go upstairs to her room and plomp on her bed. They follow shortly and we all are in her bed. Once they settle in, I get up to go back down to the couch, and Michelle protests but I tell her to just go to sleep and let me go.

Saturday is here, Michelle comes downstairs for breakfast, and we chat a little. Everything seems to be okay. I go home. Jason and I work that night until 11PM. Michelle is working from 8PM until 4AM. Every Saturday, Michelle and I go to an afterhours club when she’s off work, and sometimes Jason or Tracy join us. Anyway, after work there is a whole bunch of people getting together at Ashley’s house. Jason was going to go home since he works at 10AM the next morning, but I convinced him to come. We all head over there, play sociables, I stay relatively sober. The party gets crazy cuz everyone is way too drunk, even though a bunch of them work in the morning. When Michelle gets off work at 4AM and comes to pick me up, Jason leaves with us, and a bunch of people leave as well. Michelle is tired so we’re not going out. She drops me off at home all way out of town, drops Jason off at home, and then goes home to bed.

Sunday morning arrives, 10:15AM I get a phone call from our boss: Jason isn’t at work. Am I with him? Do I know where he is? I call Jason, I call Michelle, I consider calling Jason’s brother to wake him up, but I think better. People call in sick a lot, no big deal. I have Sundays off so I stay at home. Jason calls back at 2PM, whoops, he set his alarm for PM instead of AM. I tell him our boss is prolly pissed off by now, since it’s after the rush, and that he might want to wait until he’s not so pissed to talk to him.

Monday comes. Monday night is our staff party, yay! Jason works at 9:30AM, me at 11AM. 9:45AM text from Jason: “so got fired” I’m furious of course. How could he have gotten fired for this?! Get in to work, Jason has even been removed from the schedule sheet already. I’m pissed. Our boss and I avoid each other, as I plan in my head what I’m going to say to him. I finally confront him about the firing, and he tells me that he hasn’t even spoken to Jason yet. Jason saw he wasn’t on the schedule and assumed he was fired and left. I didn’t know this, so I text Jason: Idiot, what if it was just a suspension. I tell him he should call the boss and see what’s up. He does, bad idea cuz the boss is in a bad mood. He gets fired. Great. My shift comes to an end at 5PM and everyone is secretly gossiping about Jason being fired, and everyone is actively excited about our party. I ask our boss if Jason can still come to the party, since guests are allowed. He says no. What?! Okay so I’m really pissed. I don’t feel like going to this party because I know I’ll do something stupid and perhaps get myself fired. I see what Jason’s up to that night. He’s just staying at home. He doesn’t really answer my texts, so I just go home. A little depressed about all the recent drama. Later at 8PM, Jason’s probably drunk already, he texts me to come to his house and party with him. I’m at home, out of the city, and I didn’t have a ride back for a little bit. He’ll text me later and maybe I’ll have a ride. I take a nap, and no text wakes up me so I sleep all night.

Tuesday morning comes. Work is lonely without Jason. I avoid conversation about the staff party, which is only depressing since I wasn’t there. Eventually I find out everyone went to Jason’s house after the party. They all had such a great time. The cherry that tops the cake: Tracy (who doesn’t work with us anymore) went to Jason’s as well. Now I know why I didn’t get a text, so I’m a little hurt. I finish my shift, and see what Jason and Michelle are up to. No response from Michelle. Jason says he’s too hungover and is staying in. I go home. Facebook says Tracy is going to the bar – the one we normally go to on Tuesday nights. I go to sleep.

This morning, Wednesday, I find out they all went out to the bar last night. Also, Tracy got Jason a job at her restaurant yesterday. He starts right away. No one even told me. Tonight Tracy is having everyone over at her house. So obviously I’m at home.

Tomorrow, Thursday, I work until 10PM, Tracy and Jason have the day off, Michelle works 8PM to 4AM. Pretty sure Tracy will be doing something with Jason, so home again for me.

Friday, Jason and Tracy both work until 11PM, I work until 11PM, Michelle works 8PM until 4AM. Somehow I’m thinking Tracy will be with Jason. Home again for me.

Saturday, Valentines Day, busiest day of the year at restaurants, Jason and Tracy work, Michelle works til 10PM with me and I work until 12AM. Jason and Michelle will most likely spend V-day together. Home again for me.

Sunday, Tracy, Jason, Michelle and I have tickets to a concert. Thing is: I’m the one who picked up, paid for, and has the tickets. Tracy wants me to hand her ticket over because she is apparently now going with other people instead. She is always with the drama, always has been. I feel like being a childish snob and just selling Tracy’s ticket to someone else. But I don’t play childish games like that, even though Tracy has no problem playing them. I’m also not the type of person to guilt people in to spending time with me, and she is so good at it. Normally we all just give in to Tracy so we don’t have to deal with it.



SHORT VERSION

Tracy has decided that we are no longer friends, and that our mutual friends have to choose between the two of us. I got drunk and tried to fool around with both Jason and Michelle, and got rejected because they are back in a relationship. The next night I confessed all my crazy feelings to Michelle. A couple days later, Jason gets fired and is now working with Tracy. The past couple days, my friends have been spending time with Tracy, while I of course get left out. I’m scared I’m going to lose my friends completely.



I’m not even sure what’s the point of typing all this, but I just wanted to get in down in words somewhere. In just a week, my life has completely changed. Maybe karma bit me in the butt for doubting SonOfSlobone’s comment “that the situation will clear itself up before too long. One of you will move away, or you'll meet an actual gay friend, and everything will change.” Well, Jason did “move away” and it’s becoming quite clear that I may not be seeing my friends anymore. It has happened so fast it’s like I have emotional whiplash. The worst part is that I feel like if I do try to continue my friendships, that Tracy will just make such a big deal, and everyone is just so tired of the fighting, and now that Jason and Tracy work full-time together, I don’t know if I should even bother. It would cause everyone trouble, and maybe this is what I need to force me to make some new friends. Any advice would be welcome, but I really just have no one left to talk to, and I felt like sharing the story for anyone who cared to read it.

 

[G-Lexington]

I don't see a lot to salvage here. Go find yourself some new friends.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

^^^^

And do some thinking about the connection between all of this drama and alcohol...

 

[stripes]

tracy was probably pissed at you cause she wanted to bang jason that night and you cock-blocked her.

sounds to me like if you do end up hooking up with jason, you'll still have to share him. find some other friends man you'll never be happy with these people

 

[Blueboy369]

If you haven't given Tracy the ticket yet, Don't! You do not owe this bitch a thing. She has no problem dissing you! If you have given her the ticket, find another way to give her a taste of her own medicine.

 

[PabloZed]

Big ole mess.

But I must say I know all I need to know about a guy when he may have gotten a girl pregnant and she has an abortion. I am actually pro-choice, but its a moral tragedy that abortion is used as birth control for stupid people.

 

[biguy732]

I will keep this SHORT - first, even for a website with gay/bi men on it - this is a little too much drama. Secondly - there is a common thread in this whole thing - BOOZE and too much of it. And third, this seems like such a fuckn' train wreck, unless these are truly really close, dear, and long time friends - find new friends. This looks like a drama that will not end anytime soon and will take down everyone who is attached to it! Best of luck.

 

[spencer]

^^^^

And do some thinking about the connection between all of this drama and alcohol...

while alcohol doesn't help any of these situations, you gotta look a little further, no offence but this drama is highly conducive to the whole server lifestyle. granted not every server group is like this but it's so easy to fall into. people who work till the wee hours and party afterwards and don't have to wake up the next morning because they don't have the lunch shift make for a different kind of person. also the ability to get off work, work crazy hours or pick up hours gives you more freedom. finally there's something really weird about beer money when you get cash in hand from tips. it's almost like you are guaranteed to spend it.

lemme say this, on soo many threads on here I read this and see a little of myself or my reaction or my own situation (with a straight friend).

here's what is blaringly disturbing (it's something I would do and probably not like myself for it later).

"I snuggle up to Michelle and bring up the joke about our threesome, and start to get physical with her." You know, you KNOW, you did this for one reason and one reason only: for the possibility to be with Jason in some sort of sexual act, even if it is with Michelle. You hide your feelings from Jason and he's clueless that you want Jason so much physically that you are willing to add on Michelle to do so. And when she turned it down, you totally pulled the drama card by blaming her (and really them) for turning you down because you didn't get what you wanted.

I know it sounds bad as I point it out, but that is EXACTLY what I can see myself doing.

What's weird is that they're not totally offended by your ultimatum when they should. They are enablers for you drama, they put up with it pretty good and from your detailed stories, I can't figure out why (probably your long friend history). Jason is as clueless as ever as he's jealous your talking to Michelle? What's he thinking. But you can use it to your advantage because the more Jason is jealous the more you feel Jason still wants you and that feeling is all worth the pain, right?

Ah drama, keep us posted!

 

[Caaake]

Your situation reminds me a little of the gay themed movie "threesome" on logo. mm. I recommend you to watch it!

And i'd say he is serious when he flirts with you it seems by him not giving you a clear answer about whether or not he's serious. He likes flirting with you, and seems attracted to you then, but seems there is something he feels he is threatened by if he does do more with you. I say, why take sex so seriously, fuck it, have some fun! i'd say if you stick with him for longer, it'll eventually happen.. but i dont know how long your willing to wait.

 

[texan_slant]

Holy smokes!

1. Tracy is not a true friend

2. I really hate to say this, but is appears that you tried to use Michelle to get to Jason

3. Though not physically intimate, you're in a threesome already with Michelle and Jason

4. Though Michelle and Jason aren't "officially" a couple still, they *are*

5. It sounds like all the friends went to where the booze was, and since Jason and Tracy work at the same place, a *bar* that is where your "friends" went

5. Too much booze, and wondering if the rest of the bunch are really your true friends

 

[3x3is9]

So it has been a week since my last post, and not too much has changed. A little drama, and some stories that aren’t really relevant, but I’ll tell them anyway. If you don’t want a novel, just skip to the end.

Saturday night, Valentine’s Day, is a tremendously busy night at work. After Michelle’s done, she leaves to see Jason for a romantic night they had all planned out. A little bit later, she texts me saying Jason got drunk and was passed out on his friend Ryan’s couch. How romantic. So instead, Michelle and I go to the bar with some coworkers. We end up back at Michelle’s house. Jason comes over, which I was hoping wouldn’t happen. Apparently he is forgiven? Michelle hadn’t gotten drunk, so the night ends early. It was pretty awkward sleeping next to them, and I was tempted to get up and go sleep on the couch, but I thought that would have been more awkward so I just suffered through the night.

Sunday morning was a whole mess of drama. The night before, Tracy had given Michelle some money for a concert ticket, and Michelle was supposed to give me the money, and drop off the ticket to Tracy, but I thought that was childish and didn’t go for it. Early in the morning, Michelle’s phone wakes us up with a call from Tracy. Michelle doesn’t answer. Tracy phones me. I don’t answer. She phones Jason. He answers - what an idiot. Poor Jason is interrogated by Tracy. When she finds out that I’m lying right next to him, she demands to talk to me. I don’t want to talk since it’s early morning and we’re all sleeping. She doesn’t give up, however, even after I hang up the phone, twice, when it’s handed to me. Eventually, I give up because I want to keep sleeping, so I grab the phone, and talk to Tracy. I was really tired, and don’t really remember the conversation, but she wants the ticket right away, and I tell her that I will call her later. She is busy later and that doesn’t work for her. I reply: I don’t cater to her conveniences anymore, and that I can’t do anything at this time, so she’ll have to wait. Fine. We go back to sleep, and at 3PM Jason goes to work (he was supposed to have to day off, but he’s the new guy at his job now and had to work – he will join us at the concert later).

When I wake up, I call Tracy. No answer. I walk to her house. Knock. No answer. So I’m stuck: I have a key to her house still, but I’m not the type of person to betray trust, so I don’t want to just go in to her house. There are some things of mine at her house still, and I was kind of holding on to the ticket as leverage, to make sure I got my stuff, since she’s thrown my shit at her door once before when we were fighting. I wait about 15-20 minutes, then go in to her house anyway, take my stuff, and leave. Later, when she calls me, all cheery and in a good mood (she was having a nap at her grandma’s house), I arrange to drop off her ticket and keys to Jason at their work, since I’m dropping off Jason’s anyway. All good. She texts me back, why the keys? She flips out when I tell her I took my stuff. She complains how rude it was (which it was), etc, and how I’ve ruined her day now. Whatever, I don’t bother texting back.

Michelle and I go to the concert together. No one is driving, so we’re getting drunk. We drink and dance, until Jason arrives so Michelle leaves to greet him. I stay and dance, and since I dance very fervently, I tend attract the attention and awe of the people around me, particularly these two cute girls beside me. One asks me to go outside for a smoke, so we go, and we huddle outside since it’s freezing. “Please tell me you don’t like boys” she asks me. “Sorry” was my reply, but she wasn’t phased, and started to make out with me. I was a little surprised, but I decide to go with it for a bit – it is fun afterall. At some point she falls on top of me, in to the snow. She stops and apologizes. I say it’s fine, yada yada, but I regain my composure, and reiterate that I like boys, and not girls. She starts going off, half-crying, high-pitched voice. Woah. Okay, I hug her and convince her to go back inside since it's cold. I dance a bit more. Michelle texts me to tell me where she is, so I join her. She’s with Jason and Tracy. I exchange pleasantries – I was determined not to allow any drama to happen with Tracy. Nothing does, since we kind of ignore each other. I get bored of just sitting all awkwardly and I go dance, sometimes Michelle joins me. Jason never does, which I hadn’t noticed until now. I don’t know what he did that night. I barely saw him, and I haven’t really talked to him since. It gets late, and Michelle and Jason want to leave, so I go to meet them at the front doors. I’m really drunk of course, and apparently they aren’t (I sure couldn’t tell) so I get dropped off at an after party, and they go to Michelle’s house without me. Good thing too, as I’m not sure how the night would have played out had I gone with them. At the after party, I keep dancing, but I have a crazy case of hiccups and sit down to make them go away. I take notice of this one guy dancing. I love the way he dances. I want to go up to him, but the crazy hiccups are not going away, so I just watch. Dance a little bit. Go home.

Monday was really uneventful. Tuesday night, after work, some old friends of mine are at a bar downtown, so I convince some work buddies to go. There is a whole group of people going: Nick, some of Nick’s friends, Dave, and some other girls from work. Nick and Dave are part of an outside circle of the same friends as Jason, Michelle, Tracy, etc, so we’ve partied a bunch of times. I text Jason and Michelle, they are a maybe. We are just waiting for Dave and me to finish up our shifts. During this time, Nick starts to back out saying, he thinks he’ll just go to Tracy’s instead. I can only assume Nick and Tracy have been texting and Tracy convinced him to go to her house. Nick’s friends bail with him, and the girls decide not to go anymore either. The reasons that people give include: not having money, not wanting to drink, having to work the next day, etc (excuses that generally don’t matter). After that, Jason and Michelle stop answering my texts, which they tend to do when they’re with Tracy, so I assume they aren’t going either. I’m not going to lie, I am pretty mad at this point. After our shifts, Dave asks if we are still going, and I say that I am going since I know people there, but he can go to Tracy’s if he wants. He decides to come, which surprises me. We’ve hung out together, but never alone, and never without J, M and T.

So we have some drinks and go to the bar. Now, I have NEVER been to a bar with just one other guy, gay nor straight, and he is straight (but flirtatious – him and I flirt a lot). I can’t even think of what to do with a straight guy at a bar, since I go there to dance, and this is not a gay bar. So I figure, hey, let’s find some girls to dance with. So we go and dance a bit with some girls I know, and then some he knows. Then those girls leave, and we hunt for some more, but there aren’t many free, and Dave is being discouraged by the few that blow us off. I try to encourage him; meanwhile we kinda just dance by ourselves and talk. Dave suggests giving up on the girls and finding some guys. See, we have this one joke in our group, where there are periods of time where we all swap sexualities (Gay Thursday is one of them, for example). This is where my threesome joke with Michelle stems from. Well there’s this 10% window where if 3 conditions are met, Dave swaps, and so he points out that these 3 conditions have been met. The funny thing is right after this, some guy just happens to show up and we all engage in some conversation. I don’t really remember how it started, but we stay talking to him for a bit. He’s funny and giving me lots of attention, so I’m trying to figure out his intentions. Another guy, his friend, comes up and joins in. First guy leaves when a girl pulls him away, so she is probably his gf, oh well. We chat a little bit with other guy, but Dave and I leave right after. We had a great time though, which is weird for me, and him too apparently, because we talk about it on the way home. The combination of straight guy and gay guy, we both thought would have been awkward at the start of the night, but it was not. We plan to go out Saturday after work as well. He invites me inside his house when he’s being dropped off (he lives near all our friends, and I live 15 minutes outside the city) but I figure that would be a bad idea, since he lives alone and we were drunk, so I go home instead. Wednesday night, after our shifts were over, Dave and I go out for some wings and beer with some girls from work. Good times, but an early night.



END OF NOVEL



So I’ve made some effort to hang out with other people, I won’t say new friends, since they are in the same group of friends as Jason, Michelle and Tracy, but I used to not bother hanging out with them unless J, M, or T were there as well. Now that Jason works with Tracy, I don’t see him or talk to him. Michelle will tend to hang out with Jason, and I don’t bother trying too hard to make plans with them anymore. Nick hangs out with Tracy a lot, or his girlfriend. The rest of our friends go to school during the day. I’ve always been closer with Dave, but we flirt just as much as I do with Jason, and while Dave isn’t bi, he’s probably bi-curious when he’s drunk. I can’t see that being a good thing – I’ve always had a lil mini-crush on him. He’s a charmer. I’m catching myself doing some of the same things I do with Jason, where as it wasn’t like that before.

The thing that tops the cake: Tracy keeps texting me. She’ll say, “I miss the old you,” or, “I still want to be friends with you, but […].” It pisses me off how she plays these games, and how everyone puts up with it, and how I put up with it for so long. I just wish she would leave me out of it.

I really appreciate the advice I’ve received from everyone. It helps to get an outside view on things. For those who blame the booze, I’ll say that spencer is right: booze and drama are the lifestyle of working at a restaurant. All the ones where I’ve worked have been the same. I know I need to get out of that lifestyle, but it’s just such good money and such great hours.

The reason, I think, this whole situation hasn’t completely blown up, is that most of my friends, except for Tracy and I, are very passive. They don’t confront people or issues. It’s one of the things that annoys me the most – if they have a problem, they will ignore it or just accept it, instead of fixing it. Therefore Tracy and I tend to deal with all the problems. It’s probably why we fought so much. If Jason or Michelle did have a problem with anything I was doing, they wouldn’t tell me. And if they liked it, they wouldn’t tell me either because it would disturb the norm. Which makes it that much harder to figure out what to do.

To spencer, there's definitely a part of me that agrees completely with all of what you said, but there's definitely more than that too. I was testing Jason and Michelle’s relationship the night I instigated a threesome, because I was sick of their wishy-washy-ness. I don’t blame them for turning me down – I mean, I didn’t expect them not to. If anything, it's myself I blame, for having any sort of hope in the first place. I’m not sure why you think my “ultimatum” would be offensive. It was about time that Michelle either decided to be with Jason, or let him be with someone else. I’m also not sure I can chalk the threesome to being completely because of Jason, because there’s definitely something there for Michelle as well, and it’s just confusing trying to figure out what it is. The closest I’ve gotten to feeling happy was when I’m with Michelle or even more when I’m with Michelle and Jason. Michelle and I would just cuddle and fool around and just lay together. It was nice. Jason cuddles too, but it’s more casual. When it’s the three of us, it’s just perfect. Sometimes I wish that somehow it could just work between all three, but I know that’s not going to happen, and it just hurts to hold on to that idea. I’ve just decided to not bother, since they are both together and off limits anyway.

But lately I’ve been different towards women. Maybe I just want some attention and it’s hard to get it from the guys. I’ve been carelessly flirting with girls more, and I don’t even notice until someone points it out. Someone told me that I took a girl up to Michelle’s bedroom when I was drunk, and I don’t remember this at all. I’ve been too embarrassed to ask the girl what happened. All I know is what they told me: “so I heard you were picking up Lindsay on Friday” etc. And then I end up making out with some girl at the concert, and trying to pick up chicks… I don’t know how to feel about it. Does this happen to anyone else? I’ve not seen any threads about it.

Thanks to those who take the time to read, and to those who also give advice.