Taz
JUB Addict
I'm writing this mostly for my own benefit just to get this out of my head, but I welcome any thoughts.
So all through and ever since high school I've stayed really close to my core group of friends and through the years I've become accustomed to them getting girlfriends/boyfriends going through relationships, and it never really bothered me.
Sometimes I would think why can't that be me just for once. I knew why of course (closetfag) even though they didn't, and of course that led to the questions, "how's your romantic life going" "when are you gonna bring a girl into the group" which I always shrug off, but the other night we had a get together, a few friends from interstate came up and it felt like old times.
But there was this one crystallizing moment when we all went out for dinner and I looked around the table. Every single one of my friends is in a relationship, some going strong on a few years, some fresh new and promising, but as usual here I am, the odd wheel. They all seem to be sharing unspoken thoughts looking into each others eyes, hugging. I just kinda slumped in my seat feeling like a failure, I mean I know not being out could be a huge factor, but even then who's saying I'd be successful.
They kind of noticed so I immediately kicked back into "hey I'm quirky and funny and lets ignore everything else" mode so they looked past it. And don't get me wrong I love these guys, and I love that they're happy. I dunno. It was just like a slap to the face. Makes me wonder if I'll ever have someone.
Depressing rant over.
So all through and ever since high school I've stayed really close to my core group of friends and through the years I've become accustomed to them getting girlfriends/boyfriends going through relationships, and it never really bothered me.
Sometimes I would think why can't that be me just for once. I knew why of course (closetfag) even though they didn't, and of course that led to the questions, "how's your romantic life going" "when are you gonna bring a girl into the group" which I always shrug off, but the other night we had a get together, a few friends from interstate came up and it felt like old times.
But there was this one crystallizing moment when we all went out for dinner and I looked around the table. Every single one of my friends is in a relationship, some going strong on a few years, some fresh new and promising, but as usual here I am, the odd wheel. They all seem to be sharing unspoken thoughts looking into each others eyes, hugging. I just kinda slumped in my seat feeling like a failure, I mean I know not being out could be a huge factor, but even then who's saying I'd be successful.
They kind of noticed so I immediately kicked back into "hey I'm quirky and funny and lets ignore everything else" mode so they looked past it. And don't get me wrong I love these guys, and I love that they're happy. I dunno. It was just like a slap to the face. Makes me wonder if I'll ever have someone.
Depressing rant over.