cucumbers are too big for my tight virgin ass

[G-Lexington]

>>>There has been jokes about vegetables in the ass, so I assumed they were safe.

But they're jokes. I know a few about bowling pins and gerbils. Here's hoping you haven't heard them.

>>>So if I have done it properly, wouldn't my ass have bled?

Probably. You "hopped on", which seems to mean you got a bit over-excited and pushed it all the way in before you were totally ready.

Lex

 

[gotdimples77]

Ive seen butt plugs that go from the size of a finger up to...well...uhhh...scary. these have a flange at the bottom to keep them from getting "sucked" into your rectum which I have heard can happen although I have never seen it or anything. I think they are fairly cheap too. I saw a set of three different sizes as a package deal I think.

 

[CSI_3Stokes]

yesterday, i went to the grocery to buy some cucumbers to plug in my ass, i already bought before that were too big, so i looked for the smallerst cucumber, and bought it. when i went home, i immediately cleansed my sphincter of any debris. i massage and palpate it and entered my index finger. and then i entered both my index and middle finger. it was doing fine, until i tried inserting the cucumber, it was too big for my ass. i mean my ass's entry couldn't be stretched out more for the cucumber to enter. i peeled to cucumber and i just realized it was soft on the inside. i went to the kitchen and found a carrot. it was nice because it was hard as rocks inside out. i carved it into a penis and used it instead, lol. i started enjoying it coz it could get in. I got up and hopped on it, it felt really great. out of the blue, i pulled the carrot out of my ass. it was disgusting coz it bleed. question: does the ass have something like virginity thing like hymen? will it really bleed? 2nd question, is a carrot a safe substitute, or that caused the bleeding?

I think that a good rule of thumb (?) is not to use vegetables. Or fruit.

 

[jockboy01]

I would agree with the above. Carrots and veggies can and do get stuck up there requiring a rather embarrassing trip to the ER, and possibly to the OR. I'd buy a small dildo... they're smaller than cucumbers anyway. And they don't get sucked up inside never to be seen again.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm going to echo jockboy on this. There are plenty of discreet online stores that sell dildos. Buy yourself one.

Rules to live by:
1. Never put anything in your ass that you wouldn't put in your mouth.
2. Never put anything in your ass that is breakable.
3. Never put anything in your ass that doesn't have a handle or a wide base that you can hang onto.
4. Never put anything in your ass that you are going to have to explain when you end up in the emergency room.

And in case you're wondering- we never believe that "I slipped in the shower" story.

 

[wastingmymind]

I work in a grocery store. I am thus very traumatized. But if that's your thing, try English cucumbers. Pointy but slim.

But I'm still traumatized.

 

[gotdimples77]

OH! Make sure you wash the little thorny things off the Cucumber !! lol

 

[mattad]

I think I can help you with this... I'll go very slow, lots of lube, and start with one finger first.... we'll take our time... then soon you will know what real pleasure is about

 

[Georgiadude]

I used to work in an ER. We had this same guy that kept coming in with different things either stuck or lost up his butt. One time he had a lotion bottle stuck another time it was the toilet paper roll holder . We were always able to get the object out except the last time. He used a 14 inch carrot that he had carved as well. This time he perforated his rectum and the carrot was floating in his abdomen. He had emergency surgery, ended up with a colostomy and spent a month in the hospital battling an infection that nearly cost him his life.

You have to be careful and ONLY use an object that intended for that purpose. It sounds like you were very lucky to have gotten away with this. I wouldn't tempt fate again. PLEASE be careful, this isn't anything to mess around with.

Please be careful, it is a lot of fun but not worth your life.

 

[Georgiadude]

OMG NEVER EVER use anything like that. PLEASE be careful and only use items that are designed/intended for anal use. I know it feels good to have something up your butt however it's not worth losing your life over.

You were very lucky to not have injured yourself.

Have fun and play safe.

 

[mishima75]

for some reason i read that as samuel jackson and thought, cucumbers on a motherfucking plane... that vinegar's sure gonna sting...

they key to the whole ass thing is avoid anything hard and sharp - it's got to be bendy and have a safe handle, because lubed things do what lubed things do - slide and slip...

if you go tone of the good sex shops online you'll find anal trainer kits for around 20 bucks that have three utt plugs of various sizes - that'll help a lot.

 

[KaraBulut]

It seems that meheartdicks has been sent to the salad bar in the sky.

So sad. So sad.

 

[thewiz]

Would that be a tossed salad?


Anywho....part of using a dildo is to learn about relaxing. If you could fit a couple fingers, try going for three. Practice gripping the fingers and then practice relaxing and allow entry.

Getting a butt plug may be wise as you can start off small and stretch the muscle. Stretch until it becomes uncomfortable and then pull it back out slowly and relax. Repeat. After a while, it will begin to go in further. That is where a nice dildo (especially a vibrating one) can come in handy.

After you have relaxed, slide the dildo in and hit the prostate....it will be a great sensation and you can control where and how you hit as well as the tempo of the vibration. Find which spots turn you on.

Sounds like you may have caused an anal fissure (characterized by bright red blood that stops). Now if the carrot was bleeding it would be a different diagnosis completely!