freefall
Count Hedgecula
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2009
- Posts
- 7,180
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 36
So now, I was just sitting, reading posts and replying my emails, feeling light-headed when I remembered a song I like a lot. The lyrics are critical and unexpectedly match my situation. POOF. In no time I entered my depression mode.
Haven't gone to a doctor or therapist to talk about it, but I'm pretty sure I have it. There are periods of time in one/two months where my mood elevates high like the rainbow before it crashes down like an aeroplane caught in accident. Not really sure why. Actually, I can't really call it cyclothymia, because it's not like the usual symptoms, where the person suffering from this has a strict period of mood swings with no clear aetiologies. In fact, the swing must be ignited by some very blissful moments, then immediately downfall when the glee feelings pass. The mood drop is precipitated by anything which reflects my condition (the ones which I feel uncomfortable with). And all of these will resolve by me exploding in great fury to anyone around when something I dislike happens.
It's a bit disturbing. In the mania mode, I feel relatively immune---I talk much, laugh excessively; even some friends say I'm in delusional state. This doesn't bring me much trouble. But when I enter the other mode, I thinking about anything negative which might happen in the future, all in bad scenario mode (and end bitterly too). And then I will definitely have a terrible insomnia in the night for about a week because I worry too much they will happen. But the most annoying effect is that the thoughts affect my attitude that they sometimes interfere with my life.
The last time it brought me trouble was about a year ago, when I came back after long time hospitalisation. I was too happy because I could meet my friends again, but it was all ruined when my group wouldn't come forward to pick up the presentation number. I came forward, picked up a paper, opened it, and learned it was my group who had to presentate. The whole depression sequel resolved in me slamming the paper in front of the lecturer. I was called to the dean's office later that week.
Some of my friends suggest that I pay a visit to a therapist, but the image of me considered 'mentally ill' by everyone, including my family (who is not supportive on these cases) prevents me. Now that it seldom recurs after I learn anger management, I don't really pay much attention to it, but there has been fear that it may provoke something bad.
Oh well.
Maybe it's just me after all.
Haven't gone to a doctor or therapist to talk about it, but I'm pretty sure I have it. There are periods of time in one/two months where my mood elevates high like the rainbow before it crashes down like an aeroplane caught in accident. Not really sure why. Actually, I can't really call it cyclothymia, because it's not like the usual symptoms, where the person suffering from this has a strict period of mood swings with no clear aetiologies. In fact, the swing must be ignited by some very blissful moments, then immediately downfall when the glee feelings pass. The mood drop is precipitated by anything which reflects my condition (the ones which I feel uncomfortable with). And all of these will resolve by me exploding in great fury to anyone around when something I dislike happens.
It's a bit disturbing. In the mania mode, I feel relatively immune---I talk much, laugh excessively; even some friends say I'm in delusional state. This doesn't bring me much trouble. But when I enter the other mode, I thinking about anything negative which might happen in the future, all in bad scenario mode (and end bitterly too). And then I will definitely have a terrible insomnia in the night for about a week because I worry too much they will happen. But the most annoying effect is that the thoughts affect my attitude that they sometimes interfere with my life.
The last time it brought me trouble was about a year ago, when I came back after long time hospitalisation. I was too happy because I could meet my friends again, but it was all ruined when my group wouldn't come forward to pick up the presentation number. I came forward, picked up a paper, opened it, and learned it was my group who had to presentate. The whole depression sequel resolved in me slamming the paper in front of the lecturer. I was called to the dean's office later that week.
Some of my friends suggest that I pay a visit to a therapist, but the image of me considered 'mentally ill' by everyone, including my family (who is not supportive on these cases) prevents me. Now that it seldom recurs after I learn anger management, I don't really pay much attention to it, but there has been fear that it may provoke something bad.
Oh well.
Maybe it's just me after all.