Dating a man with HIV

[Jamesbraxter]

Hello everyone, I have a question about dating a man with HIV and would appreciate any advice given. My last STD/HIV test came back completely negative about a month ago, the series of events I have detailed below have happened in the past two weeks.

Firstly, some background information about him: I am dating a man that is HIV+ and has been for ten years. Although he claims that his viral load is undetectable each time he goes for his routine tests, I have actually seen his test results and unfortunately I really do not understand the test results so I cannot tell if he is telling the truth or not. He does not take his prescribed medicine, but he does take Black Cumin Seed on a daily basis.

Well, recently, things have gotten very sensual and steamy whilst we were having sex, and we have now had unprotected sex between the two of us in every way possible (As in, I've topped him bb, he's topped me bb). I realize this is irresponsible of us to have unprotected sex, but latex and nonlatex condoms tear me up inside and he just likes it bareback, so in the heat of the moment it did not seem like a bad idea.

Anyways, my question is, am I walking too close to the fire? Should I stop having unprotected sex in order to prevent myself from becoming HIV+, or do I have nothing to worry about due to his alleged non-existent viral load?

Any information or help will seriously be appreciated!

 

[medic1]

He is lying to you, if he is not taking his combination therapy then his viral load will not be undetectable. You are not walking too close to the fire, you are walking through it.
This man is knowingly having unprotected anal sex with you, in the full knowledge that he is not taking his meds, that is not the actions of a
loving boyfriend.
As for yourself, you know his status, yet you are barebacking in both an active and passive role, WHY? This is not one of those situations of maybe, this is one of those situations of when. As for the "heat of the moment" excuse, you may get away with using that once, but most certainly not on the regular basis that you are claiming.
Get yourself tested, and if it comes back negative, give thanks to whoever is looking out for you, Unless you happen to be a bug-chaser.
In which case any advice we offer will just be ignored.

 

[cocksucker4use]

If you don't understand the test results (assuming he showed them to you, or even if you "found" them) have a discussion with him and ask him to explain "undetectable" and how his test results demonstrate that. Over coffee would be good. Share your thoughts and feelings around it, and since he is 10 years POZ, he should be comfortable and conversant in discussing and explaining this to you. HOWEVER, since he does not take his meds, it is hard to understand how the virus is undetectable. If black cumin seed worked, Gilead would be marketing it for $1,000 a bottle and everyone would be onto it. I have been in this serodiverse situation, and frankly was so in lust/love that I decided I didn't care, or at least accepted the risk. He was undetectable, and I am still negative and grateful for that AND haven't heard from him in a year. Do get tested. Evaluate your situation objectively. Find a trusted friend to reflect for you and you may gain some perspective. What would you advise someone who came to you with this problem?

 

[KaraBulut]

Hello everyone, I have a question about dating a man with HIV and ...He does not take his prescribed medicine, but he does take Black Cumin Seed on a daily basis.

Well, recently, things have gotten very sensual and steamy whilst we were having sex, and we have now had unprotected sex between the two of us in every way possible (As in, I've topped him bb, he's topped me bb)...

Anyways, my question is, am I walking too close to the fire? Should I stop having unprotected sex in order to prevent myself from becoming HIV+, or do I have nothing to worry about due to his alleged non-existent viral load?

No, you're not walking too close to the fire. You are in the line of fire.

If your boyfriend is not taking his meds and if you are having bareback sex, the chances of you contracting HIV increases exponentially each time you have unprotected anal sex (or more plainly, every time you get fucked without a condom).

You have a decision to make. If you want to contract HIV, continue on this path. If you do not want to contract HIV, use condoms.

You have to be responsible for your own health. That means finding a condom that you don't have an adverse reaction to (try the non-latex condoms) and don't let your boyfriend's dick in your ass without a condom. Do not make bareback an option.

 

[sixthson]

To tell you the truth, I have a hard time believing that someone in the year 2014 could be so ignorant or ill informed or lacking in self control during passion that they cannot control themselves. Why would you take such a risk with your life and why would he let you if he loves you?

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Wow. Just... wow.

Aside from my amazement at this thread, I had to Google: Black Cumin Seed.

All I got was it's yet another herbal supplement with a laundry list of supposedly nearly miraculous benefits... none of which was curing HIV. It's probably about the same as taking a Flintstone Vitamin, if he'd even get that much out of it.

While I'm of the mind that under certain circumstances it's perfectly fine to date someone HIV +, I would never, ever, support what you and he are doing. ALWAYS use protection... ESPECIALLY when you KNOW he's HIV +... detectable or not.

Yikes.

 

[Luka]

Oh man, get away from that guy! hes totally lying to you just so he can BB, I have had sex with HIV+ guys in the past and always used protection, I only topped though because i also have a bad reaction to bottoming with condemns. You should def get tested pretty regularly now because HIV can live inside you for a while before being detected by tests. Don't risk anyone else and use protection every time please!

 

[bankside]

This kind of sexual situation is exactly how HIV spreads.

He does not care if you get HIV or not. He does not care if he gives you HIV or not. I hope you do care. Leave him. Using condoms isn't enough when you are dealing with someone who cares so little about your health.

You could pick up a random drug injecting street prostitute and fuck bareback and it would be an obvious ridiculous risk and you would be taking your life in your hands. But even then you would have a better chance than with this guy, because he has untreated HIV infection and he doesn't care enough to even wear a condom with you. He is a guarantee.

Seriously never see him again and don't even bother explaining it because he won't get it.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

I don't know why everyone is blaming the guy with HIV when the person involved with him is taking unneeded risks too. You're both to blame for your behavior, not just the one party.

You're not walking too close, you're standing in it. Smiling all the way.

 

[eastofeden]

It isn't him you need to trust...it is you.

It shouldn't matter what he tells you. Having unprotected sex with a person who is HIV+ is risky behavior...always...and you need to own it.

 

[demolay]

Stop your current actions with this partner immediately and have a serious discussion with this person about what is going on. Take all of the aforementioned advice and exercise it. you are just asking for it, its not fair to your body to mistreat it like that. You're just setting yourself up for major disaster. Your boyfriend also needs to rethink his actions. Guaranteed you are not his first victim, what hes doing is borderline illegal. Once you stop having unprotected sex with this individual you will have to wait a minimum of 3 months to accurately know if you are positive or not.

Godspeed!

Rock!