Dating advice, please?

[BreatheintheAir]

So, a little background info: I'm 21, in college, living in the Atlanta suburbs, and looking to date in hopes of having a relationship.

Okay, here's my problem. I live in a suburban town, and although there are gay guys who live here, it's not gay-friendly. Plus, the gay guys who live here only wanna hook-up. I use online dating sites, but either they just want to hook up or they are too shy and don't make any attempt to get to know me. I would like to be able to meet guys in public (i.e. flirting with someone you encounter, talk, maybe exchange numbers), and I would like to meet more outgoing guys (not saying that everyone who uses online dating is shy, but that's just been my experience). I know dating's not easy, but I just keep encountering the same type of guys, over and over again! Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

 

[hylas]

be really clear in your on-line profile about what you want. you want to meet in person, and you dont want to hook up. also, make sure the pics you upload are attractive, but not "slutty". not that theres anything wrong with slutty pics, but that will attract guys who want to hook up, and thats not what youre after. other than that, i cant really think of any great advice... hope it helps.

 

[BreatheintheAir]

Same here, in Hungary.
My idea: Don't waste your time on looking for love. It will find you if you become your true self.

So you better find out who you are.

That's the best way to go, but I do like to date and getting to know people, whether it turns into a friendship or something more.

 

[BreatheintheAir]

be really clear in your on-line profile about what you want. you want to meet in person, and you dont want to hook up. also, make sure the pics you upload are attractive, but not "slutty". not that theres anything wrong with slutty pics, but that will attract guys who want to hook up, and thats not what youre after. other than that, i cant really think of any great advice... hope it helps.

I'm almost certain I'm crystal clear about what I want! Lol. I don't post pictures like that, and I pretty much spell out my intentions, down to what kind of guy I like being around. However, I still get those guys who wanna hook-up and show me their manly parts. The manly parts are nice, don't get me wrong, but that's not what I want.

 

[loveguys72]

Just be you and do the stuff you like. If you see a guy you like, flirt away. If he's interested, great! If not, oh well. All part of the fun of being young.

Good luck!

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Most of those on line sites, even if they say they're for: dating, friends, chat,... everyone just assumes if you're there, it's for a hook up. The other misconception is that a lot of people think those sites are also "Mail Order Brides" where you can just pick the guy you want off an app. click a button, and he's yours!!! Live Happily Ever After.

Unfortunately, real life isn't that easy. You're going to have to meet, spend time with, and get to know a LOT of guys before you find that one you mesh well enough with and have the chemistry to date, get romantic, and eventually fall in love with. Lust is more instant gratification. Love is a time and energy expenditure.

 

[Seasoned]

^Yep. It usually takes a lot of guys so patience is key. I know logistics is a factor but expanding your search, if you haven't already done so, to your school community and greater Atlanta might also help. Good luck.

 

[cgymike]

People who use the on line sites or apps on a phone are too lazy to look for something in the real world. Focus on some activity groups in your local area. If you keep encountering the same guys then maybe a move into the city would be helpful? But even where you are in the suburbs there must be some kind of support groups?

 

[Rolyo85]

People who use the on line sites or apps on a phone are too lazy to look for something in the real world. Focus on some activity groups in your local area. If you keep encountering the same guys then maybe a move into the city would be helpful? But even where you are in the suburbs there must be some kind of support groups?

I am sorry, I know this is not the place for discussions, but this sweeping judgment is not only incredibly inaccurate, but also quite offensive.

Not all places have activity groups or any other form of real life meeting places. Hell, I spent three years in one of the gayest college towns in America, and there was NOTHING in real life, except for a trashy gay bar in a strip mall.

I do agree about moving to the big city though. Unfortunately, sometimes it's a must for gay guys.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I'm almost certain I'm crystal clear about what I want! Lol. I don't post pictures like that, and I pretty much spell out my intentions, down to what kind of guy I like being around. However, I still get those guys who wanna hook-up and show me their manly parts. The manly parts are nice, don't get me wrong, but that's not what I want.

Coming across as too needy, and desperate in your profiles is also a huge turn off to most guys looking for a relationship. You don't want to come across as some clingy psycho who's already picked out the China Patterns and rings for the wedding.

 

[BreatheintheAir]

I am sorry, I know this is not the place for discussions, but this sweeping judgment is not only incredibly inaccurate, but also quite offensive.

Not all places have activity groups or any other form of real life meeting places. Hell, I spent three years in one of the gayest college towns in America, and there was NOTHING in real life, except for a trashy gay bar in a strip mall.

I do agree about moving to the big city though. Unfortunately, sometimes it's a must for gay guys.

I've tried looking for that kind of thing, support groups and interest-related groups, and there's not much available. I am planning on moving to a bigger town with a major university, so maybe my options will increase then! I've thought about trying the gay bars in Atlanta, but the general consensus is that they're not the best place to meet someone.

 

[Rolyo85]

Bars generally aren't, unless it's special events meant specifically for meeting people (I was just at a Geeks OUT mixer in Chicago, and it was great for meeting new people).

Frankly, wherever you go, online sites/apps would still be your best chance of making connections.

 

[cgymike]

I am sorry, I know this is not the place for discussions, but this sweeping judgment is not only incredibly inaccurate, but also quite offensive.

Not all places have activity groups or any other form of real life meeting places. Hell, I spent three years in one of the gayest college towns in America, and there was NOTHING in real life, except for a trashy gay bar in a strip mall.

I do agree about moving to the big city though. Unfortunately, sometimes it's a must for gay guys.

Well maybe it's just me - I spent years and years on line looking for a bf with nothing to show for it. Yeah it sounds like a sweeping judgment but there are years of activity and countless on line sites behind that "judgment". My opinion stands for itself based on my experience. It's all I have to go on. But sure many people have found a bf on line. I have given up trying to find it that way because for me it doesn't work. I kept an open mind about it for years, created and re-worked many ads on many sites but in the end very little real to show for it. I sure wasn't lazy in my efforts. But in the end, and after those years of efforts, I made a personal judgement that it doesn't work. I am expressing my opinion and not anyone else's. Technology has made us a bit lazy and it's easy just to click or point on a screen. That's more what I was saying.
But the second part of my post about seeking real-world solutions is more significant since I was trying to come up with some ideas for real-world socialization where you meet people who share common interests like in activity groups. Then from there you can go one-on-one with someone whose interesting.
But my post stand inaccurate offensive or whatever label could be put on it. Thank you for your feedback on it. Since this is no-flame I will keep my comments as such.

 

[hylas]

... and I pretty much spell out my intentions, down to what kind of guy I like being around.

im with borg here, i dont think thats a good idea (unless youre being very generic... like "i appreciate open-minded and genuine guys")

 

[BreatheintheAir]

im with borg here, i dont think thats a good idea (unless youre being very generic... like "i appreciate open-minded and genuine guys")

Oh yeah, definitely! I just state personality traits I appreciate, whether they become a friend or a lover.

 

[Durango95]

Ok so there are absolutely no places to meet people, no gyms, no coffee shops, no clothing stores no nothing.

Gym locker rooms rock. That way you get a preview of the real deal beforehand. It's definitely a perk. Home Depots are greats places to meet guys. I've always had great luck at grocery stores. There is a Whole Foods in my area and that is always buzzing with guys. I agree bars are not generally places to meet guys. Bars are places to go and have fun with a guy you've already met. I've had some bad experiences with online sites so, I don't do those any more.

You have to be sociable though. You can't go somewhere and expect someone to come up to you, well all the time anyway. You have to approach people. They aren't going to bite. If the guy isn't interested or even gay you may make a friend and one can never have too may friends. I mean the real kind and not FB "likes" kind.

Wear a t-shirt with a smartass comment on it. It seems to work for me pretty well.

 

[Brian Smith]

I am going to second Durango, here. I have hanged out on dating sites just to jack myself from reading the profiles, but I would not look for love at those venues. It's a losing proposition, usually. They tend to draw a weaker breed.

Try doing some charity work, especially for something like Habitat for Humanity. It is really a wonderful way to meet people and perfect your social skills, and the kinds of guys who show up for things like that are usually a stronger breed. Seriously, a guy who is toned from physical labor and likes helping people? You have a problem with that? Even if you don't meet your next lover there, it's good for networking. If you happen to strike up a conversation with a guy and it turns out he is straight, there is at least a chance in ten he has a cousin who is gay, hot, single and looking, or you might even find yourself drinking coffee with your next boss. It is the best thing ever, and I truly urge you to try it.

You could also try hitting gyms in your area, or you could join a jogging group. Just do anything that gets you around people who are 'doers,' and you will find much better quality people than you would at a dating site.

Just remember, the kinds of venues where you do your cruising will draw exactly the kinds of people you would expect them to draw. Gym bunnies can be vain, and renovation maniacs are obsessive-compulsive. These kinds of things are fine in moderation, but you have to take the measure of what kinds of character quirks you can deal with.