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Dating Again

chance1

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3 year relationship is officially over - for about 6 weeks now. First year and half was amazing - he was my first real BF. After that we scuffled a bit about lots of things. We broke up late last summer - had a couple months apart - got back together but it just wasn't the same and we ended it. A bit sad but eyes wide open. My "let's try again" gives me the perspective I needed to know for sure it wasn't meant to be.

So I jumped right back into the pool. Meeting guys online - Manhunt, Grindr, OK Cupid plus in person - at the gym, on the subway, bars, etc. I will chat with anyone usually although bars I tend to be less "how are you doing"

Another issue I had with my BF was that he was a total top and after the first year or so of him "allowing" me to top him 1x a month or so (with him grimacing, etc.) I stopped trying and resigned myself to bottoming - which was fine and was good but left me wondering and missing frankly

So after the break up I needed to see if I could still top and yes I could - and for a few weeks, it became my reason to be. Met some very attractive guys, none of whom were dating material - my goal was simply to be the dominant top, fuck in as many positions as possible, create new ones, etc. Mission accomplished - is that all there is?

So I've met a couple of guys and it's been mixed. First guy Brent, from Iowa, likes sports, cute, nerdy (with glasses) - we really hit it off. Had 3 dates. He said he was "seeing someone" but not exclusive. After a couple good times he stopped responding directly to my texts for "let's get together" - was evasive. I finally said "thought we hit it off - do you or don't you want to see me again"

Whereby he explains that his roommate (i knew about) was his BF and they had discussed an open relationship and that now they're not, etc. etc. etc. At which point I said "good luck - next time be more str8 about the situation

whatever - but I liked him - so bummed

A few other dates - basically I like them (they don't reciprocate) - they like me (I don't like them) - LOL

welcome to dating :)

So I met this guy on Grindr about a week ago - Chris - actor/singer/dancer - from New England - we met on grindr (I know) - met for drinks at Barrage in Hells Kitchen in NYC - got pretty wrecked as we chatted for 3+ hours - on a week night - great convo, some flirting - cab home we make out I drop him at his place

he comes over Sunday night to my place to watch MadMen - great time - we make out some more + he has an early audition, I have work - he leaves

we go to dinner this past Tuesday night - awesome - I find that I'm telling him things so naturally (perhaps too much) and am naturally curious about him and he reciprocates.

He wears a bow tie to our dinner - I love it - even though it's a wee bit tilted - we joke about him changing his grindr pic to be him in a bowtie (my idea) - he responds with perhaps just the bowtie (no face) - LOL - so there's some grindr chatting - who we like/why, etc. - I'm ok with it - wondering if it's appropriate ???

we talk about coming out, our parents, social issues - in addition to just fun stuff - appears to be (no there is) a connection

Meanwhile for the week we text a few times - it's so natural and unforced - simply put he's a terrific guy

Not sure where I'm going with this

I like him - it's been a week - he's going home to his parents for Easter weekend - not gonna see him - I miss him

Thinking I'm getting toooooo into him tooooo quick

I have no idea whether he views me as BF material - I do view him as such

Oh yeah - was wondering if having sex with him too early is a problem - perhaps a lame question

that's it - wanted to type this - say it - looking for any feedback that comes my way - which i will take under advisement

beautiful sunny day in NYC btw

cheers
 
Congrats chance1, and this hope for the best for you is devoid of snarkiness. For I do adore you.
 
It seems as though you've written a short primer on dating. It's a lot like the crane and claw machines, a lot of hit and miss. Good luck.
 
Wait a month or 2 until the infatuation wears off to determine if the feelings are true and mutual. Also, be weary that his occupation may take him places that puts him away from you for a period of time.
 
^ thanks to all for the kind and thoughtful words

He hasn't responded to my text yet today - OMG ;)

He actually told me at dinner Tues. night that he knew he was gay when he was 10 - he had a funny feeling (or crush) about another boy - came out when he was 14 - I liked that and that he told me

hear u max - i usually dive head first into things - feelings/heart trump brain ;)

he for sure will go where the jobs are and from meeting other actors I understand they go here/there/everywhere for a gig - summer in Kentucky or Tennessee of Cape Cod (Altar Boyz), etc.

but I'm not so worried about that now

just want to spend time and share experiences with him
 
^reckon I don't pin you as the maudlin type to say you love a guy within a fortnight and then get crushed in another fortnight because you smothered him with affection.
 
Brian my boy you have already received the best advice.

I have recently learned you can't go back after welcoming my ex back into my life. Now he is here and I am sorta stuck. Meh.

Something that it highlighted to me was the affection I had developed with a couple of guys. I had four regular fuck buddies when James returned and I am a open guy. SO I told them my ex came back and lives with me and I don't know if I will be open or not open about sex in our relationship. Two of the four guys acted as if we were mutually exclusive. Something that never even occurred to me. The other two said "Deuces"

SO I would just take it as it comes. Life is too short to wonder if the current happiness is good bad or indifferent.
 
Chris went home to see his family for Easter so I didn't get to see him this weekend

We traded texts - some nice exchanges - combination of just chatting, flirting, teasing - all good - very natural and real

we chatted last night for an hour on the phone - he just bussed home from New England and got in late - breezy with no difficulty communicating or connecting

it's crazy as i barely know him but really dig him - the whole package

we're going to dinner tomorrow night - might stay local as he has a thai place he likes and wants me to try - i threw out going into manhattan to a new place i found - i'm good either way - he's got a slow week with just a few auditions so he's got a fair amount of free time

i'm working but looking for a new gig so I'm pretty busy but making time for him is easy

here's a wrinkle

i'm on grindr now - i actually met him on grindr - and i hop on once in a while (hard not to once u start) - i haven't set anything up with anyone since chris and i met - i actually cancelled a "date" last Thursday because ......... actually not sure why other than i didn't want bad karma or to do something i guess i wouldn't want him to do

but i have no idea what his proclivities are with regard to that - if he's dating many, none, hooking up, etc.

i know it's not my business right now - but up to me, i'd prefer to be "dating" so to speak - silly i know

anyway this is sort of a ramble more for me than you - but i'm genuinely excited to know him and have been experiencing more emotions than i have in a while

cheers
 
Quick update

Still seeing Chris - we've both been busy professionally so not as often as I'd like but ........

Last nite I let him pick our date - he chose Titanic 3D and a local burger joint

Had a blast and he came back to my place and stayed over even though we both had early morning outs - he to work and me with family

He's very giving - wanting to make sure he's providing me with pleasure - and he's mad sexy

Really good space with him

I'm feeling much more at ease with him - less anxious "wondering how he feels" moments

Told him last nite that i REALLY like him :)

Waiting for my car to be inspected now

Big grin on my face
 
Glad to hear things are going well, Chance!

I'd know I liked a guy if I endured Titanic 3D with him. ;)
 
Glad to hear things are going well, Chance!

I'd know I liked a guy if I endured Titanic 3D with him. ;)

I'm glad to hear things are going well with him, chance1. Keep us posted. :)

Titanic 3D was actually pretty good if a tad long (3:15) - got a quick bite to eat afterwards and went back to my place - good sexual chemistry - he's strictly a bottom - he was not ready to have intercourse which was fine with me - we did everything but - it was great and he stayed over which was nice - showering in the morning together was awesome - it's sort of a thing I truly enjoy - and not everyone does

We texted this week and went out to a neat place in Williamsburg for dinner mid week - i found it on yelp and it was even better than i expected - stayed in the area for a drink or 2 and walked around - lotta fun

text and/or call every day to shoot the breeze and it's all good

thinking about a day trip tomorrow - drive up to New Haven or out to Long Island for the day ......... he's very into it

I've seen my ex a few times - he knows about me seeing someone and he's made a few comments - the 1/2 truth 1/2 kidding kinds - no biggie - he's been really nice to me otherwise - and i have to admit there's a part of me that's still a bit attached if only because of history and frankly at his best he was an awesome top

it's weird because I'm sorta popular right now (not always the case) - it's the feast/famine thing - and I find myself meeting/chatting/flirting with guys but not wanting it to go beyond that so I draw a line for myself - I sorta see me and chris as dating for real which for me means no sexual contact with others

i don't want to bring it up - i wanna be chill about it - don't want to make it seem like I'm jumping the gun - i told him this week that i'm not seeing anyone else - it was conversational as he asked me about me going out with my friend steve who I explained was a friend not a "friend" ;) - he said "i'm not seeing anyone else either"

so .........

playing it slow and chill feels right - no pressure - just enjoy our time which i am

writing this sorta clears my head
 
Continued best wishes and good luck with Chris. Can't beat fun and exciting. :)
 
Glad to hear it's going well chance,and you definitely ARE playing it right.Just let it develop and take things from there!
 
It sounds like you're taking it slow in all the right ways, although I'm disappointed to hear he's strictly a bottom. That sucks. :P Oh well, at least he's not a total top. That would be a deal breaker. ;)
 
Updates are fun right? ;)

All good .......... we've had some very good moments the past 2 weeks or so

I finished Hunger Games book (he gave it to me) and then we saw the movie - real good time
He picked a restaurant for us which was wonderful and then after we went to a crazy good club (mixed crowd) in Alphabet City - Bedlam - great spot - small "incident"

we were dancing with 2 other guys - thought they might be a couple - they were not - one left to go with another guy - the guy who stayed we had him in between - lotta fun - he kissed me - I liked it - didn't pull away - Chris got pissed - stormed away

I apologized and explained I thought he was into it - if I didn't think so I'd have pulled away - he thought he had given me the impression that third party play was not his thing - i immediately took ownership and said "hear you" and my bad

small wrinkle - we're both still on grindr - i changed my status to "dating" - he has not - it's been 5 weeks btw since we met - seems longer

we have not had the "we're a couple" discussion - frankly i don't want to be the heavy - but he tells me he isn't seeing anyone else and i believe him - i'm not

after we went clubbing and our little spat ......... i went down on him on the avenue - crazy i know - and at first he resisted - sort of an out of control moment - and the first time i'd ever done anything like that - it was hot - i initiated and have no regrets

he made plans with his friends to go out on cinco de mayo - this past saturday - i had neglected to say "let's do something" - he has tons of friends - crazy # - i expressed disappointment when I saw him thursday but again did not make a deal out of it

should i have?

for me if we're "dating" saturday night is well ........... THE NIGHT right?

LOL

we hung yesterday post his cinco de mayo night - he was a bit hungover - we grabbed a bite then went for a long walk/talk in the park - and spent several hours together

back to work :)

thx for reading
 
I can totally understand you feeling disappointed on the whole cinco de mayo thing. The only thing I can think is that he had designated it a friend night and perhaps had some sort of tradition associated with it.

Regardless, glad to hear things are going well with you two!
 
Well, some bumps in the road. Having had a Cuban lover for 17 yrs I can tell you that the traditional celebration is very important. But truth be told, h does not appear hooked.
 
I know what you mean about falling for someone before you even think about it, I tend to do that myself. I'm 18 and having only had one relationship two years ago with a guy that ended very badly after he did some things that I can't ever forgive.. I have yet to get back in the game.

I am, however, glad to see you are taking it slow and it would seem you two make a nice pair! Best of luck to you, take care. :)

~Dustin
 
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