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Dating Someone Much Older

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FrankDon

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So, I'm in my mid-twenties and I just started seeing a guy who is 26 years older than me. He's a great guy and I'm very attracted to him and I want to take things to the next level (we haven't had sex yet) but I find myself struggling with thinking about how a relationship with him would work long-term. I know my family will find the age difference bizarre and I just don't know what to do. I really, really like this guy. Does anybody have any experience with long-term large age difference relationships? Is it too weird to even work?
 
Love is never weird, but the gap can be problematic. It's a situation where you have to compromise somehow. I would follow the heart in this case, but I am stubborn... so you need to consider if you would be able to stand some possibilities. I am more or less your age and into older men, one of them once responded to this concern by saying... "it is also quite possible that you're going to die first" :lol:
 
tarallucci said:
Love is never weird, but the gap can be problematic. It's a situation where you have to compromise somehow. I would follow the heart in this case, but I am stubborn... so you need to consider if you would be able to stand some possibilities. I am more or less your age and into older men, one of them once responded to this concern by saying... "it is also quite possible that you're going to die first" :lol:
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Thanks for your honesty. I'd be lying if I said that thought hasn't crossed my mind, but I'm falling hard for this guy. I can sense that we're going to take things to the next level soon and I don't think I've ever been more excited or scared about anything!
 
Do you have identical value systems - or something close to it? Do either of you appreciate - or disparage - the culture each of you grew up in (his was in the late 60s, yours the late 90s)? If he talks about how great the 70s were, and your response is "disco sucks" (a stupid comment, frankly, from anyone who wasn't even alive in that period) or his reaction is The Red Hot Chili WHO????? What a dumb name!"...), then yes, you might have problems. If his response is, "I never heard much of their music, do you have any I can listen to," then you know you're with an open-minded guy who, because he has strong feelings for you, now wants to know what mattered to you musically when you were young. Chances are other subjects will be equally of interest to him (I didn't say he'd agree on everything you mention, because he's older, and he knows things from real life, whereas to you, they're just something you read about in a book (IF you even did).
A therapist once said to me, "When one person is operating up here" (and she held her hand 6 feet above the floor) and the other one operates down here" (other hand 3 feet above the floor), "this one's leaving eventually (the hand at the 6 foot height) because he's not getting his needs met." So, if you're equals in maturity (and MAN, so many people don't even factor this in to their thinking), and you genuinely care for each other (and it's not because you're lonely or he's lonely and you're both trying to fill holes in your heart) and you see Love as something you already have in your heart and just want to share it, you're off to a good start.

And use THIS to grow your intimacy faster: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

I've posted this before and found people's responses to it pretty revealing: "Oh, that's just dumb. How can I know (question 12) 12. "If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be"? Frankly, anyone who says that doesn't even know who THEY are, much less have the ability to know who YOU are. So, ask the questions, and at the end, don't forget to look into each other's eyes for 4 minutes. That's part of the test. A BIG part. Don't skip it. And don't think you have to wait until you've known him 5 months: you can take this test after 2 dates and if you are "awake," you will know whether or not you are both able to be intimate (spiritually and emotionally) with each other.
 
I've hooked up with some older guys and eventually I will be one. I got really close to a guy nearly 40 and we had a really strong connection on almost every level. I'm bi and still awfully uncommited. The bi thing was too "odd" for him. You both should discuss this and decide if you're both confident and connected. Let other people think what they will and comfort each other. Don't get all inside your head.
 
Thank you! We're supposed to see each other tomorrow, so maybe I'll try to address the elephant in the room before things turn sexual. I'm afraid that once we have sex I'm really gonna fall hard and I don't want that to happen before I'm open and honest about my fears and doubts. He makes me feel so safe so I know I can talk to him about anything, but it's still not an easy conversation to have.
 
I've had 2 relationships with guys younger than me. We got along great and actually had a lot in common. Neither of us cared what others thought. We did all the usual dating stuff (dinner, movies, concerts etc) we never had an age difference issue. Some family really pressured me to break things off but I loved them and refused to do it. I didn't think we'd end up getting married but I just enjoyed the time we had together for what it was and nothing more. You're in your mid twenties, you're old enough to make your own decisions. Don't worry about what others think. It's what's in your heart and mind that matter, not someone else's. Yes family is important but your feelings trump theirs when it comes to personnel matters like this. My advice is not too over think it. Enjoy your time together. If its meant to be it'll work out for both of you. Good luck and keep us updated. PM if you'd like to chat.

Steven
 
Thanks guys for the replies. He and I had a long talk last night and we decided we're just going to enjoy each other's company for now and try not to worry about the future for the time being. We really like each other and I'm happy with the way things are progressing :) I didn't realize dating somebody so much older than me could be so fun and rewarding!
 
It's been about a week since my original post and I'm happy to say that things are really good for right now. I'm having a great time with this guy and we've recently let things escalate to the bedroom :) I know the age difference between us could cause some issues down the road but it's hard to be worried about that when things are so wonderful right now.
 
I was the older guy. Eventually we decided to just be friends with benefits.
 
Tonywolfe61 said:
I was the older guy. Eventually we decided to just be friends with benefits.
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Regardless of your sexuality this type of intergenerational relationship makes the most sense to me. A 20 or 30yr age difference means you grew up in completely different times and your values will undoubtedly be quite different, not to mention the ways you like to spend your time other than with sex.
 
^ Not much the values as the interests. A young guy generally wants to do sport or things an older one can't/isn't prone to.
 
tarallucci said:
^ Not much the values as the interests. A young guy generally wants to do sport or things an older one can't/isn't prone to.
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This hasn't really been a problem for us yet. We're both relatively active people but both also appreciate staying in and enjoying each other's company, so for the time being our interests are relatively similar. I have to say though.... Sex-wise, I think it's the best I've ever had. It's got me wondering because I'm not sure it's necessarily about his experience, but more to do with the way I feel when I'm with him. He makes me feel crazy secure, and I've never had that in a relationship before. It really enhances the sex!
 
So, another question for you guys... My boyfriend is 51 and I know that he takes Cialis in order to keep up with our sex life, but he seems very shy about it and goes out of his way to hide from me the fact that he takes it. What's the best way to tell him that it doesn't bother me? I don't want to embarrass him. Should I just not say anything at all?
 
let it go. He'll tell you if he wants to talk about it. You coils drop a subtle hint like the next time you're watch tv and a conceptual comes on say something like "it's great they have meds for guys that need them or it wouldn't bother me if someone I was with needed them." Just something in general but I still think the best thing is to just let it be.

Steven
 
Thanks. I guess I'll leave it be for now but it makes me feel really bad that he feels like he has to hide it. I love him just the way he is.
 
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