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Dating sucks

  • Thread starter Thread starter balanced123
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balanced123

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I am a 20 year old who is really starting to hurt deep inside,

Every time I talk or look at other guys I'm attracted to they seem to tell me with their words or actions that I'm fat...atleast thats what I feel...

I know my frame is only medium, and at 6' 215pnd im completely normal...but all this is really hurting myself image

I have hoped through out my dating career that being a honest, nice, loving guy would be enough to attract the guys I'm attracted to but just because I dont have a 8 pack, I cant find love?

I don't want a relationship based on sex and body types....I just want a guy to find me attractive for the qualities that make me...me

:cry:
 
I'm actually more or less the same stats as you (6', 215lbs) and I often feel the same way.

You'll find them. Those kinds of guys aren't the kind you would want to be with anyway.
 
This is not the same example, but...I am an older guy and I find that trying to met another guy for a relationship is hard or nearly nonexistent!! Most guys I like want a gym bunny, or a younger guy with a 6 pack etc....you get the idea!

I gave up for a while after my bf dumped me last year. Four months afterwards, I was on a dating site and found my current bf! He does not care what my body looks like, in fact he thinks I am handsome and cute, while I think I am an average looking older man......

So yes, there is someone out there who will want to be with you for who you are. Your young @ 20 years old..you have plenty of time mate!
 
Gym bunnies are nice to look at, but I prefer a guy with a bit of meat on his bones. Don't worry, there are definately guys out there who prefer a normal man.
 
I agree with Dutchboy. Examine your own standards first. If you're only attracted to guys who are thin and in shape, then you can't be surprised if other people feel the same way.

Have you ever hit on a guy who's fatter or more out of shape than you are? If not, then you're being kind of hypocritical.

If you want to upgrade your category, go to the gym and lose weight. Otherwise, learn to settle for what you can get.

It's true that there are many reasons to be attracted to someone besides the way they look. But if you're turned off by somebody's looks, you're unlikely to get around to finding out the other good things about them.
 
There are definitely guys out there who would be interested in somebody with your dimensions. However, they're probably not the type who's going to come up to you at a bar or club (well maybe on bear night :). They're the type that will probably get to know you first and then want to move it on from there.

Also, you might want to consider improving your diet and exercising if you're not doing so already. Being 6 feet tall and weighing 215 lbs (BMI of 29.2) may be normal, but unless you have some sort of unusual circumstance like being a body builder, that's considered overweight (BMI between 25 and 29.9--184 to 220 lbs for somebody your height) and very close to being considered obese (BMI over 30--over 221 lbs).
 
slobone said:
I agree with Dutchboy. Examine your own standards first. If you're only attracted to guys who are thin and in shape, then you can't be surprised if other people feel the same way.

Have you ever hit on a guy who's fatter or more out of shape than you are? If not, then you're being kind of hypocritical.

If you want to upgrade your category, go to the gym and lose weight. Otherwise, learn to settle for what you can get.

It's true that there are many reasons to be attracted to someone besides the way they look. But if you're turned off by somebody's looks, you're unlikely to get around to finding out the other good things about them.
Click to expand...


I agree too. If you can't be with someone who's not physically attractive to you, then why should you expect hotter guys to be?

This is what I said to a guy that wanted to be my boyfriend, but he was out of shape, after he told me I was so hot FIRST and then started talking about my personality:

"I make an effort to look the way I do. I eat properly and I exercise regularly. If you went out with me, how is it fair to me that YOU get someone who's in shape and attractive, but I get someone who's not? I make the effort, so should you. Otherwise, you should be content with guys with the same body as yours."
 
dating sucks gay or sraight


the gym is a good idea anyway for health reasons and it is a great place to meet people and the vast majority of people who work out are average - group classes and the sauna/steam room can't be beat as a place for making friends
 
I agree with my World of WarCraft buddy, Mindblast.

Don't base your standards of finding a guy on the models you see on billboards. You should find a guy who is at the same level of attraction as you feel comfortable with regarding yourself. Even if you find a gorgeous guy who will want and appreciate you, you may psyche yourself out that they are going to leave you at any time because you have such a low self-esteem about your body. That alone, can ruin a relationship.

If you're comfortable with your size, then find like-minded individuals. If you want to "compete" and look like the guys you want so you can "fit in," then start building your body into shape. At 6' 215 pounds, you can develop a very nice, hunky body if you make the effort.
 
I calculated your BMI. For a 20 year old 6' guy weighing 215 lbs, it is 29.2.

Ideal is 24.

So the healthy weight range for you is from 136.4-183.6 lbs depending on your frame and amount of muscle you have.

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just trying to say that if you're fat, stop whining about why guys don't like you and do something about it. And don't be stupid and go into depression or start throwing up after meals because you realised that you really are over weight. Be smart, start jogging or something. Eat healthy. Take care of yourself. And don't turn into the same kind of people who turned you down because of your weight.
 
Lots of good advice here...

I would definitely reiterate the fact that confidence is seriously everything. If someone doesn't like you b/c you're "fat," then why would you want to be with them anyway? They don't deserve you!

Take care of yourself first and foremost. Learn to love yourself and stop complaining about guys who are superficial and shallow. Don't even give them a second thought - you're just wasting your time. Seriously.
 
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