Dating - Where to start?

[exceeder]

Hey all, though I've lurked these forums for a while, I've only just now decided to register.

Anyways, onwards to my question on dating.

So I'm 21, have been out since I was 18, and am living in Toronto. Almost immediatly upon coming out, I spent much of the second half of my first year in university hooking up and messing around with guys (ether friends or meeting guys at clubs). However, by summer time I came to realise that I never got any emotional satisfaction from just casual sex, and it just felt a little empty and unfulfilling, so I slowly began to stop hooking up, and quite litterally haven't done anything remotely sexual with anyone since around when I turned 20, so for over a year now.

My attitude towards relationships kind of shifted during that time, as I was quite litterally uninterested in dating, relationships or hooking up. On the few occasions were I did meet gay guys, and ones who were interested in me, I would just turn them down without a thought, and would spend most of my time hanging out with my straight guy friends.

Recently though, I've had a bit of an itch to give the gay scene a 'second chance' I suppose, and want to try dating (something I've never done before). Although I am definitly not a desperate person, I could feel perfectly complete and happy if I were to never meet 'mr right' and stayed single for the rest of my life, I still wish to give dating a try.

Now that I've gotten all my background details out of the way, I was wondering, how does one approach 'gay dating'? I mean, how does one 'start dating'? Its a bit of a vague question, but from my personal experience, I've found that going to gay clubs has only caused me to be approached by guys wanting to mess around, or who just came on frighteningly too strong. Same thing for websites like gay.com where people would demand my number, want sex, or pay for sex...

I'm generally a very relaxed person and am generally not shy socially, at least not in the 'straight' world anyway.

I don't know if I've given enough background or a clear question, but hopefully its enough to get some suggestions.

 

[somerandomguy07]

It's simple: you meet a guy you're interested in, find out he's interested in you; you start talking; and hit it off from there

 

[exceeder]

It's simple: you meet a guy you're interested in, find out he's interested in you; you start talking; and hit it off from there

I guess I should have been more specific. Rather, where does one meet guys? As in, guys who aren't just interested in casual sex like at clubs (which has been my main dillemma in the queer world)?

 

[exceeder]

Join an activity organization in those activities or sports you are interested in. It won't happen on the net - very unlikely. You have to get out there and be a joiner in something you enjoy doing. Toronto is a big city - there must be any number of groups you can join.

Real time means off line!

This! Find a local group to join. Clubs, pubs and the net appear to be designed almost exclusively for hook ups and one night stands.

Think about what your hobbies are, or if you don't have any, think of something you'd like to do or learn more about and look around for a Gay group that does it. A friend of mine went to a gay cooking class once cause he wanted to learn how to make proper Thai food. He still can't cook - lol - but he met his partner there and they've been together about 6 years now.

Another friend decided to try Yoga which we all thought was odd, seeing as all he did was smoke weed. He went to yoga, ended up getting off the weed, and meeting a guy who was on the mat next to him, they struck up a conversation one evening and went to have a coffee. They've been together ever since and that's about 3 years I guess.

Getting yourself out there isn't necessarily easy, but it's the only way to do it.

Good luck and keep us posted

Alrighty, this is sound and good advice!! Haha, guess I will have to look into some lgbt sports groups! Thanks alot for the help

I'll report back to say how it goes~

 

[Callum]

Pffft. The guys in the UofT gay club are uh... Avoid it.

Online dating does work. It just requires a lot of patience...it also requires you to delete a lot of the "let's hook up" e-mails. I wouldn't recommend it though since you can meet guys through clubs or just simple social networking.

 

[exceeder]

Pffft. The guys in the UofT gay club are uh... Avoid it.

Online dating does work. It just requires a lot of patience...it also requires you to delete a lot of the "let's hook up" e-mails. I wouldn't recommend it though since you can meet guys through clubs or just simple social networking.

Haha, you go to UofT? Lol, ive been to an event of their lgbtout club once.. I'm not gonna comment ether way... but I guess its just not really my 'scene'...if the term 'scene' applies in this case :S

 

[Callum]

I did...for a year. Turns out the environment is not for me. I don't want to be in a school like UofT.

And yeah steer clear from those folk.

 

[ucfknight12]

I know you may not want to do online dating, but if you decide to try okcupid.com, its for all genders and orientations, I have found some really cool friends through it

 

[StakeMe]

I'm in toronto and I use plentyoffish.com, lots of guys looking for dates!
I've been on more than a few dates, none that have turned into to anything really but i feel good about getting myself out there and meeting people. You should give it a try

 

[exceeder]

Haha, alright, thanks again for all the advice and tips guys