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Dealing With His Bisexuality

3nipples

3nipples

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Maybe you're threatened by the idea that his gay phase could come to an end.
 
Well, I think as a bisexual, the way he looks at girls would be the same way he looks at girls. To him, it doesn't matter what sex the person is, either way, he finds them hot. So if you're not offended when he looks at other guys, you should have nothing to worry about when he looks at girls.

However, you may just be afraid that what you can give that other guys can't is not the same as what you can't give that a girl could. Erm, that seems complicated. Basically, you may feel like you can't compete with a girl.

But just remember that he's with you for a reason, not her or him.

If it bothers you, it seems like a really important thing to bring up with him. You have issues with his bisexuality, and he need to know before it festers and comes off in a way that's something you don't mean.
 
You're probably afraid he's one of those bisexual cheaters and liars.
 
Hi daydreams,

I had to delete a message posted in this thread because it suggested you post this in the bisexual forum, which is incorrect. The bisexual forum is in the "naughty bits" part of this website and designed for bisexual PORN. This is the proper area for this thread, and in a No Flame Zone.

As for your quandry, his looking at beautiful women is a threat because you cannot compete and because it is tapping into a deep-seated fear you have with him anyway: That he will eventually find his attractions stronger for women (or a particular woman) than for you. His looking at men doesn't bother you because at least it reinforces to you his gay side, which is probably assuring.

The only way to be comfortable is to keep the communication open with him and getting him to be honest with you about his feelings. If your relationship keeps going, you'll feel more comfortable and stable as time goes on. But, I'd follow up on his wandering eye and/or comments. You deserve to know where you stand.
 
I think the reason might be the same as others stated before but with a few differences. The possibility of him leaving you for another guy is acceptable to you because that way you would still know everything you had toghether was real even though it ended.

On the other hand, if he leaves you for a girl, it could mean that the time you've spent toghether was just an experience to him that turned out wrong... therefore not meaning to him the same as it meant to you.

I understand what you're trying to say and I think it's totaly normal to feel that way. Just keep conversation open between you and everything will be ok.

And have a nice relationship!
 
why not just talk to him about it?

he's not doing anything wrong, do don't talk to him from the standpoint that he's has, but I don't think theres anything wrong without talking about how you feel.

honesty is always good.
 
Quite honestly, if you choose to date a guy who likes both men and women, your'e going to have to get used to him looking at women.

Yes, it's a hurdle that any gay man who dates bi men is going to have to get over.

(I can't, never will, don't want to try and for that reason decline to date bi men.)
 
It's part of his sexuality. What a double standard it is to be cool with him thinking another guy is hot but becoming jealous if he finds a girl attractive.

Is he faithful to you? Do you have any reason to be suspicious? Perhaps you may be the one with issues when it comes to bisexual relationships.
 
No, No JustBelieve... I understand.

When the guy is looking at other guys, he can relate and join in. Guy watching together is something that gay couples can do.

When he's looking at a girl.... well, it reminds him that his relationship is a whole lot less stable. There are about 10 times more availalbe, straight women than gay men (and even more when you consider how many gay men won't go near bi men).

Society pushes gay men into having relationships with women.

Then you have the problem that bi men tend to go back and forth between liking men and women... so when the guy is checking out girls, it's a reminder that one day his BF might not want him at all.

Don't blame him because of his boyfriend's issues. I'd be just as uneasy.
 
My bf is bi as well, just keep the lines of communication open and remember, they can look but you're the only one that gets to play
 
^ Ditto :)

Beardedwoof is soo mature for his young years, I totally dig him ;)
 
Well don't stay with or break up with him on MY say so.

(I mean I AM the great and powerful Soil, but I'm not omnipotent)

I know that I'd not ever be able to ever be full comfortable dating a bi guy. It's my neurosis and I'm sure that bisexual men are perfectly capable of carrying on long-term relationships with gay men. (I've just never seen in happen)

That being said, if you can't be fully comfortable in your choice of mates... it's best to move on to let both of you find someone who can fulfill the other's needs.
 
daydreams99 said:
I have thought whether I see his attraction to girls as a threat, but that doesn't seem to be so ( I could be fooling myself of course ). The problem, I feel, is that I can't 'connect' to him fully, so to speak. I don't feel threatened, it's that there's a part of him which is alien to me.
Click to expand...

and

daydreams99 said:
The problem is that there's a part in him that I can't relate to. It's not a problem of thinking that he's going to cheat on me. So I think it's better to be just friends with him than trying to create a relationship.
Click to expand...

I'll offer the suggestion that this may be something to get over. Think of all the straight people who are somehow able to deal with the fact that their girlfriends and wives are interested in men ('gasp! I can't fully relate to my wife!') Then there are the non-sexual ways in which this guy may be different from you. He'll still be compatible and similar in other ways, and the question then is how the sum of his qualities (weighted by your priorities) measures up.

All that said, if this guy checks out girls in your presence, it says something about him and the efforts he's willing to make to accomodate you. To me it shows some lack of respect or sensitivity. That's why I would have issues with this guy.
 
daydreams99 said:
I only get upset when he finds girls to be hot, I don't feel upset if he thought a guy was hot.
Click to expand...

Maybe it relates to this:

Do you feel it would feel worse if he leaves you for a girl than if he leaves you for a guy, cuz a girl can give him something you can't and therefor you would feel powerless about it cuz you can't compete with a girl but you can with a guy?
 
RRRalph said:
Maybe it relates to this:

Do you feel it would feel worse if he leaves you for a girl than if he leaves you for a guy, cuz a girl can give him something you can't and therefor you would feel powerless about it cuz you can't compete with a girl but you can with a guy?
Click to expand...

That pretty much sums it up the gay fear about bis. At least that applies to me, and I´m bi. #-o
 
My theory is regardless of your partner leaving for someone else, it still hurts like hell
 
bi guys don't get that gay men get it.

We know that no matter how much you want to be with us, deep down you know life would be a lot easier if you were straight. Mom and Dad would be a lot happeir, you could have kids without jumping through thousands of dollars of legal hoops, you could go to PTA meetings without being looked at strangely by the other parents, you could get the family rate everywhere.. not just the places nice enough to offer it.

It's not just society that gives straight people favoured treatment, it's the law, too. Medical benefits, family tax breaks, legal next-of-kin status, power of attorney... sure, gay couples can jump through MORE expensive legal hoops to get some of those rights, but we can only get some of those rights that married couples get.. not even close to all of them.

We know that there's always the danger that one day you'll tell us that you're sick and tired of being a legal lower class and that you want to have a "normal" life.... and leave us not only heart broken but remind us that even to you, we're freaks.

It's not just "I can't compete with women" that we're worried about... it's that we can't compete with the rest of the world.
 
Soilwork said:
bi guys don't get that gay men get it.

We know that no matter how much you want to be with us, deep down you know life would be a lot easier if you were straight. Mom and Dad would be a lot happeir, you could have kids without jumping through thousands of dollars of legal hoops, you could go to PTA meetings without being looked at strangely by the other parents, you could get the family rate everywhere.. not just the places nice enough to offer it.

It's not just society that gives straight people favoured treatment, it's the law, too. Medical benefits, family tax breaks, legal next-of-kin status, power of attorney... sure, gay couples can jump through MORE expensive legal hoops to get some of those rights, but we can only get some of those rights that married couples get.. not even close to all of them.

We know that there's always the danger that one day you'll tell us that you're sick and tired of being a legal lower class and that you want to have a "normal" life.... and leave us not only heart broken but remind us that even to you, we're freaks.

It's not just "I can't compete with women" that we're worried about... it's that we can't compete with the rest of the world.
Click to expand...

oh god you just SCREAM issues! Get some therapy dude! It's obvious that you have issues with being gay and with bisexuals.

This is why I prefer dating and having relationships with bisexual men rather than some gay men since most bi men have less drama, are more comfortable with their sexuality, and don't have baggage about their sexuality like what I just quoted.
 
is obvious? And what are those obvious issues?

I'm just curious.

and wait.... I'm not allowed to prefer to date gay men but it's totally OK for you to prefer to date bi men?

How come I'm the only one with issues?

And WHY are you posting in every thread that I've ever posted in tonight?
 
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