Debilitating problem with social\sexual anxiety

[dolphingunblade]

Wanted to see if anyone else has experienced the same problem as me.

To begin I’m able to talk to people normally, go to school, go to work ect ect with absolutely no problem what so ever, I can also talk to people online about sexual stuff pretty fine, like rping, talking about sexual acts ect. But the second it turns into anything related to meeting in real life I immediately get severe social anxiety, nausea, shaking, fast breathing ect.

I don’t know why, I want to meet people but whenever I try to take a step to try I seize up, it’s gotten to the point that I’ve had to call off meeting people I’ve been able to talk with for weeks and not have any problems until the subject and offer to meet, the closer it got to the meeting time the sicker I felt, to the point I threw up multiple times and had to call it off. And the one time I tried forcing myself to get over it by just going through with the meet up left me sick for at least a week, 7 days of constant severe nausea, unable to lie down without shaking, unable to eat or keep food down.

I’ve tried easing into it but I never seem to get any better, I don’t have any history of abuse or anything to make me adverse to the subject. I just don’t understand why I suddenly and irrationally react to something I’m actively trying to engage in. I can’t help but feel frustrated about not being able to do something as simple as meet another human being in person, what’s suppose to be one of the simplest\ easy thing to do.

Does anyone else have this problem? Or anything similar?

 

[Benvolio]

When you say the problem is with "meeting" people are you talking about having sex, or just meeting for conversation, etc? If possible, I suggest professional counseling, but of course that is expensive.
Have you tried to analyze your feelings. Are you afraid of rejection? Sexual failure?
Have you tried going to bars? Alcohol is famous for relieving inhibitions. You probably will not meet anyone unless it happens quickly as someone sits down next to you. No time to be nervous. It will not lead to sex unless you want it to and perhaps not then.

 

[RaKroma]

You are describing severe form of anxiety if these experiences leave you feeling sick for a week etc.. Is this anxiety triggered only in the context of hooking up? Do you go out to gay bars to just socialize or that too triggers attacks? How comfortable are you with your body image? What is the worst fear in your mind that could happen during a meet up?

 

[Howlly]

I used to be similar, maybe not quite so severe but close. I have managed to meet people online, not for sex but even just as friends or potential partners. Three times I was brought to tears, but did end up meeting them, three people I couldn't even go through with it and I met my current boyfriend of 2 and a half years online and didn't eat for two days before meeting him.

I found alcohol helps, lol. You just need to push past the barrier and once you do and you're sat there with someone you don't have a choice. I've had all the same stuff as you with it, and have a history of anxiety but it's just about pushing past it.

I think it has something to do with how the people will perceive me, whether in looks or personality. Everyone knows people look different n pictures because you naturally pose and typing online is different to speaking. I found that with the three peoe I couldn't meet that they liked me so much, moreso than I liked them, that I didn't want to disappoint them.

 

[evanrick]

you could see a therapist but id want to know if there is a source of your anxiety.

 

[mark1281]

I have some problems with social anxiety myself, though not quite to the severity as you went it comes to the physiological effects of it. I would think if you can seeking professional help would be best. They might be able to help you find the root cause, and there are potentially medications to help depending on what the cause is. I wouldn't recommend alcohol as a solution though like someone mentioned. People with social anxiety are statistically at a higher risk of becoming dependent on drugs or alcohol. If you started drinking and found it helps you could easily become dependent on it. Maybe you should just take it slow and not rush to meet someone from online. Do you have problems meeting new people in person? Like going out somewhere and talking to people. If you do maybe start with that... try to go out and do small things in the direction you want to go. Then do more as you become more comfortable.

Good luck dude!

 

[SmileForMe]

I do too. I mean the only times I've ever done anything remotely sexual I had consumed a large amount of alcohol.
It isn't as bad as you with the puking and everything, but I do feel nervous and shy so I always end up changing the subject or making something up. Unless of course, I drank! haha. I may not have had a good childhood but I don't think it has anything to do with this.

 

[MorrisseyX]

I have social anxiety but not the same extent as the OP. I try my best to avoid social situations with other people. I have a hard time being around other gay men. I tried to be part of a gay group until January of this year but I quit I just didn't feel like I belonged.

I don't like gay bars I haven't been to a gay bar in over two years I just feel out of place in those social gay establishments. I do notice that I avoid having a connection to someone or really interacting with people.

I haven't been on a date in almost two years with someone just too much anxiety about it.

I rarely meet people online for hook ups but I do go to the bathhouse. It might seem odd but at the bathhouse I feel like nobody knows who I am and I don't have to talk to the other guy. He doesn't need to know my name I can simply slip my dick through the glory hole and someone can suck me off. So although at the bathhouse I am technically around people I am not interacting with them. I am on my own and my sexual needs are met.

But I do feel a sense of loneliness because I am not connecting with people so I definitely see what the OP is saying.

 

[bankside]

It's not natural for a lot of people to meet strangers for sex. Sex is the ultimate personal connection. Try not to divide the world into "People you're happy to talk to" and then totally separate "People you want to have sex with."

Hook-ups don't actually work for a lot of people. It is probably better to get to know someone, get to trust them, and see if that makes it any easier to let your guard down before jumping straight to sex.