Did my recently HIV+ partner cheat on me?

[LotsofQs]

I guess I have some questions about HIV and incubation period, etc. I hope I can get some good answers on here because all I have now are lots of questions.

The short version of the story is that my partner of 14 months received a positive test result for HIV about 2 weeks ago (blood test, at a doctor's office... after becoming sick with HIV related illnesses). I did a Home Access mail in anonymous blood test shortly after, and tested negative. I plan to follow up with a blood test at a doctor's office tomorrow to confirm. I top, he bottoms. We have always had unprotected sex, both believing the other to be negative. We have been having sex for over 2 years, but lived across the country from each other until he moved in with me when we got into a relationship 14 months ago. We haven't had sex in basically 3 months due to at first, my view of a deteriorating relationship and desire not to send mixed messages... and later, his illness.

He claims he has been monogamous since he moved here. I am on the fence as to whether to believe him or not, as there is circumstantial evidence in either direction in my opinion.

What doesn't make sense to me is that if he is monogamous as he claims he has been since moving in with me 14 months ago, how could HIV just show up?? Can the incubation period take that long? He first got sick in late March, early April and it was treated as a throat infection. In early June at the doctor's office, after being exhausted, basically bed-ridden, lots of coughing, loss of 30lbs (160 was his normal weight, he went down to 130 -- on a 6'4" frame -- so basically he went from being skinny to a skeleton), night sweats, and "thrush" (the doctor said it was the worst thrush he had seen). All of these are acute HIV symptoms.

He is now doing a lot better since testing HIV+ and getting strong medication to cure the thrush, bacteria in his lungs etc, but is still not 100%.

I have been as helpful as supportive as I can be while working full-time, and attending to his needs (housework, making food, grocery shopping, etc) when not working.

I guess my question is, does it really make sense that, as he claims to me, he must have contracted HIV before moving in with me (so over 14 months) ago... and have no sign of it until about a year later?

Thanks in advance..

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

To answer your question without losing the details of the foreshadow, the incubation time for an HIV antibody varies anywhere from 30 days to 3 months, and in that time an antibody would show up with his infection.

Suffice to say, he's not being honest, as the so called "HIV-warning" of different illnesses don't just pop up out of nowhere; he'd have to have been infected in that time period listed above.

You should get tested again at a local clinic... and not just for HIV, for syphilis and TB as well(I say this because thrush - a fungal infection - can be consistent with syphilis/HIV co-infection, and the prominent wasting and coughing can be from TB/HIV co-infection).

 

[KLTboy]

No. I believe he was either lying to you about his status or cheated on you.

 

[looseliam]

I see one of two things:

1) he's never been tested and lied about testing negative
2) he had sex with someone positive and brought the bug home.

We know #2 is correct. We don't know if it happened in the last 14 months.

Like MoufOfKhaos said, get yourself to a health clinic or your physician and tell them your partner is positive and give them all the information you have - his symptoms, diagnosis, etc. Have blood drawn and a more-thorough test.

 

[bankside]

You both believed each other to be negative. When you made that decision, had he ever claimed to have tested negative?

I don't know how your relationship started.
If he
got infected immediately before knowing you,
then met you,
then got tested because it looked like your relationship could go in a sexual direction
then told you he had a negative test...

then it is totally possible that the test was negative. It could have missed an infection he got right before he met you and he could have been giving you an honest test result.

If so then you've just been very very lucky to not be infected. And you're with someone who just got very very unlucky, but he was trying to do the right thing.

Or, did you both just assume you had no infections without really knowing? In which case you still got very lucky, and he didn't, and your story is just a tragic example of the need to actually find out by having a test.

But, if he told you he got a negative test before you started being sexual together, and that there was no one else before you for six months, then his story just doesn't add up and my guess would be he has been deceiving you.

 

[KaraBulut]

I guess my question is, does it really make sense that, as he claims to me, he must have contracted HIV before moving in with me (so over 14 months) ago... and have no sign of it until about a year later?

It is very likely that he was infected before moving in with you.

In studying the progression of HIV infection, there are several categories of people with different progression of the disease.

Only a very small percentage of people are considered to be "rapid progressors". Those are people who are infected and develop AIDS in the first few months or less than 1 year after infection.

The studies that were done back in the 1980s determined that the typical period of progression from HIV infection to full blown AIDS varied from 3 years to 12 years. About 50% of individuals developed AIDS within 10 years of infection.

HIV is a very slowly progressing disease. You don't mention how old the two of you are but the chances are very good that your boyfriend has been infected with HIV for years and has only now developed the full progression of the infection to AIDS.

 

[LotsofQs]

To answer a couple questions that arose...

-We didn't discuss things a whole lot before starting to have unprotected sex (he moved in almost a year after we first had sex), beyond that we were both negative.
-He claims he was tested and Neg in March '10 (moved in with me in April '10). I stopped getting tested after he moved in, my last test was Jan '10, which was negative. I don't believe him that he was actually tested in March '10... I think he was just trying to seem responsible?!
-Ages... I'm 31, he is 25
-I have had 2 tests now, both negative. The first was a Home Access mail in on 6-14-2011 and the result was negative. I then had another test a couple days ago (6-23-2011) - OrqQuick (?) which they said was just as accurate as a full blood test. I told them my partner had recently tested positive and was sick. It was a swab test. It was also negative.

To reiterate from my first post and speak to the "luck" factor... maybe I was saved in part from a deteriorating relationship? It was coincidental that shortly before his symptoms started flaring up, I basically ceased sexual contact with him... The relationship was not doing well, and I thought that confused things if I was going to work toward breaking up, transition him to moving out etc.

It seems like the consensus is that is very unlikely that given the circumstances of his symptoms and positive test result in June '11 and HIV related symptoms (night sweats, 20% body weight loss - 30 lbs, thrush, fatigue etc.) in April '11 - June '11... that he was infected prior to April '10. Any medical opinion on this in the forum?

 

[bankside]

If he tested negative in March 2010 then it is very unlikely he had HIV before September 2009. If he got HIV during or after September 2009 it would be during the time you were together?

And that's my general knowledge understanding of the "window period" where HIV testing may miss the presence of any antibodies.

But regardless of that, if it seems likely to you that he just lied about getting tested to seem responsible, then that should be the end of your trust in him.

I'm sorry about the situation. If you got tested more than thirty days since you last had sex, it is probably the final status, but for peace of mind you should get tested again at the 6 month point.

 

[KaraBulut]

It seems like the consensus is that is very unlikely that given the circumstances of his symptoms and positive test result in June '11 and HIV related symptoms (night sweats, 20% body weight loss - 30 lbs, thrush, fatigue etc.) in April '11 - June '11... that he was infected prior to April '10. Any medical opinion on this in the forum?

The studies that were done back in the 1980s determined that the typical period of progression from HIV infection to full blown AIDS varied from 3 years to 12 years. About 50% of individuals developed AIDS within 10 years of infection.

HIV is a very slowly progressing disease. You don't mention how old the two of you are but the chances are very good that your boyfriend has been infected with HIV for years and has only now developed the full progression of the infection to AIDS.

Put another way, if your boyfriend has been diagnosed with AIDS in 2011, then he was probably infected prior to 2008.

He lied to you about his HIV test in 2010.

 

[mbamike]

It takes about six weeks for HIV antibodies to appear in a HIV test. If he was within the six-week window when he tested in March 2010, then that test would show a false negative.

 

[RaKroma]

If I were you, I'd retest in 3-4 months from your June 23rd test to be 100% confident. Takes 3 months for antibodies to develop completely for these tests to pick up in all potential infected people.

I think a good lesson from this story, and many like it, for everyone of us is to:
1) NEVER trust a verbal confirmation of "I tested negative." Always ask to see last HIV test paperwork with their name on it. (It's awkward, it looks like you don't trust your bf, but your health is most important than hurt feelings of others.)
2) If you decide to bareback then first always take 2 HIV tests before you toss those condoms away. Get tested--turns negative, wait 3-4 months then test again--turns negative: now you're 'safe' to bareback.
3) Issue of trust is complex. Even after all testing and retesting, if you have a cheating bf who is a convincing lair, then he can catch HIV the day after you both tested negative and infect you down the road.

 

[Nice Boy]

I don't want to frighten you LotsofQs but I agree with KaraBulut.

Although I'm not a medical doctor, from my extensive reading on HIV/AIDS, it seems your partner has AIDS which is in fact terminal stage of HIV infection (AIDS). Symptoms fit - serious thrush and about 18% weight loss. So I think he lied to you which is totally unacceptable especially if it concerns such a serious issue as HIV... And as KaraBulut wrote, it takes usually at least 3 years to get AIDS.

Take care and repeat the tests as RaKroma suggested. I wish you all the best and inform us how it turned out...

 

[JayQueer]

I disagree with "NiceBoy" and "KaraBulut".

From what you told us, we can't be certain whether your boyfriend was recently infected (in the last few months) or has had HIV for several or more years. It would be helpful to know his T-cell count & viral load (both of which can be found from a blood test).

A lot of the symptoms you described -- sore throat, thrush, night sweats, short-term rapid weight loss, cough, flu-like symptoms -- are synonymous with what is called the "Acute Retroviral Syndrome" (ARS) which occurs approximately anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks in most people who are newly infected with HIV. It is during this period that people begin to seroconvert from HIV negative to HIV positive. If he had flu-like symptoms beginning in late March, it is possible that if the symptoms were part of ARS -- he was infected perhaps in around late February to mid March of this year. If so, he would have converted to HIV positive (HIV antibodies present) after about early April of this year.

The symptoms you described could be seen in late stage HIV infection (AIDS). AIDS is defined as an T-cell count of less than 200. Depending on how low his T-cell counts are, he is susceptible to getting practically any opportunistic infection under the sun. This includes various forms of pneumonias, thrush, shingles, herpes, etc. Late stage HIV is also associated with severe weight loss, Kaposi sarcoma [a specific kind of skin cancer], and dementia/ brain damage (called AIDS dementia complex).

HIV attacks the immune system, and T-cells are the "army" of the immune system that helps fight off infection & disease. HIV kills off the T-cells, rendering the body defenseless against infection by viruses, bacteria, mold, etc. An average HIV negative person has about 1000 T-cells. During the initial stage of HIV infection (ARS), the T-cells are rapidly killed off by HIV and decline to about 500, on average. From that point, it's a battle between the body & the HIV virus, as the body struggles to make more T-cells, as the virus destroys them. Eventually (without any medication), the HIV virus ultimately wins and the T cells drop even further. When the T-cell count drops below 200, the person now is classified as having "AIDS" and has a weak-to-nonexistent immune system.

Anyway, I've written far more than I thought I would -- but essentially, it is not clear from what you've told us what "stage" of HIV infection/progression that your boyfriend is experiencing.

What is almost certain is that your boyfriend probably contracted HIV from someone else (if you are still negative, and he is now positive). So, yes, there was likely some infidelity on his part. You mentioned that he is the "bottom." Guys who bottom are at a higher risk for contracting HIV than those who top (although you can certainly get HIV from topping as well).

There is a small possibility that your boyfriend contracted HIV from sharing needles. Has your boyfriend ever used needles to inject himself with medication or recreational drugs? Does your boyfriend work at a job where he might accidentally have stuck himself with contaminated blood (like being a nurse, paramedic, etc.)?

 

[genthree]

The process of seroconversion - the production of antibodies in the blood to fight the infection - occurs in a period ranging from a number of weeks to a number of months.
The process of seroconversion can result in night sweats and a few other symptons, I think he must have been through this and has now progressed to fully blown AIDS.
Seroconversion does not normally result in such weight loss, of course individual situations can vary though.
He may be telling you the truth because you can be positive for quite a while before the onset of fully blown AIDS.
There is just one issue here now and that is your status. I am negative but there is a lot more to my story, I wish you all the best.