Did somthing i feel horrible about and need some advice

[NewUser2012]

Hey, i have no one to talk to really and i just need some advice on how to handle something i got myself into

ill start at the beginning, I heard about the site Omegle and went on there with no intentions, i was just bored and lonely and wanted to talk to someone. all i found on the site was guys who were horny looking for girls, every time i wrote that i was male, the conversation ended.
i remembered a blog where a guy pretended to be a girl to talk to guys and eventually get pictures, for some reason i thought this would be a good idea...
I found a couple pictures of a girl posted online and i did this a few times, talking to them on Kik, and trading pictures. after talking to them for a night, mostly them, getting off, i would block them so they couldn't talk to me again. i felt it was one time, what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.
i did this for 3 nights, the last night i met a guy (call him guy #1) who just wanted to talk, we didn't trade pictures and he said he was going to bed and we would talk later. after him i met another guy, we talked and eventually traded pictures, when i saw him i was really attracted to him, and i felt bad, and after trading a couple pictures i told him that i was going to bed. when i woke up the next morning i saw that he had sent a couple more pictures of himself. i was going to say that was it and block him, but i just couldn't. later that night he messaged me again and the week to follow, i made up some excuse that i couldn't take pics because i was staying at my friends house and couldn't do it, but that didn't stop him, i never asked for any, he just sent them. besides sending pics we would talk, saying up till 6am talking, just about stuff. i found myself really looking forward to talking to him, and that's when i knew i had a problem. but i let it get worse.
on Saturday we talked in the day, and said we were both going out and would talk later that night, he messaged me and started talking dirty and wanted pics, i stopped talking to him at that point, and he apologized and said he was sorry to ask for pics because he knew i was at my friends house and couldn't take any, so we just were talking, and then he said it, he told me he loved me.
and i of course said i did too, cause im stupid.
and now im stuck, he wakes up and sends me messages that he's thinking of me and he loves me. and im devastated, i feel like shit, horrible, that i played with someone's emotions, lied to him. it really breaks my heart, that i did something so stupid and mean to someone who really is nice and sweet.
i literally cant think about anything else, was in bed all day thinking about where do i go from here.
i really don't need anyone to tell me how mean, and horrible what i did was, my heart is heavy and im on the verge of tears all day. i have no one to talk to about this, and im so ashamed about this situation. i just wish i could go back and never have done it, i don't even need to pretend to be someone else, its not like im unattractive or unsocial, i was just bored and lonely in that situation.
ive been going over my options, one of them is NOT continuing this, i cant do it anymore, i cant hurt him anymore.
i can either come clean and tell him the truth, and he feels gross and disgusting that he's been sending pictures to a guy and he said he's in love with a guy, he hates me and yells at me and makes me feel even worse, as i probably should.
or, i just don't respond to him, block him, and he feels sad because he didn't know what he did wrong, either way everyone involved gets hurt. and i hate that. if i could be the only one getting hurt id be so fine with that.

sorry this is long and messy, and thanks to anyone who read this. im looking for some advice.

oh, and guy #1, who i don't send pics to, also said he loves me. i swear thinking i could do what that blog guy does, was so stupid. i thought i could do it, but i guess i cant, it hurts too much to play with people's emotions. things just snowballed too much, out of control.
and also, i don't go back on that site, i haven't since i met the two guys, and i wont be going back on there, or pretending to be someone im not.

 

[Rolyo85]

First of all, why the hell would you go to a site for straight people when there are tons of places for gay guys readily available to you? This is unhealthy.

Second, cut off all communication with any people you might have been talking with. Delete your profile and never return to this site.

Yes, it will hurt them for a bit, and then they'll move on. It's not like you've established some deep meaningful connection over a week. What were you thinking to begin with? Why not go out and meet real people who are actually interested in guys? But all that aside, you aren't in any real trouble. You've been leading guys on, being kind of a dick and now you feel shitty. Move on, forget about it and don't go back to flirting with straight guys...

Honestly, some people...

 

[Ganoderma]

hi NewUser2012,

First of all, welcome to J U B and good you have made this posting. Feel free to ask as much questions as you like.

I agree with #1 that you must delete your profile at this site, and tdon't talk anymore to these guys. You have hurt them, but they will grow over it.

There are lots and lots of similar sites for bi and gay guys, so better create a profile on these sites and start chatting with these guys.

How old are you? How old were these guys you were talking with? Apparenly, you are closeted? Would you mind to tell us abit more about your background? No need to do when you don't like it. People over here can give you better advice when we have some sort of idea about your background.

Best wishes & take care.

 

[NewUser2012]

hey, Ganoderma, im 24 the guy im talking to is 22.

thanks for the replies. i honestly didn't know that Omegle was just for straight people. i understand that it is unhealthy. i have used Manhunt, but i didn't like it, im not out, and am not looking to be as of right now, ive never been with a guy in anyway and i would just like to talk, on Manhunt everyone wants to meet up right away. im not looking to come out or meet up, or to be in a relationship, i don't want that, i just wanted to talk and see where that lead.
im not asking for you to understand my situation, it actually confuses me too. it always sounds so easy for people to give advice to go out and meet people and hook up with guys. for me it is not. i don't live in a town where i know any gay guys, i don't know any people who are gay. im not trying to get advice on my life, i just need help with this situation, some advice. i know i messed up, it must be so great to be perfect and not make mistakes.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi NewUser2012,

Thanks for your quick and friendly reply. I have never heard about Omegle, so I have no idea what kind of people are on this site. Thanks as well for the additional information, as I understand that you just like to have some online internet friends to talk with. Well, there are alot of them over here on J U B, and alot of them are around your age. So I would like to give you the advice to make contacts with guys over here. Some of them are -still- in the closet, others not, and its up to you what kind of contact you make with them.

You are right that you messed it up, but that also 'part of the deal' of internet dating. So be prepared that such kind of things might also happen with you when you have online contacts with all kind of people. Sometimes, they seem suddenly to be disappeared.

Do you have straight friends? Do you have experience with girls / have you experience with dating girls? Be aware that girls in your town will start to wonder why you never ever (?) have a girlfriend, and start wondering why you never ever (am I right?) react when they flirt with you. So be prepared that you are less deep in the closet then you might think.

Just see it as some sort of experience how it was to have this kind of online contact with guys. You seem to be an honest guy, so please be honest to other guys when you chat with them.

May I ask why it is a problem in your town when it becomes aware that you won't get married with a girl, and what's the reason for that (= you are gay, and you prefer guys). Definately, there are gays living over there. They are unable to find you, as you are hiding yourself for them.

Feel free to react and/or to ask for more advice.

I would like to wish you good luck & take care.

Best wishes.

 

[NewUser2012]

Hey

when you say about talking to guys on here, and how it would feel if someone just stopped talking to me, i had completely forgot, that did happen to me. ive been a user on here for about 5 years, i just changed my username to ask for this advice because i felt ashamed. anyways, there was a kid who said he was straight and married and wanted to talk, text back and forth with a guy, and we started something, just talking about what he wanted to try and sending pictures, he did one day just stop talking to me, no explanation. and it hurt, because i didn't know what i had done, so i get that part.

here's the deal with me, I've never been in a real relationship, because i don't like them, i am not really a people person, i don't like getting close to them. because I've been this way my whole life, no one questions it, at least to my face, no one questions why i am not in a relationship, why am i not dating. i do get the, "your good looking why are you single", but other than that the people in my life get it, and that's that.
i do get flirted with, but i flirt back, nothing major, I'm not completely unattractive to girls. I'm just not an sexual person in general, i know that may seem weird.

and yes of course there are gay guys in my town, just like me, hiding, i get that. and i get that i should come out and be happy and all that, but for me, i am just not ready. I'm not ashamed, and i don't hate that i like guys, I'm fine with it, I'm just not ready to announce it to the world, and that's just my problem, something i need to work out.

thanks for talking Ganoderma


just wondering if anyone has any advice how to deal with the guy ive been talking to. is just disappearing the best way to go about it?

 

[jaysizzles]

I think a sincere and honest apology is in order for you to send him. Let him know that you truly enjoyed talking with him and never expected a relationship or real feelings to develop, and didn't plan for things to get so out of hand. Let him know that it's because you care about him that you don't want to continue this charade, and think he deserves to know the truth. If you just start to ignore him then he may question whether it was anything he did/didn't do that soured the relationship, and it doesn't seem like you'd want to hurt him in that way or leave him hanging. You can't apologize enough to him or ever expect him to forgive you or continue a friendship...because he won't...this ain't like the movies. Destroy his photos and assure him that you have.

This is not only for him, but for you. Doing the right thing now is something that you can live with. Good luck.

 

[NewUser2012]

Thank you Jaysizzles
that's how i feel i should go about it, i don't want him to think someone he cares about just stopped talking to him. and i do know he doesn't love me, or care for ME, he cares and loves the idea of who he was talking to. did the thought that maybe he would forgive me and turn out to be bi cross my mind? yes, of course it did. but i know that is stupid.
i don't want to hurt him anymore. its really, really makes me sad to think i did it for this long.
can i just ask how you think coming clean should be handled? like should i just come out with it when he messages hello to me? should i just write a long message and send? should i send an email?
i know i deserve every bad thing he says to me, but im just really scared to hear what he has to say, in my head I've imagined horrible things, but what he has to say will hurt more. and maybe i deserve to here it, as punishment and to be taught a lesson...

 

[jaysizzles]

I think a well thought out email is best...gives you a chance to say everything you want without getting interrupted. Go back through your posts in this thread...there's a lot of genuine and honest feelings that need to be shared with him. I doubt he'll respond, but if he does, expect him to have a few choice words for you.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi NewUser2012,

Thanks for your nice and extensive reply. I underline the proposal of jaysizzles. So make a nice e-mail with your ideas and send it to him. In addition, I think you should promise to yourself that you will never ever do this again.

Well, so the girls in your town are aware that there is this nice & friendly & kind (etc.) 24 yo 'NewUser2012' who is still single, and who has no history with girls. Excuse me very much, but some of them will have thought about the reason why this is the case. Gay = meaning no feelings for girls seems a reasonable explanation when other reasons are lacking. Do you agree with me? Or are there other reasons? Shy?

In general, people are friendly towards each other. So people won't quickly tell you straightforward that you are gay / that they have ideas that you might be gay. Does not mean that they have not thought about this (or even discussed this topic with each other). Hey man, you are less deep in the closet as you think.

So why are all those gay guys in that area hiding from each other? Is the city full with homophobes / bigots?

Take care & good to see you are already active over here. Feel free to react.

 

[Rolyo85]

You have to ask yourself why exactly, if you want to be alone, are you drawn to these sites? You could chat with people anywhere - you could go to any one of a hundred thousand thousand forums and chat about anything, you could call a friend and chat, you could meet up and chat. Instead, you went to what I assume is a dating site, and chatted with people who were interested in romantic involvement. Doesn't that tell you something about what your actual needs are? Maybe you should take the hint from your subconscious.

I did not get a clear idea of why you don't want to be out. Being out isn't in any way related to other people. You are never out because you are with someone, or to make someone else happy. You are out, because living a lie is no way to go through life and whether you think you're ok or not, it puts a burden on you to maintain the secret. And again - believe it or not - it is a huge part of the reason you "like" to be alone.

Just my two cents. Everyone comes out when they feel the time is right, but NOBODY likes being in the closet, and if they think they do, they're lying to themselves. And trolling a dating site with straight people pretending to be a girl is anything but a sign of being happy and fulfilled.

 

[NewUser2012]

thanks again Jaysizzles, i will do that. and thanks for giving me advice on this, i really appreciate it.

i didn't really want to have to explain myself, and discuss about how messed up i am, i know i have issues and problems, and i do stupid things. its fine i get that. i don't know why you feel the need to want to make me feel worse Rolyo85, kick me while i'm down i guess. why not right?
you don't get why i went on that site? what can i say, i made a mistake. it happens, and now i am trying to fix it to the best of my ability. its all i can do now. what do you want me to say?
i never asked to analyze my sexuality and why i did what i did. But that's fine, go ahead and judge me.
Omegle to me wasn't a dating site, i never went on it with the intention of meeting someone and having feelings for them, i just wanted some human interaction. yes i went on the site because i was lonely, i get lonely what can i say. i also don't like to be around people for long times, which is why i say a relationship isn't for me, its complicated and hard to explain, and i don't expect you to understand.
and i have to say i am not drawn to dating sites, I've only ever been on one, manhunt, and then Omegle which is not a dating site, as far as i know. but that's not the point, really doesn't matter.
you don't get why i don't want to be out? that's fine, i wasn't here to explain that, i have my own reasons, and my own reasons are good enough for me. you want to be out and proud? awesome, that's really great. but don't shove your views or actions on someone else.

Believe me Ganoderma, i wont do this again. it hurts too much to think i hurt someone.
and yes, the whole town could be talking about me behind my back, but you know, i really don't care, i honestly don't, people can talk. im not walking around pretending to be "Mr. straighty", but on the other hand im not walking around talking about how much i love penis.
its fine if you don't understand, i thank you for being kind and trying to help me, i pretty much know how to handle this situation, and then its done. it'll hurt for a while, and then i can move on, and so can he.

 

[Rolyo85]

Take a moment. Now look at what you wrote. Why in the world would you see what I wrote as an "attack", "judgment" or "kicking you while you're down"? Well, I know why, it's a rhetorical question - because it's a sore issue. If you had no problem with the issues I mentioned, you wouldn't instantly get aggressive-defensive about them.

Nobody is here to judge you, we are all here to help. But seriously, be honest with yourself - why did you post here? Was it really to ask for advice about the situation you described? You know full well what you should do, you didn't need us to tell you the obvious. You posted this because you wanted to talk.

Also, I'm not "out and proud". It's quite shallow to try and paint everyone who isn't closeted as some flag-waving activist. I'm out, but I'm only "proud" in the sense that I would never hide - actively or by omission - my sexuality.

People need other people to a different degree. Many need "recharge time", to be alone with their thoughts. That doesn't prevent them from having relationships, because there are other people like them who "get lonely" in just the same way.


I wasn't attacking you. Just because I say what I see and I'm not sugarcoating it, doesn't mean I want to "kick you when you're down". But maybe being down is not the best position to be in, eh? The tough love approach isn't for anyone, but it's how I operate. The beauty of online communication - other than leading people on by pretending to be a girl - is that you are free to ignore absolutely everything I write with no repercussions of any kind

 

[NewUser2012]

i get what you are saying. i do. i took what you said as an attack because, i thought, i described how up set i was and i didn't need anyone telling me how dumb my actions were, and right off the bat that is what you did. i see where you are coming from, but do you see where i was? i get the tough love, i appreciate it, but when I'm already hating myself in that moment, what i really don't need is feeling like someone is attacking me. sometimes you have to know when to apply the tough love. when someone is on a ledge they don't need to hear about how shitty their life is and be reminded about the mistakes they made.

i don't understand what you are getting at, i posted here because i wrote something on my blog about what i was going through and no one replied, and then i tried to text a friend of mine who lives across the country for advice and he didn't get back to me. i came here as a last resort, because i feel broken and needed advice quickly. you know its like you didn't read what i wrote. i DID know what i had to do, i felt i had two options and i needed advice as to what to do. and its people like you, who make me never want to do it again.

and, you know i never ever said out and proud was being a flag waver, that is how you took it, that is not my fault. i meant it as someone who is out and not afraid to hide that apart of their life, they are proud of who they are, they are not ashamed.

thanks for taking one last dig! i appreciate that

 

[jaysizzles]

I'm glad I was able to help...I truly hope it ends well for you. I don't think you're an awful person, perhaps a little messed up (not really ), but mostly that you're just human. We all do dumb things at times, or let things get out of hand before you realize what's happening.

In the past I've ran from a situation; lived with guilt and regrets. It isn't fun, especially if you run into someone that you've wronged. It's much easier in the long run to suck it up and apologize as best you can...clear your conscious, learn and grow, go forward from there.

 

[NewUser2012]

Thank you for understanding and helping someone who is really down and just needed some help.

 

[NewUser2012]

i sent the email...

 

[Howlly]

Firstly, these guys don't love you, they were probably after dirty pictures of the imaginary girl, lol.

Secondly, why not go on Manroulette? It's like Omegle, with webcam capabilities! You can see loads of cock, or just go and chat without the worry of being caught out. Straight away they see you and you see them, and you can click next at any time and get rid of them.

 

[Seasoned]

I wonder what the result of your email has been. I would not have done that. This guy has issues if he thought he fell in love with a woman he hadn't met. Also, there's the possibility he was not sending pictures of himself. You don't owe him an explanation other than, "I'm sorry I led you on. I have deleted your pics. I am immediately deleting my account. I'm sorry."

 

[NewUser2012]

@Howlly, yeah i do know that they didn't love me, i never thought the actually did, i actually was surprised and a bit upset that they threw that out there, we didn't know each other enough to make a statement like that. and you're probably right, that they said it to get more pictures. And thanks for the suggestion of Manroulette, but i don't really want to do the cam thing.

@Seasoned, the result of the email, well i haven't heard back from him, i hope he is alright, maybe just embarrassed or something, hopefully nothing worse. for me, the heaviness i felt in my heart for 2 days went away as soon as i pressed "send". i woke up pretty much every hour last night to check my email, i think i was hoping for him to reply, to be angry, tell me how he felt.
i didn't explain in the email why i did what i did, i just told him how sorry i was and how i felt about the situation.
you're right there is a possibility the pictures weren't him, but I'm going to say the possibility is 99.9% that it was him, i could be wrong, but he sent a good amount, and a good amount of those had his face, and there were other things that had me believe it was him...