Did somthing i feel horrible about and need some advice

[NewUser2012]

he didn't see the email, cause he wrote me as if everything was fine, so i had to tell him to check. he did. then told me to go to hell.

end of story.

 

[hackingnomberr]

Oddly enough I found myself in a situation extremely similar to this one when I was younger. Except I had led this guy on for about four years, he never fell in love with me but we did have a close friendship. Anyway, I came clean about the fact that I was fake and he was furious, as he should have been.

I think the reason I did it is because I was young, and didn't realize/come to terms with the fact that I was a homosexual. So I was confused and wanted some sort of semi-romantic attention that I didn't get during puberty.

 

[innocentbychoice]

There's nothing I can add because you already chose how you wanted to end this situation but I would've never done it that way. Admitting that you were a guy was unnecessary and I think it just hurt him a lot more...If it was me in that situation I would have send an email apologizing etc...but saying I wasn't going to continue talking because I started dating some guy or some bullshit excuse. I would've never said I was a guy. But oh well.

 

[NewUser2012]

i wish you never wrote that lol
makes me wish i would have done that, it was my other option, to say i started seeing someone. i do feel that wouldn't have hurt him as much, now that i think about it. now i feel i handled it wrongly, and feel bad once again...
but whats done is done right? :/

 

[Seasoned]

Right! It's done. Forgive yourself and move on. Remember all these feelings and all the grief in case you're tempted to do this again. It's ok to fuck up if you learn something. You're a good person or you wouldn't have given a shit. Take care.

 

[NewUser2012]

Thank you for that Seasoned. i appreciate that.

 

[jaysizzles]

I still stand behind the advice I dished out earlier...just think it's better to tell the truth in this case and not tell another lie to cover the first one. You get tangled up in a web of lies and it too often comes back to bite you. This way, IF (note the big if...) he found in it him to forgive you and/or did want to continue chatting with you, even if to get further explanations, you wouldn't still be stuck in all the lies.

I do agree with Seasoned in that you seem like a good person because you do "give a shit". What's done is done...move forward.

 

[sixthson]

i wish you never wrote that lol
makes me wish i would have done that, it was my other option, to say i started seeing someone. i do feel that wouldn't have hurt him as much, now that i think about it. now i feel i handled it wrongly, and feel bad once again...
but whats done is done right? :/

Had you done this, you would have been trying to cover up one dishonesty with another.
A sin once sinned cannot be unsinned, it can only be confessed.
While it is too late now, in my opinion the appropriate thing to have done would have been to communicate
with him the way you had always done. If you had been chatting via IM, then you should have confessed that
way and not by e-mail. Telling him you were a lonely, closeted gay male who did a wrong thing would have
been more accurate. How do you expect to learn from your wrongdoing if you are not completely honest about it.

The important thing now is that you forsake this kind of activity.

Let me add this: by confessing to him that you are gay would have been the first step in being honest about your sexuality.
Then you could begin communicating with other gay guys online or at JUB in the next step of coming out. Next thing you know,
you will have the courage to be honest in your personal life. Good luck, buddy.

 

[innocentbychoice]

i wish you never wrote that lol
makes me wish i would have done that, it was my other option, to say i started seeing someone. i do feel that wouldn't have hurt him as much, now that i think about it. now i feel i handled it wrongly, and feel bad once again...
but whats done is done right? :/

Yeah what's done is done and you're a good person because you actually cared. You followed your heart and made the best decision for you which is good, but the heart doesn't always give the best advice sometimes we have to listen to our head lol.

I still stand behind the advice I dished out earlier...just think it's better to tell the truth in this case and not tell another lie to cover the first one. You get tangled up in a web of lies and it too often comes back to bite you.

Had you done this, you would have been trying to cover up one dishonesty with another.
A sin once sinned cannot be unsinned, it can only be confessed.
While it is too late now, in my opinion the appropriate thing to have done would have been to communicate
with him the way you had always done. If you had been chatting via IM, then you should have confessed that
way and not by e-mail. Telling him you were a lonely, closeted gay male who did a wrong thing would have
been more accurate.

It's good that you guys want to be honest but it doesn't always work, I'm not one to cheer on dishonesty and I hate liars but in this situation I don't think being completely honest was of any use, specially when he didn't even know the person in real life and could've potentially hurt him even more AND hurt himself if the guy decided to find out who was the one "tricking" him, you know? But I think NewUser2012 will learn from this lesson either way .