Do the Parents Know?

[erobert]

This morning I got a bit of a surprise when I walked by my parents room and my dad called my name. They were sitting up in bed watching TV.

"Do you want to be a priest?" He asks, seeming somewhat serious.
"No why...?"
"Well, why don't you date girls?"

My mom gave him a look and the question took me back, I didn't know what to say. I just told him to "stop it" and that "I have to go to work."

I wasn't ready to come out right there and then but something tells me they know, even though I'm not dating anyone and you it not that obvious.

I don't want it to be a big deal and I don't really feel the need to make a big deal out of it- it is what it is. It doesn't entirely define who I am as a person. It seemed like he wanted to talk about it but I wasn't expecting to talk about until I'm a bit more prepared.

I came out to my sister last year, I don't want wait too long but I'm sure my mom known for a while; she might have even said something to make my father say that. Mothers always know.

I talked with my sister about it (who I came out to a year ago) thinks they might not know yet or are in denial. What does everyone else think?

 

[briefboy86]

It's possible they may suspect it. I'm in the same kinda situation with my dad he like your mom and dad asked if I'm dating any girls and the like.. But I'm similar to where your at it's all about how you feel like you said. But I think they may suspect something just make sure you do it on your terms.. but yes mothers do know these things. When I came out to my mom all shensaid is I know... LOL so don't stress over it.

Justin

 

[Caaake]

Your completely right. It's no big deal and it doesn't define who one is.. i really dont know why some individuals make it such a huge deal, thats their issue. You live the way you live and they can think what they think. Good for you.

 

[DonSade]

All parents get suspicious if their boy isn't acting so excited about the girls. My mother's been pressuring me for a while asking when I'm going to give her grandchildren and get married or settle for a nice girl. I just tell her I dont plan on getting married and if I so choose to have children, it'll be when I'm ready (and well over 30... lol).

Point here is, yes they do suspect. I'm not sure they know. They can't know if you don't give them a positive. So at this point, sure they suspect. It all depends on how much longer you keep them waiting for an answer. I'm not saying you should just come out and to hell with it. I'm just saying that until you're ready (which by all means, you should wait) they'll keep bringing it up.

I'm not out to my family yet. Last time a family member brought it up I was talking about how at this show I was acting as a Ballet instructor and I did this amazing stunt I didn't know I could pull off on stage and got a standing ovation from the crowd. My grandmother then asked with a straight face... "So, how is it you haven't told us anything about any girls you've been dating lately?" "Does it really matter if I'm dating or not? The important thing here is I'm almost done getting my degree and looking forward to a happy and successful life. You should be happy for me " She chuckled and said "Yeah, we don't want to have a premature belly ruining that parade" And I just smiled.

You'll have to put up with situations like these often until you're out. I'm just waiting to finish up and get a stable job to pull off that stunt. And that'll be soon I hope.

 

[conrad]

As one who has been there I offer my own hunch as to why my journey into my sexuality was a very happy one. My parents were "old world" but they were wise in so many ways and I was spared the crap that others got from their parents. My brothers and sisters agreed that I was "different" which my parents did not deny but assured me that being different was alright. How different I was became clear to me with I, who always thought of myself as a pretty regular guy, bonded with the new guy in town who was just fifteen too. By the end of the summer the bond was so complete that the sex came naturally and seemed so right. That relationship lasted until we both graduated from high school. Eleven years later I did what society expected all regular guys to do: I was married.

But before I settled with the person I was willing to spend the rest of my life with, I had four long term relationships: two with men and two with women. My whole family met all of them and treated them as my friends. I suspect they had questions but they kept them to themselves; and, since I view what happens between two persons sexually as personal and private, I never ever "came out" to anyone. Really, I ask, what need is there for others to know about one's sexual orientation? What they can see, as far as I am concerned, is all they get and they are free to draw whatever conclusions they wish.

The beauty and mystery of human sexuality IMHO ought not be diminished by hassles. Wise parents, family, and friends can often serve best by simple silence.

 

[Telstra]

As one who has been there I offer my own hunch as to why my journey into my sexuality was a very happy one. My parents were "old world" but they were wise in so many ways and I was spared the crap that others got from their parents. My brothers and sisters agreed that I was "different" which my parents did not deny but assured me that being different was alright. How different I was became clear to me with I, who always thought of myself as a pretty regular guy, bonded with the new guy in town who was just fifteen too. By the end of the summer the bond was so complete that the sex came naturally and seemed so right. That relationship lasted until we both graduated from high school. Eleven years later I did what society expected all regular guys to do: I was married.

But before I settled with the person I was willing to spend the rest of my life with, I had four long term relationships: two with men and two with women. My whole family met all of them and treated them as my friends. I suspect they had questions but they kept them to themselves; and, since I view what happens between two persons sexually as personal and private, I never ever "came out" to anyone. Really, I ask, what need is there for others to know about one's sexual orientation? What they can see, as far as I am concerned, is all they get and they are free to draw whatever conclusions they wish.

The beauty and mystery of human sexuality IMHO ought not be diminished by hassles. Wise parents, family, and friends can often serve best by simple silence.

nice story.
People chat like when are you getting married? do you have a girl friend? and ... etc.
A simple silence is a little bit strange and awkward too don't you think.

erobert,
yes your parents know but if you don't tell them, they assumed you are straight.

 

[erobert]

Thanks everyone for the supportive advice.

conrad, I think like that too. Why the need to come out and make a big deal of it? I hear a lot of guys speaking of double standards like straight people don't need to declare their sexuality to everyone. Straight men simply date women. After all actions speak louder than words. It shouldn't matter what you're sexuality is as long as you're happy, healthy and can pay the bills (if you have any).

But I also don't want them to freak out if I introduce a guy they think is my friend who is actually "my boyfriend" (when I get into a serious relationship that is)

I think they're just trying to start the conversation, but aren't sure how.

Telstra, I'm sure they've both suspected for a while and my mother probably knows deep down. They even might have to tell me I'm gay if I wait too long. lol

 

[andy12]

I don't want it to be a big deal and I don't really feel the need to make a big deal out of it- it is what it is. It doesn't entirely define who I am as a person.

You gays shoving your sexuality down everyone's throats! [/sarcasm]

I talked with my sister about it (who I came out to a year ago) thinks they might not know yet or are in denial. What does everyone else think?

Depends on your living situation. If they financially provide for you, it can always blow up in your face.

 

[Telstra]

Thanks everyone for the supportive advice.

conrad, I think like that too. Why the need to come out and make a big deal of it? I hear a lot of guys speaking of double standards like straight people don't need to declare their sexuality to everyone. Straight men simply date women. After all actions speak louder than words. It shouldn't matter what you're sexuality is as long as you're happy, healthy and can pay the bills (if you have any).

But I also don't want them to freak out if I introduce a guy they think is my friend who is actually "my boyfriend" (when I get into a serious relationship that is)

I think they're just trying to start the conversation, but aren't sure how.

Telstra, I'm sure they've both suspected for a while and my mother probably knows deep down. They even might have to tell me I'm gay if I wait too long. lol

yes they do, people ask them all the time do you have a girl friend?
For women, do you have a boyfriend ... etc.

 

[Spiff]

If your dad suspects, then that was a horrible way for him to express it. "Do you want to be a priest?" Sheesh, is there any way to make you feel more uncomfortable than by pinning you up against a wall using sarcasm?

 

[Seasoned]

As a parent and as a gay man, I have parents that I came out to and children whom I love and support. Being gay is a big deal because no matter how accepting our friends, families and government, we will always be a minority and we will always have to come out to ourselves first. We live in a heterosexist society. The more we are out the more we all benefit. And as far as being a parent is concerned, my job is to love, support, and guide my children. Be grateful that your parents are talking. The alternative is, in the long-run damaging. Good luck to you.

 

[Julian89]

As one who has been there I offer my own hunch as to why my journey into my sexuality was a very happy one. My parents were "old world" but they were wise in so many ways and I was spared the crap that others got from their parents. My brothers and sisters agreed that I was "different" which my parents did not deny but assured me that being different was alright. How different I was became clear to me with I, who always thought of myself as a pretty regular guy, bonded with the new guy in town who was just fifteen too. By the end of the summer the bond was so complete that the sex came naturally and seemed so right. That relationship lasted until we both graduated from high school. Eleven years later I did what society expected all regular guys to do: I was married.

But before I settled with the person I was willing to spend the rest of my life with, I had four long term relationships: two with men and two with women. My whole family met all of them and treated them as my friends. I suspect they had questions but they kept them to themselves; and, since I view what happens between two persons sexually as personal and private, I never ever "came out" to anyone. Really, I ask, what need is there for others to know about one's sexual orientation? What they can see, as far as I am concerned, is all they get and they are free to draw whatever conclusions they wish.

The beauty and mystery of human sexuality IMHO ought not be diminished by hassles. Wise parents, family, and friends can often serve best by simple silence.

A wonderful story to live by. Thanks for sharing it with us.

 

[innocentbychoice]

I think parents always know, or at least, most of the times.