Do you feel taken for granted?

[Rali_hates_Mondays]

God I hate it when this happens. Do you feel as if your friends don't really make an effort with you? It's just that I met my friend after a long holiday I thought that after coming back we would have loads to talk about. Well I asked him a lot about what he did, working in the hospitals, community service, what he did during the summer.... in fact the conversations revolved mainly round him- well mainly cos I asked the questions.

However there was no act in return on his part. There were no questions about how I was, what I did not even did you have a good holiday? In fact I'm like someone whom he just moans/compains at and it just gets me down. But it's strange cos when I see him with other people he seems... a bit happier. Maybe I'm the one getting him down but I've never encouraged him to moan and bitch about things. The thing is he's been my friend for a long time- 2 years.

Don't you hate it when that happens?

 

[justsimon]

This happens to me, also. I've made a conscious decision to not be close friends with anyone who doesn't give back. It's hard to stick to, though.

 

[slobone]

Yeah, one of my oldest friends has started treating me like that. It's very depressing. I've told him about it numerous times. Every time I do he apologizes, but then he keeps doing it.

The worst is when I'll share my deepest feelings about something with him and his response will be, "Oh, I just saw the funniest thing on TV". (He invariably is either watching the TV with the mute on when we talk on the phone, or else surfing the Internet on his laptop. I think he has ADD or something.)

But I finally figured out what caused the change. His lover, who always seems to be lurking around somewhere, doesn't like me very much. So my friend has to abuse me to show solidarity with him. I've noticed that whenever the lover is out of town on business, our conversations are much more civilized.

But --- grrrr!

 

[CountryJohn]

Sometimes yes and sometimes no. All of the longterm users I let go of years ago. I think sinfulsimon put it best so far. Hard to stick to yes, but well worth it in the long run.

 

[MRMATTX2]

Yes, I've felt that way. While we all can be guilty of being self-centered at times, but when it continues to happen, it's time to evaluate whether or not the friendship is worth having at all.

 

[confusedboy23]

It happens too often with too many friends, but at the end of the day, you will know who your real friends are!

 

[confusedboy23]

i think i can tell that chance is a good friend because he responds....hmmmm.....LOL

 

[cozmik]

That's pretty much how I feel with all but one friend of mine. I need to get down to his university soon for a visit, actually.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I guess, some of it is a cultural thing. I grew up believing that prodding about other people's lives was about the daftest thing you could do. Obviously, not everyone shares that view.

Fortunately, my friends know this. I tell them, all I feel like telling them and ask them in very unspecific terms to share all they feel like sharing with me.

Frankly, I hate being asked direct questions of any kind and would usually refuse to give any direct answer. I do not do this to my friends either.

Asking someone to share something he might not be willing to share is simply urging him to either lie or be directly evasive. So, I simply ask, 'how's your life?' and people tell me all I am supposed to know.

SC