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No Animated GIFs Do you fuck around with your friends?

mikey3000

mikey3000

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Can a gay guy fuck or be fucked by his friends without catching feelings? I've been invited to go to a bath house with some buds, and I really want to go, but I'm so nervous. I'm trying to get over my stigma of 'recreational sex' and just have fun, life is too short to be such a prude. The problem is with my fella, he won't come, but I have his apprehensive blessing, though I know he will mind. Do I tell him? I've tried to talk to him about my needs physically but he still just does what he wants, when and how he wants it, and I'm left feeling unfulfilled. What to I do? 😯
 
Well, you know he really doesn't want you to do this, but you feel he is not fulfilling your needs and it sounds like he could if he were willing. This is not first and foremost a sexual issue....it's a relationship issue. Deal with that before you do anything else.
 
Just go and do it, fuck the boyfriend if he's not satisfying you, lead with your dick.
 
sixthson said:
Well, you know he really doesn't want you to do this, but you feel he is not fulfilling your needs and it sounds like he could if he were willing. This is not first and foremost a sexual issue....it's a relationship issue. Deal with that before you do anything else.
Click to expand...
I totally agree, it is a control issue. He has to do everything his way, and on his terms. I've been trying to resolve this issue with him for almost 10 years now but with no success and I'm so tired of it. I'm at the point now that, without his cooperation in this relationship, I'm ready to move on. I feel like my life is passing me by. He'a quite a bit older than me and has had his fun, but now he wants me to stay nice and pure just for him. And I'm tired of it. I want more. I want fun before I'm dead.
 
Really? Why not?
Anyway, I told the BF I'm going and asked if he wanted to join me. He said nope, wasn't interested.
 
I've fucked around with friends before. I never got feelings since i tend to compartmentalize things. But a few have developed feelings for me which just causes drama so I don't do that anymore for both of our sanity.
 
Sometimes the title of threads and the content has a little bit of mismatch. There's really two different questions you're asking:
  1. Is it cool to mess around with friends that you don't have any feelings for?
  2. Is is cool to mess around with people outside your relationship without the complete support of your partner?

On the first question, the answer is "sure". Young people do it all the time. The question for you is whether it's right for someone your age with your obligations. That's something only you can answer for yourself.

On the second question, it's a lot more difficult. There's more to a relationship than sex. But sex and intimacy are also a reasonable expectation in a relationship. If you're not getting what you want and there's no interest in compromise, then you have to weigh whether you're willing to risk losing what you have in order to get something you want. Open relationships work for some people but they also wreck a fair share of relationships when both parties aren't fully on board with the idea.
 
Did you notice this mindset when you were dating? You say "I've been trying to resolve this issue with him for almost 10 years now but with no success and I'm so tired of it." Is this the entire time you've been together? If so, it would seem he presented himself as "this is who I am," and you hoped you could change him, which, as it happens, rarely works out well. Maya Angelou used to say, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."

Did he show you who he was in the beginning? That will, at least, bring the reality home of what you can expect if you decide to remain with him. He was older when you met him, and he's even older now. Barring some kind of epiphany, he's not likely to change who he is, based on what you've written. Only you know if you can live with that for the next 10, 20, or 30 years. If he wasn't giving you what you needed in the beginning, what did you tell yourself to lead you to commit to him?
 
I fucked around with some friends and others who were close to me when I was younger. Even my brother. And....I still do. (I love being hit on.) It's probably easiest for us guys to fuck without catching feelings. Sounds like your relationship isn't in good health.
 
Well it really is a decent relationship. In his previous relationship each used to occasionally play on the side and each knew. Now with me, he has mellowed in his behaviour and I'm pretty mellow too but still... I really dont think he'd mind much. Here's why i originally made the thread...

Today i took an old friend boating for the afternoon and we had a great time. Boating, skinny dipping, then dinner, coffee, ice cream and a nice walk on the beach at sunset. It was like being on a date. I even got the butterflies in my stomach. The feelings between us is very electric and it has stood the test of time, almost 10 years. With his marriage to his wife over, and my marriage to my wife over, each of us are now in relationships with other men, but the mutual crush is still there. I know my BF has fantasies of me getting it on with this guy, but i dont know if I can because I dont want to ruin a good friendship.
 
I’ve did it once in a big gangbang, no feelings attached and I wouldn’t fuck with them again
 
Nope, never messed around with any friends.

I simply wouldn't with just a friend, but with the right friend I'd go with "never say never" (but still unlikely.)

I'd need to have developed feelings (& basically 'more than just friends') for them before even considering it though.
I feel I could far too easily fall in love with someone (in some ways its good that I'm unfriendable/unloveable...because it prevents that from ever happening)

-------
If I was already in a relationship, then...absolutely not. Monogamous would be a requirement.
 
Messed around with two friends with opposite results. One guy in a relationship with a girl we both knew. She want adventurous and as long as I was crossdressed he didn’t mind fucking and being blown by me. There was never a feeling other than friendship, just straight forward sex and something other than the vanilla sex his girlfriend (now wife) gave him. My other experience was with a friend who came out of his first relationship and I was his first sexual experience as a single guy. We went from friends to friends with benefits and then he declared his love for me. I didn’t feel the same and missed all the signs of him having feelings. Now I see him maybe once or twice a year and we are more acquaintances than friends. He couldn’t understand or handle my attitude towards sex and not reciprocating his feelings towards me.
 
mikey3000 said:
Can a gay guy fuck or be fucked by his friends without catching feelings? I've been invited to go to a bath house with some buds, and I really want to go, but I'm so nervous. I'm trying to get over my stigma of 'recreational sex' and just have fun, life is too short to be such a prude. The problem is with my fella, he won't come, but I have his apprehensive blessing, though I know he will mind. Do I tell him? I've tried to talk to him about my needs physically but he still just does what he wants, when and how he wants it, and I'm left feeling unfulfilled. What to I do? 😯
Click to expand...

Just go have fun man! And don’t tell your fella. Also, task your buddies not to say a word to your fella. Life is too short and sometimes you need to be selfish about your needs. Honesty and morality are sometimes overrated. Enjoy!
 
KaraBulut said:
Sometimes the title of threads and the content has a little bit of mismatch. There's really two different questions you're asking:
  1. Is it cool to mess around with friends that you don't have any feelings for?
  2. Is is cool to mess around with people outside your relationship without the complete support of your partner?

On the first question, the answer is "sure". Young people do it all the time. The question for you is whether it's right for someone your age with your obligations. That's something only you can answer for yourself.

On the second question, it's a lot more difficult. There's more to a relationship than sex. But sex and intimacy are also a reasonable expectation in a relationship. If you're not getting what you want and there's no interest in compromise, then you have to weigh whether you're willing to risk losing what you have in order to get something you want. Open relationships work for some people but they also wreck a fair share of relationships when both parties aren't fully on board with the idea.
Click to expand...

YOu neglected pointing out that the lover (boyfriend) is behaving in a withholding - as well as - passive aggressive way. Those are not easily resolved, because, to be blunt, one party DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO RESOLVE IT.
So, you can have them dance around the issue, but if the partner had any feelings for his lover's happiness (other than to control him), they'd likely be in therapy by now to resolve this.
 
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