Do you prefer to be used?

[trikky]

Ok guys this thought was prompted by another thread and please reply especially guys who are not currently out or inexperienced.

I really want to get a vote on whether guys when they first started having sex with guys (or are thinking of it) were more receptive to guys who just wanted no strings sex with no emotional involvement/ intimacy or with some intimacy. I personally would not be very sexually receptive to a guy who I thought just saw me as a piece of meat (no matter how hot he was) than someone who I thought was more caring about me, even if he still only wanted sex. Because I feel that way, I would be more likely to approach other guys in the same way. From some of the threads it seems that a lot of guys get scared off if anyone shows them any kind of intimacy because they think your getting involved. However I'm not sure that I would feel comfortable just treating a guy like a piece of meat. Having a mental/spiritual connection with a guy is a big part of sexual attraction for me.

I know that this is down to individual personalities etc, but it would be interesting to know what everyone thinks and why.

 

[TX-Beau]

Actually I think the majority of threads in here deal with people who say they don't want "meaningless sex."

The hook up doesn't have to be "meaningless." Sex doesn't have to be about some bourgeois idea that it must be tied to fairy tales or it's somehow wrong and dirty. Sex can be just about fun, or intensity, or recreation, or fetish, or whatever you want to define it as. So long as you're both honest and consenting, bang away. No need to date, no need to commit, no need to stress. I don't mind being a sex object so long as I get out of it what I want. What's wrong with being a sex object?

Frankly there are more hangups from guys who think that sex must be tied to relationships or it's somehow bad, than there are from guys who can just do it for fun.

At least in my experience.

 

[rahulxxx]

of course not ! for PERSON WHO HAS BEEN OUT TO ONLY ONE PERSON IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD as of now, i am sure my opinion counts !!!!

 

[trikky]

Thanks for the replies tex and rahul and yes your opinion does count. I am going to change the question slighty because after I posted it I realised that some guys may not want to go on the record about this. So here's the new question:

In your experience/ perception do you think other guys are/ have been more receptive to your approaches when it was clearly a pure hook up with no emotions involved or when there was some emotional/intimacy involved.

 

[Deandbn]

I think No strings sex is a 2 way street. He wants it AND YOU WANT IT, and you do it and he does it, and thats it. no more no less. and no one is a prostitute cos no one is paying for it and no one thinks any different of you cos no one else knows it happened. and hey, you are not being used any more than the other guy is. So cut the drama and enjoy it guys. Hey you might even find you like it. Its not like the guy expects you to marry him afterwards.

 

[youngnihilist]

What's this about being used? How about using?

 

[breatheH20]

When I first started having sex at 17, I wanted the Disney, fairy-tale knight in shining armor to arrive, thinking that guys who wanted to sleep with me wanted to be my boyfriends (lol, it's funny now in hindsight).

After the initial heartbreak I went through, I was fine with guys just wanting to have sex with me; it was a 2-way street, I wanted them and they wanted me.

But now after an abusive, unsuccessful relationship, it's going to take a lot more than hormones and a burning desire to have sex for me to actually act on it. I need to find someone I can trust and that respects and cares about me before I do anything.

So at this juncture, I need an emotional connection. How much of one is the question, but I can't do the random boy-toy things of yesteryear anymore. It's not fulfilling.

 

[Payton]

Although inexperienced, I find that I'd be completely open to just a hook-up. We'd both be getting what we want out of it, so I don't see the issue.

I'd never lead someone on into thinking it'll be anything more though.

Now here's a question for those who do hook-up.
Is there a line to not cross? For example, do you have to tone down on the intimacy, and not let it get too passion filled? Especially when knowing your partners' intention is just to have a one night stand?

 

[TX-Beau]

...Now here's a question for those who do hook-up.
Is there a line to not cross? For example, do you have to tone down on the intimacy, and not let it get too passion filled? Especially when knowing your partners' intention is just to have a one night stand?

Only real rule, don't lie. Lots of guidelines though. Trust your gut being the most important.

Hook ups aren't really about intimacy in my opinion. Intensity can certainly be part of it. But I'm grabbing my jeans and out the door, so really, excessive emotional soul searching isn't part of it. I don't have to consciously say to myself that it's just a hook up so don't get involved. That's kinda the point.

 

[jude swings]

with guys i always want to top them and nothing else. i always make that clear just in case he doesn't realize that i'm just in it to fuck him and expect nothing else. i don't get into dudes emotionally and don't want him to get any other ideas.