Do you think he is gay?

[confusedboy23]

I saw a cute guy walk into my workplace this past weekend and he was attended to by one of my juniors. I approached him and started a random 'manager/customer' conversation and it ended up taking almost half an hour!

Next day, I emailed him in my capacity as manager thanking him for the business. Aparently he has been on to Facebook to look for me because he said in his email reply 'I think I found you on Facebook. Please add me.'

Added him, and yesterday itself, we exchanged at least five pretty long messages.

I looked through his albums to find 'clues' but I could not find any. Most of his photos were of him alone. He is pretty straight-acting in my opinion when I spoke to him.

Oh, he did have "Interested in Men and Women" in his profile!

What do you think?

Do you think a straight person would bother exchanging long-winded messages with a friend - over two straight days now??!!

By the way, we're both 28 - and share very similar interests.

 

[SKUNK1ON1]

typical! the guy says interested in men and women...which means he is bisexual yet your asking if he is gay! do you want sex with him or a relationship; if sex what does it matter if he is gay or bi?

in your customer/manager conversation....how would he know your facebook name and why would he look you up on facebook, IF you only had a professional business conversation?

sounds like you are wondering if he is gay and he knows you are! and last; what happen to keeping your work life and pvt life separate! you should NEVER have sex with a co-worker or a customer!

 

[confusedboy23]

Sex was and is still the last thing on my mind!

Our conversation was professional i.e. there were no flirting or anything like that. But, we didn't just talk about the customer experience. We spoke about our hobbies and our travel experiences as well.

The last time I did a search of my own name on Facebook, there were at least 20 results displayed. I am impressed that he's taken the time to go through it and picked the right one! There's nothing too explicit on my Facebook neither, it's really just my life outside of work.

 

[Rolyo85]

If he's at the point where his FB page says "men" (never mind what else it says), that should tell you he is interested. What does it matter if he's gay or bi? He's obviously not purely straight.

Just ask him out. If he says no, at least you'll know, and no harm done. If he says yes - well, then you'll know

 

[Seasoned]

I really don't have enough information to comment except to write that a customer is different from a client. Your interest in each other could make you good friends. After that, who knows?

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Confusedboy23,

It is not clear to me that he knows / has clues that you are not 100% straight.

Obviously, both of you have some shared interested, and it seems that both of you like each other. It seems to me that both of you have extensive online contact with each other.

I tend to advise you to arrange a meeting in real life. Can be anything, eg. lunch, drinking cofffee together, or maybe even a business related event.

Towards my opinon, straight people quite often start a relationship after they have met each other in a more or less similar situation like it has happened with you and him.


Good luck.

 

[HunterM]

Ask him to meet you for a drink after work. Start with becoming a friend with him regardelss if he is straight, gay, bi, transgender or Martian. It's too early to tell. After you two are friends, you'll find out soon enough by asking more personal questions like his past relationships for clues.

Does he know you're attracted to men?

 

[confusedboy23]

I am not sure if I am reading into this a little too much. It's just that I can't remember the last straight friend that would actually spend so much time chatting with me after having only met for a little while!

I'd love to be able to organize something like a lunch but unfortunately, we live in different cities at the moment. That would have to wait for at least a few weeks.....before I am due in his city for work.

Yes, I am trying to become friends with him regardless but it would be a lie if I said I didn't have a thing for him. I mean, he's a nice guy and cute too.

So, here's the thing - we were messaging each other today and somehow the topic of relationship popped up.

Me : Nah, I don't have anyone. I'm not wanted.
Him : Maybe you are too picky. There are many hotties here at my workplace. Would you like me to introduce them to you? Haha.
Me : You should find one for yourself and then shortlist what's left for me. LOL.
Him : Sure. You need to more specific though. What is your preference? Girl or guy? I need the specifics before I can scan through them and shortlist a few to be presented to you.
Me : Haha. (I ignored that question)

Anyway I am trying my best to keep an open mind and not have expectations.....it's not easy though.

 

[Ganoderma]

Hi Confusedboy23,

Thanks for dealing us with a part of the messages you exchange with this guy. Its clear to me that both of you like each other. Take your time and use your next work-related visit to his city to make an appointment in real life with him. I would also advise you to be clear and open to him in regard to your sexual identity. IMO, there is no need to hide your sexual identity to a guy who is so open about it towards you.

Best wishes & good luck.

 

[that-one-guy]

I second Ganoderma words of advice he does seem to be interested and it seems as if he is fishing to find out your sexual orientation. I would have to say if he isn't gay he is just a cool straight guy.

 

[Rolyo85]

Tell him you're gay. There's no point in hiding it to begin with, considering you are interested in him. There's nothing you can do to prevent a possible rejection, except for being ambiguous and/or dishonest. And you can't really build a decent friendship without honesty either.

That said, you've more or less told him by ignoring the question.

 

[confusedboy23]

Hi Confusedboy23,

Thanks for dealing us with a part of the messages you exchange with this guy. Its clear to me that both of you like each other. Take your time and use your next work-related visit to his city to make an appointment in real life with him. I would also advise you to be clear and open to him in regard to your sexual identity. IMO, there is no need to hide your sexual identity to a guy who is so open about it towards you.

Best wishes & good luck.

Hi Ganoderma. Thanks very much for your thoughts. I think I am just looking for reassurance because it has been a long time since I have met anyone that I actually like. I've never been very lucky with love but I've been OK with being single for many years. It's just that I've never felt this way in such a long time that now, I feel like I'm up in the clouds yet I am very fearful that I will fall so badly and just come crashing down again.

I hope you don't mind sharing this - why is it clear to you that he likes me? And, why do you say that he is open towards me?

 

[confusedboy23]

Tell him you're gay. There's no point in hiding it to begin with, considering you are interested in him. There's nothing you can do to prevent a possible rejection, except for being ambiguous and/or dishonest. And you can't really build a decent friendship without honesty either.

That said, you've more or less told him by ignoring the question.

I think that was exactly what I was trying to do. I was hoping that he would get the hint.

I would love to have just told him that I was gay but it just didn't seem right at that point in time. The fact is, we have only known each other for like 3 days and it worries me that he does work for a large company who happens to be a large client of our company too. I know there are a few obvious gay guys working in their company but I'm not quite sure if the person in charge of dealing with me is fond of them so I think that's why I'm being very cautious.

 

[orton86]

Hey there,

He flat out asked you what are you interested in: guys or girls?

That was your opportunity to say guys. He's obviously very interested in you after he searched through over a dozen of people with your name on Facebook.

It's your turn now. He's done the heavy lifting so far when he's brought up relationships and your preference.

Don't be nervous. Go for it.

 

[Rolyo85]

No offense, but it sounds more or less like you're justifying being insecure. The only way to get over feeling anxious about telling people you like dick is to just tell as many people as you can, without even waiting for them to ask.

I always find ways to work it in the conversation, self-centered bitch that I am ^_^

 

[MascutarHero]

"Do you think he is gay?
One true way to find out is ask, if he has he's interested in both maybe you could mention it

 

[Ganoderma]

Hi Ganoderma. Thanks very much for your thoughts. I think I am just looking for reassurance because it has been a long time since I have met anyone that I actually like. I've never been very lucky with love but I've been OK with being single for many years. It's just that I've never felt this way in such a long time that now, I feel like I'm up in the clouds yet I am very fearful that I will fall so badly and just come crashing down again.

I hope you don't mind sharing this - why is it clear to you that he likes me? And, why do you say that he is open towards me?

Hi Confusedboy23,

Thanks for your friendly and nice reply. Well, I must admit that my information about him is biased, as all is based on details provided by you. So I am not 100% sure about his vieuwpoints. You are the only one who is able to ask it. Unless he is also joining this thread and telling us how he thinks about this situation.

On the other hand:

Me: Nah, I don't have anyone. I'm not wanted.
Him: Maybe you are too picky. There are many hotties here at my workplace. Would you like me to introduce them to you? Haha.
Me: You should find one for yourself and then shortlist what's left for me. LOL.
Him: Sure. You need to more specific though. What is your preference? Girl or guy? I need the specifics before I can scan through them and shortlist a few to be presented to you.

'Me': Are you also on this shortlist? / I assume you are on the shortlist as well? / What's your position on this shortlist? /
'Him': Why do you ask this? / Ofcourse / No / Sure /

Etc.

I tend to think that this guy is offering himself to you. I mean, he is working over there, so he is definately included in 'people / hotties at my workplace'. I tend to think that you only need to say 'yeah' (or something similar to this). More or less, you might say that he tries to tell you something like 'do you want to be my mate'?

Good luck and no problem to keep asking more questions.

Take care.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK reality check. No one in here knows if this guy is gay. The only thing we know about him is what you've posted - and that is just your perspective. We have no way of knowing if you've deluded yourself or not.

There is only one person who has your answer, and it's not anyone in here.

You said he liked both, so what is your issue? Do you think he's lying?

Or is the problem that you don't want to tell him YOU like guys?

I don't see where you have a problem, other than the fact that he gave you a perfect opening which you ignored then came in here asking about him. Straight guys don't ask those kinds of questions, you know he's at least bi, so really, is the problem him, or is it you?

Be a man, grab your scrotum and seize your chance. Hell, even if it goes nowhere, at least you have the self respect of knowing you went after what you wanted instead of throwing away your opportunity in favor of wishful thinking.

When you are old, you will not regret the chances you took, you'll only regret the ones you were afraid of.

 

[confusedboy23]

Thanks guys.

I really, really need some help right now.

I know it is NOT him that has problems, it is ME. I will not deny this. BUT, I really don't think I should just tell him I like guys in a FB message (this is not 'live' messaging, we're sending each FB emails).

I would like to be able to come clean to him when I see him next. I really don't think it is that far away from now before my next trip to his city.

I sent him an email to his workplace today asking why he hasn't written for so long (it's been less than a day). I asked him 'have you run out of ideas for our messaging marathon? lol'

A few hours later, he sent an FB message apologizing and asking me if I 'miss his emails'. OF COURSE I DO! I am not afraid of telling him that when I reply. He told me that he had actually wanted to email me before but there was just too much happening at work.

He also replied me question 'I can never run out of ideas. Let's continue this and see where this ends'.

Then, he asked me AGAIN for my preference - he said I didn't reply his previous question. He said that he needs to know before he can screen applicants and not introduce the wrong people to me!!!

He gave me his personal cell phone number and said I could call him if I wanted to.

Should I just text him on his cell to say hello? I'm overseas at the moment so I guess that's an excuse not to call - he knows I'm overseas for work.

Should I reply his FB message saying "oh, I have got to visit your office FIRST to see both guys and girls then I can decide which is hotter/rocks my boat". Too lame??

Or, should I say something like "Maybe we should hang out more first and then I can give you my actual specifications!"

PLEASE HELP!!!

 

[HunterM]

Tell him you like shemales.

Clearly he is interested in your prefrence of attraction as this is his second asking. There are plenty of posts on this thread advising you to come out to him already. Those are great advice! Either tell him you prefer women, men or both. As he has been making an effort, not giving him a definitive answer seems like you're back in high school. You don't want him to perceive you that way, do you?