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Does he know?

A

attallaborn

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hey guys, i need some advice..

ok, there was this guy i met last night at a straight bar and i kinda saw him looking at me, and he kinda gave my gaydar a ring or two but i saw him talking to a bunch of girls (he's somkin)..so i figured he was a closet case or something..

well, i was leaning against the bar and he came up beside me--"right" beside me, and just stood there.. i was hammered, and in when so, will ask a guy out in a heartbeat..so i asked him his name and it was a hard spanish name, we laughed and i asked him for his number..and he gave it to me

ok, the problem comes as to whether or not he's gay; maybe he just gave me his number because i asked for it...i dont know, he never said and i never said...but he has to know right?! i dont know.. and i dont know how to ask or when to text and if i should..hate being gay...you never fucking know ](*,)
 
Erm... my two pennies...

When someone asks for someone else's number, at a bar of all places, and one does not know said person, it usually is for a date or a hook up.

Though I could be wrong...

Call him and have a lunch date or dinner, or hell even breakfast. You'll never know till you try.

^0^

Lunar
 
But make sure he knows what the game is. Don't assume, or assume he's assuming.

It's only fair, and it protects you.
 
>>>i dont know.. and i dont know how to ask or when to text and if should..hate being gay...you never fucking know

As if straight people always know when to call and text and if the other person is interested. :)

Chances are EXTREMELY favorable that he's gay and interested. Straight guys don't give other guys their names and numbers right off, except maybe in a "hey, I'd love to go to that football game with you - call me" sort of way. So I'd go on the assumption that he's gay and interested.

To be safe, you might want to play it really cool to begin with. Pick some activity you might want to do. The activity doesn't really matter - a movie, a sporting event, a concert, a play, whatever. Then call him. (Don't text - call.) Say "Hi - this is attall. We met at (bar) last night. I was going to go see (movie) sometime this weekend, and wanted to know if you wanted to come along."

Lex
 
id say its very unlikely that he wasnt flirting with you. i mean, all the signs are there, and then some. your sole counterpoint is that he was "talking to girls"... come on, you never talk to girls? stop worrying.
 
Call him. If he doesn't remmber you, he was just wasted and will probably not be the kind of guy to pursue.

If not, strike up small talk andinvite him out somewhere, but don't make it am obvious date or you'll scare him off. \
 
yeah, you guys are right...its something about this useless country and its strangle hold on homophobia that is awful..i swear guys, this guy was gay and i know it but he didnt reply to my text tonight and its because we go to college in redneck ville and hes probally scared shitless someone will find out....if you dont live in like NY or someplace, finding a guy will be harder than getting a phD...its kool, pretty soon ill be out this place and have my pick of guyssssssss..: )
 
>>>.if you dont live in like NY or someplace, finding a guy will be harder than getting a phD.

Possibly true about you being in podunkville. But the thing is - it's not like New York City or nothing. YOUR current town in the one that's offbase. Any city of decent size - 100,000 or so - or any college town isn't going to be like that.

Lex
 
attallaborn said:
yeah, you guys are right...its something about this useless country and its strangle hold on homophobia that is awful..i swear guys, this guy was gay and i know it but he didnt reply to my text tonight and its because we go to college in redneck ville and hes probally scared shitless someone will find out....if you dont live in like NY or someplace, finding a guy will be harder than getting a phD...its kool, pretty soon ill be out this place and have my pick of guyssssssss..: )
Click to expand...

You're doing that assuming thing. You don't know why he didn't reply to your text. Could be a million things. He could be like me, I ignore all texts, and hell, even phone calls if I'm with someone, or working, or talking to someone else, because interrupting whatever you're doing to answer calls, and especially text messages is incredibly rude to the person you're with.

May I suggest that in the future you avoid the texts, and actually call and speak to a real voice. You'll get your answers quicker that way.

Frankly the text is a cop out, you like him, you thought he liked you, but instead of calling, you sent him the 2010 version of a ********, that can't possibly convey as much information as actually speaking to someone. Nor does it demonstrate how motivated you are. Yes it's easier, but it's also pretty hard to gauge anything correctly with a few lines of text in code, he may or may not have noticed, had time to deal with, or a host of other factors.

He might be straight, he might not be interested, you can choose to find out now, or you can play text tag and worry and wonder for the next few weeks.

Your choice.

Also, I ran across plenty of guys in BFE. They are out there, you just need to be motivated enough to go find them, unlike WEHO, they aren't just tripping over your doorstep, but that just means more dedication on your part.

By all means though, get out of there to someplace more gay fabulous if you feel like you need to.

One more thing, don't delude yourself that finding a guy is easier in the ghetto, finding a fuck is easier, but it's pretty much just as chancy there, the main benefit being that there's more guys to dissolution you and crush your fantasies of moonbeams and unicorns.
 
You should call him pretty soon. I would call him today and suggest hanging out. While you're still fresh in his mind. He cant really be mad he gave some guy he didnt know his number after all. So if he tries to give you attitude b/c now he feels exposed, just say you're the one giving out your number to guys. Good luck
 
Call the number.

There's a 90% chance it isn't his real phone number, but if it is, you're already doing real well.

Ask him if he's like to grab a drink there again sometime.
 
update..

well, i think i left some information out: ok. the same night i met him, i later texted him "hey, i know its late but i just wanted to make sure you got my number?" and then he texted back "yeah!! i got your number, talk to you tommorow!!" (honestly, it was like 4am when i texted him....then i texted him "great, i have like a huge smile on my face right know, lol..we'll it be kool if i text you tommorrow?" and then he replied "yeah, its kool. we're gonna party our asses off, twu soon!!" and that was that

the next day, i waited and texted him around 9pm, sayin "hey whats up?" and he never responded back...i dont know, but im not a fool and i dont just asked straight guys for their numbers, escpecially after i see them talking to girls...he was like in my space and soooo gay, so i acted BUT i knew it would turn out like this but heyyyyy.. it comes with the territory..honestly. i do not know of a single open gay person at this school..Well, im lying..there are very open lesbians here and they have more girlfriends that I can count but men...nada

thanks for the advice guyzzzzz..:D
 
I don't think there's anything that takes the spark out of making a connection better than txt msg. People always seem to miss the opportunity of the moment to actually talk to a person; preferring more and more to use electronic media to literally create a screen between them.

Obviously by the time he was sober, the whole thing didn't seem like a great idea anymore.

Forget him and move on.

Next time, pursue the interest right there. Start talking about things. Buy the guy a drink. Or two. If they're with a group of others, become their new best friend and buy a round in order to gain entry to the table.
 
rareboy said:
I don't think there's anything that takes the spark out of making a connection better than txt msg. People always seem to miss the opportunity of the moment to actually talk to a person; preferring more and more to use electronic media to literally create a screen between them.
Click to expand...

I agree with this. I've been dating my bf for about 7 months now and even texting in between when I can at work doesn't feel the same as hearing his voicmakes an actuae. Talking is actual conversation, which requires you to participate until the conversation's over. Unlike text where you can just ignore the message and don't have to respond immediately
 
I wouldnt say forget him just yet. You dont sound like a guy who's been pining away over someone for weeks or months in the shadows. It's literally been a few days. But I wouldnt let go beyond a few eeeks. If nothing happens after that then forget about it. As much as digital messgaing has tekn the romance out of things. It is the world we live in and it can also be surprisingly good.
 
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