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Does taking a break(in a relationship) ever work????

S

seanystarr

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yes it can work....sometimes it takes a bit of space from each other for you to appreciate how much the other party means to you...

however if taking a break is another name for you taking advantage and shagging other guys then it might be best just to end the relationship now.
 
It sounds like you weren't ready for a relationship in the first place. You should have worked out your personal problems before embarking on a 14 month relationship.

But I guess dwelling on the "shoulda"s isn't very productive. Since you've invested over a year in this relationship already, I think you owe it to him and yourself to try to work things out. I'd advise against a break because you mentioned you don't want him having sex with anyone else. You give the relationship a break, you'll probably break his heart and he may never come back to you.

Instead, why not tell him what you are going through? Talk to him about your personal problems and what you are doing to solve them. Telling him your plans to solve your problems means you are not offloading your issues onto him, instead just being honest and showing you are committed to making this work. Are you getting outside help for your personal issues? Maybe you should. Have you thought about couples counselling? That might be what you need to get you two back on track sexually.
 
I have to agree with the above. If you tell your guy that you want a break, your relationship will never be the same again. That's not to say that it would be over, but it would change things.

I don't believe in the break anyway. I think that if you get to a point in a relationship where it's absolutely necessary to distance yourselves from each other. Better just break up. No ambiguity that way. If you want to get back together you certainly can, and no one is hanging in limbo trying to figure out if it's over or not.

It sounds like you know you want out, but you also want your cake - your security blanket.

Finally, you need to be talking to him not us.
 
I have requested a "break" at one point thinking he would come crawling back to me once i was ready to restart the relationship again. Instead he decided to completely end the relationship and did not accept a break.
But a week later he called and begged to be back together. So we got back together without a break. Over a year has passed since then, and he sometimes reminds me of what an 'awful' thing i did, etc etc. But overall, the relationship continued its normal course after that.
I'm not sure what would have happened if the break would have gone through. Although I did need it......................................................................................................................................
 
My ex wanted to have a break after 6 months we were together... only to explore having sex again with other people. At the we did get back together but only for a few more months.

Maybe you don't need a break, maybe you can see him a little less but make those times 'quality time' instead.
 
I've never known a "break" in a relationship to work. The fact that a couple (or one of the people) feels a break is needed is usually a call-out that the relationship is in serious trouble.

I'm convinced that people don't really mean "take a break" when they say it. Usually, they mean "I want out" but can't bring themselves to admit it to themselves or the other person. Perhaps they aren't ready to admit it, and that's fine.

Be honest with yourself and your bf. If you want out, say so. If you're really unsure about where this is going and need some space to sort it out, say that. But, try to be as specific as you are honest.

For a "break" to work, hypothetically, you have to have mutual agreement that a break is needed; and mutually agreement that the break should end. That's tougher than it sounds, which is why "taking a break" usually means breaking up, in the long run.
 
Good luck, lucky7. These things aren't easy decisions and take a lot of reflection. Let us know what you decide to do.
 
To play devil's advocate, if taking a break from each other would cause one or both person(s) to lose feelings for each other, does that mean the feelings are shallow? If it was strong, it would ride through it?
 
In my opinion...I think you should break up with him. There are doubts and you are getting bored. It's a sign to use your head over your heart. People may fluff up their responses but it sounds to me like this is no doubt your time to be single.

You are 22, and as a fellow student at Columbia I know how difficult each semester can be. Pressure is on. I think you should be single not for the idea of having sex with other people or any kind of dating, but solely for school purposes. Being single when in school decreases the workload and time management pressure immensely.

Think it over and make a decision of some sort, because if you are still on the edge of this---that is the worst-case scenario I think.
 
Lucky, it seems to me that you need to spend your time on school, everything else is secondary. If you put the necessary time into school, you will not have much time for your bf. You may then find that you are counting the hours until you see your bf, and the time you spend together is much more exciting and fulfilling. You may also find that you are both very horny all the time and you'll be getting all the anal sex you want. (!)
 
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